Anytime I hear of a rule like this all I can think of is someone’s got major control issues. If your BF continues to allow BM to decide when you get to meet her kid, you’re never going to meet him. 

Bigger question is, why after over a year together has he not stood up to her yet? Why is he still allowing her to call the shots like that? This is a major red flag. You have no idea what kind of dynamic these two have, what kind of a parent he actually is, how much authority he’s going to give you, or even how enmeshed he is with BM (and there’s definitely enmeshment or this wouldn’t be an issue). 

Don’t move forward with this relationship until he starts consistently making you the priority & telling BM to stay in her lane. Squeezing out a kid doesn’t give her the right to call the shots on the rest of his life, neither does it give him the right to do the same to her. This is ridiculous. 

It should not be her decision when you get to meet his son, it should be his and yours jointly.  You are not a fly-by-night - you have been in his life for a year and a half.   If your BF is allowing his ex this much control over your lives, it does not bode well for the future - he needs to stop that, now.   It is down to his collusion with the situation that you are being sidelined.  

"I'm sorry, honey, I know SS is going to college next year, but BM is STILL not ready to meet you, so no - you can't meet my son yet.  But here are his prom pictures!"

I think many newly-divorced parents set this "rule" because they are trying to protect their kid while also trying to protect themselves from what will be another guttural blow when they see the other person move on. It gives them a chance to compose themselves versus just haphazardly running into the new person in a public venue.

Great in theory, bad in practice. This typically creates a weird power dynamic for all involved, especially new partners. This arrangements puts your relationship in the backseat of any relationship your BF has with BM and his kid. They always get to be #1 and make all the rules, while you get to just tag along.

Now, if you're okay with that, then no problem. It doesn't sound like you are, though. What you need to understand is that kids may be a parent's #1 responsibility, but a partner is the #1 priority. Kid's need trump a partner's wants, and their needs are weighted more heavily then that of a partner. Partner's wants and needs, however, trump the wants of a kid. In practical terms, your BF has to make sure his kid has food, but you and your BF get to decide what food and where from. The kid won't starve, but he doesn't get to make the decisions on what/where he eats because 1) he doesn't know yet what is good for him/can't always rationalize good decisions, and 2) you're the adult and have earned the right to do as you please.

In ALL of this, the wants and needs of the ex rank absolutely nowhere. The ex has their own friends and family to lean on. They are adults with their own ability to work through their own BS. They DO NOT get to dictate or have a say in how their ex parents. If they wanted a say, they should have remained in a relationship.

Once no longer coupled, parenting becomes a solo act. It's fantastic when parents can co-parent. It's great if they can keep a familial relationship and actually mean it. But very, very few can pull that off without ulterior motives.

Your BF is at a crossroads, and you're at the point where you're going to have to make him choose. He is an EQUAL parent to BM and can make decisions about who his kid is around and what he does on his time without her consent or approval. If she isn't ready to meet you, but he's ready for kid to meet you, then he is well within his rights to introduce you to his kid. She has to learn that the world no longer revolves around her and their son.

Now, if your BF introduces his kid to you, great! He's growing as a newly single parent. If he doesn't and still feels like he needs BM's approval of you, then you need to walk away. He isn't ready to date if he is still taking BM's feelings into consideration a year into dating someone new. That will forever be the cycle - doing what makes her comfortable while you take the backseat.

You and your BF are a team, but him having a kid doesn't make him team captain. It just makes him a teammate with more and different responsiblity. Don't let him dictate everything in your relationship because of that.

The other side of this coin may be that he doesn't want to introduce you to his son, or he doesn't see you as a long-term partner in spite of what you have been talking about. Take that into consideration, too.

Ultimately, you have to decide how much longer you will wait, if you want to live in a relationship where BF and BM make the rules for what BF can and cannot do in regards to his kid and relationships, and if the issue is a BM or a BF one, or both. You're not wrong in thinking this is weird, but you are going to have to be the one to push for a resolution. Right now, your BF is getting the best of both worlds - a happy relationship with BM and his kid and a companion to warm his bed, while you are stuck wondering what is going to happen. Put that discomfort back on him and make HIM make a decision. Otherwise, you'll have to make yours. 

You've been dating long enough... That BM's feelings on being "not ready" I personally believe are less than valid. It doesn't matter what SHE is ready for. Your BF is ready to move on. So he needs to either let you in the whole way, or let you go. The limbo he has you in is cruel. BM doesn't get to decide when SHE is ready for him to move on. He does. if she's not ready to meet you, that honestly shouldn't stop you from meeting his son yet.  She can use that excuse forever, but that's all it is, an exucse. He shouldn't give two s***s about if she's ready. If he's really committed, HE should be ready, and as a parent, he can make the choice to introduce you to the son.

