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Love can certainly hurt. As the classic song indicates.

Rags's picture

Somewhat Step related.  

DW got a call last night from her cousin's life long BFF. This cousin is not the normal run of the mill cousin.  This cousin is DW's closest paternal family relative, relationship wise, and they were each others first BFF as is not rarely the case between cousins.  What makes this cousin a cousinly unicorn is that she is DW's BioDad' brother's eldest and DW and the cousin are within months of the same age.  DW's BioDad was killed in a car accident before my MIL knew she was pregnant with DW. So all of her life DW has put her deceased never met BioDad on a mythical princely pedistle. This cousin is the real life manifestation of my DW's perceptions of BioDad. In my opinion.  DW was raised by her mom and her StepDad who was at the hospital when DW was born.``

Anyway, the cousin's BFF calls DW last night to tell her that the cousin has relapsed after being in remission with lukemia on top of battling HLH for about 6mos. She is now septic and progressing through total systemic organ failure.  If the cousin remains in the hospital she likely will live another 2 days or so. The cousin is insisting on going home. According to the Docs, the cousin will not live beyond a few hours once she leaves the hospital.  

So, I booked tickets last night at midnight and booked a rental car for DW to fly out this AM on a nonstop which will put  her in the cousin's city by noon:30. DW and the cousin's BFF will meet at the hospital to spend a bit of time with the cousin. The BFF is the only one other than cousin's DH who has approval for medical updates approved by the cousin (a HIPPA thing).

Of course DW is distraught. Which breaks my heart.  On top of that it is tax season and DW (CPA) is worn out after 15+ hour days starting on 14-Feb.  She has not taken a day off.  I have asked, tried to push her to take care of herself, to little avail.  I am worried. She nearly worked herself into the hospital in August due to stress and a depressed imune system resulting in shingles.

So, I keep the house presentable, do the shopping and most of the cooking.  I want to do more, but my help professionally would be to far more direct with her coddled clients and brutally direct with the managing partner of her firm regarding adequate staffing, etc...

For now, I will just hug my amazing bride through it as best I can.



JRI's picture

I was thinking, "I bet Rags's wife is going crazy at this time of the year".   Now this on top of it.  The roller coaster of life.  Hang on.


Rags's picture

She sent me a text a couple of hours ago that she made it safely and was with her cousin.

The managing partner of her firm was very supportive and mirrored my advice to leave her laptop at the office.  So, she is at least not swamped by the last three days of the COVID era 2022 tax season.

Rags's picture

DH made it and spent 7 hours at her cousin's hospital bedside yesterday.  They had a nice time talking, reminising, etc....   The prognosis still isn't good. She was given the first dose of an experimental HLH medication while DW was with her yesterday.

DW stayed at a hotel close to the hospital last night and drove to her home town this AM to see her HS BFF, get a hug from her mom, see her sibs and their families for their family Easter lunch and is now on her way back to the hospital.

I am grateful that she got to see her cousin. The 7hours they had together yesterday calmed her soul.

DW has dinner tonight with her Uncle and Aunt and the Cousin's niece.  

My recomendation is that DW cancel her Monday flight and fly back a week from this coming Monday.

WalkOnBy's picture

I agree with this suggestion.  I am glad that she has this time with her cousin. 

I am so sorry, Rags. 

StepUltimate's picture

Praying for your wife & her cousin, grateful she has you Rags. This is a tough one. 

KC is not the stepmother's picture

My husband's first wife (BM) died from the same, also sepsis and full organ failure at the time of her diagnosis.  She'd just had her gall bladder out after a misdiagnosis.   


My husband went and stayed a week before she passed, taking care of his grandkids so SD could be at the hospital. Being there, even just her presence, is the best thing she can do.