There is apart of me that feels like me writing in this group should just....not be allowed. But I don't know who else to talk to about it.
My life has been interesting the last 3 years.
I have been with DH for 3 years & I told myself I would NEVER, EVER be with somebody who had a kid prior. (& yes, I would STILL give this advice to people). DH has a daughter from a previous marriage to a horrendously terrible woman who has children just for paychecks. She is a money-hungry woman who sleeps around & tells men she is on birth-control when she isn't & then gets pregnant. ANYWAY. BM isnt worth my time to even think about.
I have a SD11, almost 12. For the last 3 years, DH constantly tells me, "She follows you around & wants to be just like you because she does not have any other positive female role models in her life....etc. etc." Which is completely false; she has plenty of aunts (LIKE TONS....) and her grandmothers on both her father & mother's sides, etc. Long story short. She bothers me. Always has, probably always will. She is....the complete opposite of what I plan on raising my own child like. She is morbidly obese. & i am not saying that to be mean...she literally, by all health standards is. She sneaks food, over-eats, lies about it. Long story short. She is 11 & is 167lbs (weighs 30lbs more than I do who is 31 years old) & has coronary artery disease because BM thinks that Mountain Dew & Taki's are a good enough meal to give her daughters before she heads to her job as a bartender (& then doesnt go home for 4-5 nights in a row). Overall....she simply disgusts me. She is lazy, refuses to play sports & get active & DH & BM simply don't care about her. SD has been neglected her entire life, and TBH....she seems like a lost cause. And....here is where I sound like the "evil step-mother".....I really don't care. She is not my child & I have never loved her. My job as her step-mother is make sure she is safe & there is a roof over her head when she visits her father. End of story. I disengage from her-- I have little to no interest in going on vacations with DH & her. She is the complete opposite of what kind of a kid I was when I was her age. In fact, she was the type of kid I would make fun of when I was her age (terrible I know....I was a sporty, athletic kid that had multiple friends). SD11 STILL doesn't know how to swim......she refuses to do any physical activity & well....if she was my child....she wouldn't have a choice about playing sports or not. I have a feeling SD is going to grow up just like BM & get pregnant super young & then follow in BM's toxic life choices. SD doesn't do any chores & acts like she is 6 when she is almost 12. Anyway, I made it very clear to DH that SD will not ever live with us full time (unless BM dies or something) & he does agree. I also made it clear that when she turns 18, she is going to have to go to college, join the armed forces, or live with BM. Nobody is going to be living with us once 18 hits. That was a rule in both DH & I's family growing up. It is how it is. (If you don't agree with that, I am sorry, but you won't change our minds on this.)
Anyway. DH & I are currently pregnant with our daughter. We did have our son in December 2021 and he passed away 7 days later from a fatal heath condition. It was the worst time of our lives. But SD would say things like, "Well....I would have lived longer than he was going to anyway." When she said stuff like that....I literally wanted to punch her in the mouth. I feel like a terrible person saying this, but I pray every single night that my daughter will NEVER grow up to be like her sister. In fact, I do NOT want her to look up to her sister at all. I am prepping now to make sure my daughter gets everything her sister never got growing up. I feel terrible saying this....but SD just doesn't fit into my life. Her father does...but I find trouble finding a spot for her. If you couldn't tell by any of what I have just said....I strive for eprfection. In almost every aspect of my life. I have had people say, "Ope. Looks like you have to leave your husband & find somebody else then if you don't like his daughter." Well, no. I don't. I dis-engage & just don't want anything to do with her. Plain & simple.
I don't know at this point. I just don't even think about her or enjoy thinking about her because of how much BM & DH have failed her. It is not my responsibility to fix her, & now I have my own child on the way. I also told my husband very honestly.....I will never love her the way he does. Never. It's been 3 years & I still don't love her. Am I just.....inherently evil?