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The Dreaded Summer has hit....

RIP's picture

I hate the summer.

We get SD11 for 2 weeks in a row for the entire summer. (2 weeks on, 2 weeks off) I am not prepared for her clingy a*s to be all over me. My prenatal psychiatrist told me to stick to my guns about only letting DH get her 14 days out of a month, due to me experiencing psychosis, severe anger issues, & emotional distress. Less than a week ago, I reminded DH that he and BM needed to plan accordingly. That is it not his & SD's way or the highway anymore. Last night, I told him he is getting her for more than 20 days in June alone, and he retaliated back with, "STOP COUNTING & EXCAVATING THE CALENDAR. I get to get my daughter whenever I want. You are stressing me out & making this harder on me."

Ummm. We had an agreement that you are now going back on? 

Okay. I told him do NOT expect me to be around him & her AT ALL. We got her over Memorial Day Weekend, and weren't supposed to get her until next week, but now he is finding an excuse to get her already this weekend so we will have her 3 weeks in a row. Ugh. GROSS. I literally told her that when she comes down here, it is not to hang out with me, but for her to spend time with her father. She didn't like that answer. If you don't want to spend time with your dad, then don't come down. They both guilt me SO MUCH. Literally all day everyday because I do not want to go to a movie with them.....go eat lunch with them....literally ANYTHING. I have completely HAD IT with it's his way or the highway attitude (which gets worse every year we are together). I swear to god. 

I HAVE HAD IT.

 

I am counting down the days already for September when she goes back to school & that we will not have her the entire month of October, in which DD is due. Ugh. Father time....speed up!

Comments

PetSpoiler's picture

It's like he doesn't want to actually spend time with his own child.  How sad.  That's probably why she's so clingy with you.  

RIP's picture

His excuse or "reasoning" is...."I just want us to be one big happy family. I don't want you & her relationship to suffer." 

I have told him multiple times that I do not care to have a relationship with her. My job is to make sure she is safe, housed, and fed when she is visiting her father. period. I even told him that I know he expects me to me a motherly saint to HIS child & everything BM is not, but that I do not have the desire to mother her, nor do a lot of other step-parents out there want to pick up the slack of BM or BD. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

It's almost like your DH is actively trying to make your pre/post partum depression/psychosis worse. He is not your ally. Take care of you and your baby, whatever it takes. 

Rumplestiltskin's picture

ETA by forcing his daughter, the trigger for your symptoms, upon you despite warnings from you and your psychiatrist, it's almost like he is trying to put his daughter in harm's way, too. He doesn't give a shit about either of you. 

RIP's picture

His gaslighting & guilt is progressively getting worse. I just told him flat out, "I will remember this."

He effectively is making SD11 & my relationship worse. Ten-fold. The resentment is out of this world.

Rumplestiltskin's picture

The term "gaslighting" is oddly appropriate here. In the original movie, the guy tried to drive his wife crazy. That's what this guy is doing to you. 

Ispofacto's picture

"I'm not going to the movies with you."

That's it, end of conversation.

But as most of us have said before, throw this one back while you still can. He's shown you who he is.

 

RIP's picture

I have a big psych review tomorrow with my prenatal psychiatrist. I am just going to be very honest & upfront with her about DH's responses about agreeing to our 14 day plan & going back on it. With the constant mental health neglect I have been getting from him, etc. There is a chance she could deem my home "unsafe" then for me to be in when SD11 is there. I already asked my mom if I could stay with her, if DH won't budge. I hope then he can see what he is truly doing to my own mental health. I hope he & SD11 sitting in the basement alone was worth it for him to potentially lose me as his wife, and DD (not even born yet). Highly unlikely, but....I am starting to care less & less. So. Whatever. My mental health & my daughter COME. FIRST.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Even if the psychiatrist does NOT deem your home as unsafe, take your mom up on her offer. For the health and well-being of both you and your baby. 

thinkthrice's picture

One Big Happy Family (TM) model

Bad

ndc's picture

Go to your mom's house. You have told your DuH what you need and he won't give it to you, and in fact pushes more of what you don't want on you. In all of your posts I have yet to see why you would want to be with him. So leave him to his daughter all by himself. Take care of your mental health. Let him see how serious you are about this. And while you're with your mom, really think about whether your life is better with or without him. The problem here is not SD, it's your husband. She is just another victim of his shortcomings.