It's been nearly a year and a half. That's ridiculous. It's time for him to fully let you into the life and stop catering to BM's whims.

This wouldn’t work for me. BM tried this sort of thing and I respected it until it didn’t happen. I’m not going to delay moving forward with my life on the whim of someone else. You’ve been together over a year. Either it’s time to either meet or move on but he needs to stop letting her control his home and relationships.

Then again be prepared. It sounds like he’s not making it clear that you guys are serious if she thinks you’re “just talking”. That’s on him to make it clear that you are a long term partner.

All of this is a load of BULL. And I mean BM AND your BF.

These are issues with an infant, a baby. If you choose to stay with this guy you're in it for the loooong haul.  First off, it's hard for me to imagine the two of you talking about having your own kids when he couldn't ride it out with BM and the first kid for even a year.  I know, "she this, she that. It was all her fault. Boyfriend is a blameless innocent flower." Whatever, it shows a lack of being able to commit when a man is already out the door that early.  

I get it; men with babies are attractive, but so are men with puppies! Be wise honey. So much is at stake when choosing someone to start a family with.  This guy already has one. Is it really worth it for you to stick all those wonderful fertile eggs in his already half full basket?  

Your BF apparently isn't attatching the same level of commitment to your relationship that you are.  Or at the very least is downplaying how "serious" you two are.  Look.. even talking about things like "if we had a kid" doesn't necessarily mean that you are in a serious committed relationship.  MY YSD and her BF have talked offhand about their "future" too.. but they are nowhere near getting married and having kids at 20 and 21 years old.

So... perhaps this is a question for your BF.  Hey, you know we have been dating for over a year.  How do you view our relationship?  If we are that committed, don't you think it's time that I meet your son and become a full part of your life.  You will have to tell your EX that we are more than just "someone talking".

There are too many red flags in this scenario...

I can understand BF wanting to keep you separate from the baby during the first year of his life.  If I were in his shoes, I'd probably do the same until I knew this was going to be long term.  HOWEVER...it seems like he's really overly involved still with BM.  Like he's still playing family - and you are the side piece.  She claims she doesn't want to meet someone "yet comfortable with meeting someone he is "talking to".'  That tells me he's telling her you are in a more casual relationship than he's letting BM on to.

That should not be the case if you are supposed to be in the picture.  By now, you should at least have limited interaction with the baby - one day on the weekend, a night during the week..  Does he not get EOW with his son?  It sounds like from your description that he can only see his kid WITH BM.  And at the age of two, I would say it's probably safe for you to meet him by now.  I met SD19 when she was almost 3...and this was a couple months after DH and I started seeing each other.  It was limited to weekends, but I still was able to build a relationship with her.

If he is still unwilling to have you meet his son after a year and a half, and BM is still calling the shots and refuses to meet you bc your BF is being a wimp...I'd say cut ties.  He's playing both you and BM.  And she will call the shots for the REST OF YOUR BF'S LIFE.

HE should be TELLiNG her, not asking her.  Will he need her permission for you guys to get married? To have a kid? 

Does he have to wait for her to get a boyfriend she wants to introduce? 

I see a few things going on here. 

1- What if when BM is finally ready, she doesn't like you. Then what is the plan. Does it mean that he has to break up with you?

2- How did your BF approach the subject?

• Hey BM, so I have been "talkin'" to this chick for a while now and it's time for her to meet my son."
• Or--- was it "Hey BM, Ranibow and I have been together for over a year now. We are serious and committed to our relationship. It is time for her to start spending time with our son. Do you want to meet her before the next visitation date, because we are planning on taking him to the zoo together."

See the difference?

Also, how long were these 2 together. Having a 7 month old with another woman and being out dating again seems like you were either the first chick he found after, or he never even slowed down while BM was pregnant and had a new born. Also, I have seen many couples break up while pregnant or shortly before they found out they were having a baby just to get back together when the baby is born. A child being born just does that. They don't ever last, but they do the one last shot thing. 

Anyway- my point here is, it doesn't seem like he has given much time into the seperation after BM. That should be a warning flag as well. 

My daughter briefly dated a guy that pulled this crap.  Turned out, he was still married and using my daughter as his side piece.  He had a few sidepieces at the same time.  Good thing they used protection.  Gross.

Your BF is too involved with his EX,  He’s putting his EX over you.  Your are second.  He is playing Happy Family with his EX and there kid.  I am sure he is spending time with the EX and DS.  He’s is the one who wants it both ways.

This is a BF issue...

I went through the same thing with my SO! Needless to say that BM still controls him to some degree. We have been together 5 years, have a two year old daughter, & have built a house.  It urks every ounce of my soul. I still struggle daily with the situation in itself. And tbh it’s caused major stress within my life. Our relationship is beyond rocking due to this matter!