You are here

Easily Annoyed by Constant Noise

PushedToMyLimit's picture

For starters, I have always been easily irritated/annoyed & have short capacity for dumb things. My SS9 drives me bonkers with endless noise. I’ve tried to disengage but he lives here FT. My biggest annoyance with him is he makes endless noise-constantly talking to himself, babbling & especially if I am around. It is worse when his anxiety amps up, he literally won’t shut up. I don’t want to hide in my bedroom for peace & I should not feel like prisoner in my own home from this babble brain. Yes he has been talked to about it many times & it doesn't bother his dad. Probably because as we all know SKIDS are just annoying in general to many of us. How do you all cope with endless noise? It’s driving me crazy!


Rags's picture

That gives everyone else in the home a break.

Do it on a regular enforced schedule. He goes to his room for Xhrs a day from Ytime to Ztime and he is quiet. He can babble all he wants, with his door closed as long as no one else can hear it.

And.... enforce reasonable expectations of quiet when he is with everyone else.  If he violates those expecations, break his behavior chain and correct him.  If he reconvenes... explain that he is not being considerate of others and send him to his room, or to stand in a corner, etc...

Lather.... rinse.... repeat.

He is the right age for sentences as well.  Have him sit in a quiet private space and write sentences.  Not just a few, many hundreds or even thousands.

"I will be considerate of others and will not make noice at all unless I am spoken to or am participating in a converation."

All in perfect hand writing, perfect grammar, and perfect spelling at a rate that allows for him to do nothing but write.  

Make it a point to engage him in appropriate conversation and talk about things he is interested in.   Consider activities with him that will allow the two of you to engage in non tense interface.  

My SS and I used to go for what we called "Johnny Quest Adventures" while his mom was in Grad school and then studying for the CPA exam.  We would go for hikes looking for foscils, we would go rock scrambling, climb trees, etc....   When both his mom and I were in school, I would take him to Kid's Space to run amok with other kids while I studied did my reading, etc.... so his mom could have quiet time.  Earplugs helped a ton with that.

Mix it up, set and enforce behavioral standards, and coach him on appropriate vocalizations.

Good luck.

PushedToMyLimit's picture

And SO is typically on board but I am way more strict than he is & pretty sure he would never go for this level of correction. He already thinks I want everything perfect & unrealistic (ok maybe but this kid has turned our life upside down). We've had many discussions about how I think his talking needs to be better managed. The more nervous SS is, the worse the talking gets. He is often nervous around me because I am more strict, will call him on his behavior & see through his lies.

Things annoy me way more than SO & I work from home where he works outside the home so I endure a lot more of SS incessant talking behavior. I've never seen anyone who watches tv and talks to themselves at the same time. In fact, he is brushing his teeth right now & I just heard his dad upstairs say "stop humming!" it's not always just me!

Rags's picture

"You get this fixed before I have to or I will fix it. If I have to fix it, bite your tongue and have my back until we can discuss it in private."

Lather... rinse... repeat while invoking effective corrections that escalate in delivery of abject misery until the problem is solved.


AlmostGone834's picture

Ahhh Rags I miss the days when children were to be seen, not heard. My parents had no issue telling me to "go entertain myself" when they no longer wanted to hear my inane babble. I learned at a very young age how to happily keep myself occupied and it has served me well to this day. I literally am never bored. 

PushedToMyLimit's picture

I'm sorry his BM always ignored him but incessant noise isn't the way to get attention.

Rags's picture

We were also included in everything and we behaved.  Embassy events, large holiday multi family celebrations, formal dinners at the boss's (Ambassador's) residence, etc.....  We were trained on which fork to use for which course, and we had no choice but to use them properly.

We often were engaged in conversation by any number of important adults in any number of events and activities.   I do not recall too many situations where there were ill behaved children running amok when we were growing up.  That was just not allowed and as such it was not a thing.

Yes, my age is showing.  Fortunately my calendar age and the 13yo my DW accusses me of always being can coexist.


We participated because mom and dad took us pretty much everywhere with them.

We did the same with SS.  He was a well behaved child and young adult.  To the point that not infrequently people would hask if something was wrong with him.  These were people whose children where ill behaved little shit crotch pukes that had no business being let our of their kennels.

Many of those same people later approached either DW or myself to comment how when the kids were  young that they thought we were overly strict but eventually understood that it was effective parenting.  Their kids even in their teens and 20s are flaming disasters as people.

