I can't seem to just not care

SS has shown no interest in visiting since his graduation. I'm beyond frustrated & I'm pissed. Suddenly DH is back out of the picture. It seems all ill has been mended in BM's home & life is dreamy...as long as DH isn't included in their lives.

BM filed for court again to get an increase in CS. I'm halfway praying DH gets laid off again before then. We've managed to make it on his unemployment & I'd rather suffer with a smaller income than pay that bitch anymore fucking money.

I don't get it. When DH filed to have visitation enforced the kids went all to pieces because he was being so "mean" to BM & trying to get her in trouble. But she files to take DH to court & the 3 of them just meld into a fucking glob of FUCK YOU DH! I HATE it!

SS's post on FB last night was: Perfect day by the pool with my family. Nothing could have made this day better. Praying for a thousand more.

Really??? I read it to DH & who replied with "My God. Now he's talking like her".

BM's posts over the last week consist of:

BM's post (on BM's page) to SS: My baby boy is all gr0wn up and on his way into the real world now.. L0rd keep him safe and let him kn0w I will always no matter be here for him. I Love u my son and I couldn't be more proud of u!!!! XOXOXOXO Now go to college and make y0ur mom even prouder!! I have faith in u and I know u can do it!! I Love you, never f0rget what real family and love is about... MUAH

BM's post (on BM's page) to SD: My daughter is my world, no matter g00d or bad, or indifferent, I will always be there f0r her!!! ALWAYS, I wish sum moms could feel as str0ng as I do about my beautiful daughter SD.... XOXOXO I Love U....

BM's post (on BM's page) to SD & SS: My daughter, My Son, since the day I was s0 Blessed to have them has been my whole w0rld, and until the good l0rd takes me, even after I will continue to watch over them. They have been my angels since birth and I will always be watching over them in this life and after.... I Love U Both, SS and SD.... XOXOXO

BM's post (on BM's page) to SS: I Love, Love my son SS!! I'm so very proud 0f you for changing and growing into manh00d now. And if you ever fall, ever U will always have a h0me with me, no matter remember u and your sister always come first and before any0ne, or anything in this world never f0rget this!!! All my Love.... XOXOXO

Finally, (& the one that pisses me off most):
SS's girlfriend posted on the picture BM posted of DH, BM, & kids at SS's graduation:
GF: I love you BM! Looks like you guys all had fun.
BM: Oh girl u just d0n't know how bad I hated them being there, cause they damn sure didn't deserve to be!!!!!

Who the fuck is she to determine who deserves to celebrate SS's graduation with him??? Really...she deserves to be there anymore than we did??? She yanked him out of school 3 years ago & had it not been for her mother & stepdad taking SS to classes & tests for his GED, he wouldn't have graduated! I don't even care that she feels that way about it. What irks me is that she posts that shit where the kids & all of their peers read it.

I'm really trying hard to get to a place in my head & in my heart where I can just live for me & not give a shit. I find that I'm so careful about what I post on MY FB page, so as not to offend. All the while she's pissing all over DH without a care in the world.

I've come close to "sharing" some posts I've read on different PAS pages that I feel really hit the spot, but I haven't because I know that as soon as I do SD will be pissed & it will throw her right back into hating DH...because she's pissed at me.

I want to not care, but I can't quite get there. I wish that bitch would get hit by a fucking train.

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I feel ya. And as for wishing

I feel ya. And as for wishing she'd get hit by a train....I TOTALLY feel ya.

LOL! DH told me it would be

LOL! DH told me it would be inappropriate to pray for it, so I just sit & hope.

I used to feel this way. Now

I used to feel this way. Now I am pro BM. If BM gets hit by a train, then I will have to be mom to the skids. Since I have now disengaged, I don't want this to happen. If anything, there is rumor that BM's department at her office is going to be laid off. BM doesn't have a great skillset to find another job that pays as much as she makes today. This means she will take DH to court for $$ - but will be home and not working which means she will have to finally watch her own kids which frees me up.

Yes we'd have to pay CS for BM to watch her own kids - but worth every penny.

So BM, avoid the tracks and hurry up and get laid off.

I think for these years that

I think for these years that have passed it's been more forgivable, because they were children. It was easy to chalk it up to BM, but SS is going on 19 next month. He doesn't have a drivers license because BM doesn't feel he's ready. He's never filled out a job application because BM isn't ready for him to be so independent. He hasn't applied for college because we can't find information on DH's Indian background so he can go free. WTF??? BM doesn't work. If he'd sit his ass down & fill out the paperwork he'd probably go free...or close to it anyway!

We were finally making some progress with him & felt like relationships were being mended. DH was encouraging college. He was encouraging a job. He was encouraging some independence & growing up, & with that it seems we've been completely erased again. The progress has come to a screeching halt. He is at the point where he SHOULD be moving on with his life, & it seems that BM is digging her claws in more than ever. He's talked about her "needing" him. He needs to take care of her & SD. I think that's what's so frustrating about it! We've been waiting for him to get to where he'd put some distance between himself & BM & it isn't happening.

Everything is all about BM & her feeling abandoned & hurt & neglected & shit on. It makes me LIVID that they can't spare an ounce of care for DH.

DH & I have a marriage better than I ever could've dreamed of having...especially after my first one. The only thing that keeps our home feeling from feeling whole is the broken relationships with the kids.

SS was making an effort, but kept (& keeps) inserting himself where he has no business being. He wants to be the peacemaker. He wants to be the problem-solver. He wants everything out in the open to be resolved, but at the same time is only willing to divulge 1/2 truths & excuses himself.

It feels unfinished & incomplete. DH seems to be able to brush it off easier. I don't think he really brushes it off, but is able to ignore it better. For me, it stays at the front of my mind. I don't know how to let it go.

I know how you feel. It's

I know how you feel. It's frustrating and some people really don't understand how difficult it can be. I think I can relate to your situation. I wish there was something I could say or do that makes sense, but as I tell my DH all the time, you can't make logical sense out of illogical people. Problem is these kids don't know any better and they are being taught all the WRONG MORALS. In their mixed up world they think they are ahead of the game. I just hope and pray I'm there when their world falls apart and they realize how correct their Father's were. It's all about kissin Bm's A** so they can continue to get what they want when they want and do as they please.

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