Rose_Pedal's picture

Rags, I always appreciate seeing your advice and I resonate with what you say, even at 30 years old.

I was raised by older parents and much like the way you were raised and how you raised your own.

I believe too many parents, these days, are too soft and I know people that share this belief with me are a dying breed so I'm always careful to whom I express these feelings to, my own DH being one of them. I honestly feel his "soft parenting" "gentle parenting" "never wanting to see his daughter stressed out/upset" has ruined her.

I have stepped in and tried to help with damage control but at this point have given up so I disassociate with her anymore because he just can't take the ownership he needs to reverse this- will blame it on the issues with her mom growing up and make half-hearted attempts with little follow through.

I wish more people still carried this tough love approach. It worked for me growing up. Not that I am perfect but I am certainly farther along than my peers and I want my own children to be ones that not only survive but thrive. 

Short version- thank you for the insight and quality you bring to this site. Appreciate having you around. 

PushedToMyLimit's picture

With all comments here. My kids are a reflection of me & my parenting & that's why "parenting" is hard, being a parent is not. Those are not the same thing. These kids are a product of broken homes and moreover broken parents who can't do the hard things out of fear, shame and primarily guilt. None of your past issues are my fault but your current handling of your child is my problem when it affects our home. I'm 47 and an only child and my parents were 19 when they had me but man I was raised well. My SO says I am not typical and I said unfortunately that's correct in today's society. My kids will not embarrass me or dominate conversations and this house because of all their issues & failures by the other "parent".

Rags's picture

I sometimes cogitate on why I am still here 12+ years post Skid launch and with my SParent experience being pretty much the Unicorn version of blended family marriage and SParenting.

I am sure there are some, if not many, who would not be sad to see me move on from STalk.

However, I get a lot out of it personally and I think that I can still bring some useful tough love and pragmatic perspective.

Take care of yourself.

SteppedOut's picture

I have 7yr old that I tell to go hang in his room or downstairs play room/2nd living room when I am trying to read/make a grocery list/watch a show/stare blankly at a wall in blissful silence. The ability to self entertain and be a lone are very important things to learn.

thinkthrice's picture

And break it out ONLY when Dad is around.   Lock/hide it when dad leaves the house.   If he questions why he can't have it when dad is not around, you can say you want him to sing for daddyyyyyyy.

YSS used to be like this constantly miming for attention, parroting TV dialogue to the point where I thought the house had an echo, yakking to himself, making strange noises, banging against the wall, fidgeting with objects to make noise. 

  Following his dad around the house even into the bathroom, coquettishly looking over his shoulder and batting his eyelashes at dad/ observing if he is getting attention or not. 

PushedToMyLimit's picture

That he acts this way at almost 10. My kids were not like this at all. He actually does have a microphone he digs out at times, ugh! Here & there noise is ok but it seems constant. 

Yesterdays's picture

I would seriously hide the microphone. Wheerrrrre did it go?

Hmm? Who knows?!

I did this with a set of bells my young kids were gifted.  (when I had tinnitus....) 

Lillywy00's picture

I am THE EXACT same way. 

I realized that after living as a single woman with a home trained bio that living with skids with no home training has driven me up the wall EVERY weekend mainly because of the noise level. 

I get that kids, Especially the littles, are kinda noisy but zoo and wilderness levels of noise is ridiculous! Like damn is this dude raising wild animals or humans? 

Thankfully asking them to use indoor voices, wear headphones on their mobile devices, and putting buffers on the doors they open and close like 100 times a day are some things that have helped here. 

Ive also demanded yes demanded that those skids take their noisy selves into their rooms after 10pm. Not about to be continuously disturbed to the point I can't get my needs (sleep) met. 

I usually end up just leaving and staying gone as long as possible if/when the noise really bothers me or this dude gets militant and pushes back ("well them watching tv till 2 am with the volume to the max doesn't bother me" ... "well ahole you're not the only resident here, it bothers me when I can get my needs met/can't sleep because of your passive parenting, and if you don't tell them to turn the loud tv off and go to their room then I will) 

PushedToMyLimit's picture

Those of us who have trained our own children are on the struggle bus with these wild animals! My SO is trying bery hard to train him but we got him at 6 and BM did nothing with him except wreck him in various ways. A lot of things haven't improved with him & we think that is just straight DNA driven & we're screwed. 

I call SS reckless because he is loud with everything from eating to doors to walking. Every movement creates so much noise, like he is a giant hippo. 

Lillywy00's picture

Yeah these skids here are real heavy footed and just overall loud with everything they do. 

Onetime I was sick with COVID and this dude was still trying to get me to be obligated to his kids. Last thing I want to do was hear them traipsing all around being loud when I needed peace and quiet so I could rest. 

At least your husband understands and is trying to help remedy the situation. 

PushedToMyLimit's picture

And he knows it. He has broken his back to get him out of my hair (changing jobs 2x, having him go to room when he get off bus, etc) and it's helped some but at the end of the day he still lives here. Pray for us. I may not survive & he knows it. My SO is not like anything I have seen on here which almost makes it worse to endure because there is absolutely nothing else he can do, we are stuck in a horrible situation. 

I have read your story & am looking forward to watching you find peace & freedom. You deserve so much more & so many here are rooting for you, that includes me!

Lillywy00's picture

Thank you. That means a lot. I look forward to reading your stories as well. You and many other of the StepTalk forum members have been very inspirational and supportive. 

Cover1W's picture

I was pretty heavily disengaged from my SDs. However, if it was something that directly effected me, it was all on. I would usually give DH a warning and explain why. Then I'd follow through with my corrections consistently and firmly. And if DH complained I'd remind him we had talked about it and that he chose to do nothing. He was under the impression that I was some horrible authoritarian but really I just was firm. He had Zero expectations, rules, or teaching moments so of course, anything I did, even the most small thing like expecting them to set the dinner table, was seen as horrible. Whatever.

Rose_Pedal's picture

Ugh. Yes. Going through this everyday with my SD12. She's at the phase where she constantly has to be flapping her lips and downright YELLING and SCREAMING, making obnoxious sounds; animal sounds, barking, screeching, squealing, snorting.

She comes home from school (unfortunately gets off her bus at our house everyday of the school week even though she's only supposed to be here two days a week) and there's 3 hours of her being here while she waits for her mom to pick her up after she's done with work and when I say she is on the phone with her friends absolutely being crazy the entire time I mean it. 

If it's not sounds she's making with her mouth it's crashing things around, stomping, thrashing herself around for dramatic effect while she's talking to her friends and it's enough to make me flinch and just peirces my ears.

One day when my DH came home and heard some of it he looked at me funny then I said "yup, this is what I listen to non-stop for three hours a day" and his response to me (he always thinks I'm too harsh) is "Well I'm sure you drove your own parents crazy doing these same things."

He just doesn't get it.

PushedToMyLimit's picture

That you deal with that! I couldn't, I would explode & probably take her phone. One thing for our (what I'm finding to be very unique situation on this forum) is my SO agrees with me most of the time. Often he says he doesn't want to but he says "you aren't wrong, I see it too unfortunately". He isn't blind but yeah many times I am just overly critical because I'm annoyed constantly. I wake up annoyed some days & it just goes from there. The kid has so many problems it feels endless that they will ever get better. Sigh....

Rumplestiltskin's picture

You have this kid every day. You can't deal with this 24/7. I agree, tell DH either he takes care of it or you do. Taking away electronics is the best consequence at that age. I agree that he should spend time in his room or outside. That's what we did as kids. We weren't in our parents' spaces all the time.

In today's childcentric society, when someone divorces they are told things like "The kids always come first!" "As long as the kids are happy, that's the main thing!" People are told that even though they may have failed as a partner, they can still be a good parent as long as the kids are happy."

The thing is, giving a kid what they want when they want it, failing to teach them self-control or social skills, these things do not lead to true happiness and contentment in a child. You see the results of this. The more you blindly say "yes", the more the kid wants. They are never truly satisfied so they push and push for more. Parents drive themselves crazy trying to see to it that the kids are constantly happy so the kid never learns how to entertain himself/herself, never learns to be satisfied with anything. The bioparent is exhausted and any stepparent in the mix will be angry and resentful. Now nobody is "happy."

"Please stop making noise or go in your room with the door closed or outside." The kid might actually find he has more friends if he is less annoying. He may develop some creativity or the ability to self-entertain. 

thinkthrice's picture

Is rough, noisy and LOUD!  The ferals were/are huge for their age (vertically and horizontally).  SD at age 8 literally ripped a glass shower door off of its hinges (CRASH!)

PushedToMyLimit's picture

My 13yr old is 75lbs (small & strong) and this 9yr old weighs 110lbs (and is very weak). Weight/size isn't everything but he doesn't control his size well, more like an out of control bowling ball with a busted off volume button that is stuck on high. 

la_dulce_vida's picture

Noise canceling headphones and a white noise machine will be your friends - as a place to start.

Does your SS have ADHD perhaps? Is it being treated? If he's not ADHD and doesn't have any other issues, have you considered counseling? Maybe a professional who is paid to hear him talk once a week can get to the bottom of it. There has to be some kind of strategy to teach him new behaviors. I would likely shut off video games and access to TV or Internet in exchange for him being quiet for a set period of time. Maybe 30 mins of quiet - no talking - equals 30 minutes of Internet/Games/TV. Or 30 mins of outside play gets the same. Your husband should be the one enforcing this. It shouldn't be your job to change this behavior.

PushedToMyLimit's picture

1st counselor was worthless, this one (male) is better but admits he won't open up to him. We fully believe he has ADHD, a processing issue or some wires are crossed upstairs. Dad is SURE things are not “normal” but no one else seems to see it like we do. The counselor sees the  anxiety and I think he needs meds but he is only 9. Most of his problems are at home (he is behind in school but not disruptive) and the counselor says home is his safe space so he will act out more here. Great, lucky us.

Last night I wore headphones & it was glorious however, it isn't actually correcting the issue which is always my goal with the kids. He went upstairs to take a shower so I removed the headphones & could now hear him shouting commands at Alexa, then over her non-stop. This carried on to the point I knew he was focused on that & not actually showering so I mentioned to SO that SS needed to shut his trap & get out of the shower & SO told me to leave him be. Really? My solution...I casually walked to the other room, paused Alexa from my phone & ended it all. Suddenly the command shouting escalated (because Alexa wasn’t responding) then it stopped along with the shower. No one knew what happened and that was the end of it. I pay the electric & internet so you won't tell me to ignore it again. I, unlike many others on this page, will go toe to toe with my SO and not allow my home to be a circus without rules. Sometimes I admit, I need to learn when to back off of that tactic as well as it gets me in trouble. 

Rags's picture


Though never to this extent, my DW and I were partners and equity parents to any children in our home regardless of kid biology. As it turned out, SS31 is an only child in our marriage. We marred the week before he turned 2yo.

When she failed to parent and uphold the standards of behvior and standards of performance of spawn in our home I did it. If she did not like how I parented and disciplined, she could step up and get it done before I had to or have my back until we could discuss it in private. Her call. But.... it was done to my standards. PERIOD! DOT!

Good for you for not tolerating continued failed parenting from your SO and for not tolerating appropriate behavior from spawn when they are invading your home.


PushedToMyLimit's picture

And in response to a quiet activity- we just had the discussion yesterday that all of his entertainment is loud-a video game where he talks loudly, electronic device where he is constantly told to turn it down or watching TV in a common household area. He has no quiet activities unless you force him into one. My SO spends a lot of his time out in the shop on his car hobby and I'm in the house trapped with this kid making noise so I will be sending him out there more or to his room. I told him sorry but I will NOT be a prisoner in my own home hiding & wearing ear phones while you are out in the shop hearing none of it. 

ESMOD's picture

The answer is clear and right in front of your face.. send the boy out to help his dad with his hobby.. if he starts "annoying dad".. maybe dad will see the point.

It also may take 1 million and one reminders.. but when he gets off on the volume and prattle.. he needs to be reminded.

Rags's picture

Then send him away. Turn off the WiFi, etc....   He either learns to self regulated his noise, or... he gets zero electronics. Period. Dot. To keep this front and center, do not have anything on where he can see or hear it when he is in the home. Nothing.  Change the WiFi PW daily so he cannot whine it out of daddy.  Make damned sure he has no smart phone.  We purged all gaming systems from our home when SS-31 was in 6th grade. Gone. We never allowed them back. Ever. DW and I are not gamers. When we brought SS home from Military School for his last semester of HS (SpermIdiot screwed that up with and for SS), we took all electronics except under direct supervision.  SS could only use his laptosdp for homework.

No discussion. Just turn it all off.

This worked with my SS who was went into a screen coma any time he had something to do that he did not want to do. He would walk through the family room and as soon as the glow from the TV his this face he would go slack jawed and just stare. I would turn off the TV.  He would harrumph, then get on with his chore, homework, etc...