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OT - Update

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

So it's been a bit, I've been in Indiana on a business trip, currently in 5 inches of snow and LOVING it (coworker not so much.  BUt I'm calling it Karma since he's been a d***.)

I officially got tax return money TODAY.  The lawyer has been paid, he's doing one more review of the papers, then we sign and we're done (assuming STBX doens't pull any s***, which let's be real... He probs will... BUT, I have proof of the infidelity, so I'd win in court.  I'll ahve the divorce either way).  I also recoupped the money STBX owed me from last month BEFORE I sent him anything.  SO yay me.

The business trip has been intense.  From the moment the coworker I travelled with picked me up he tried SHAMELESSLY hitting on me.  I'm talking, touching my legs, getting a bit higher on the thigh, making comments about my butt, trying to convince me to just "come chill on the bed with him" and various other crap.  Anyways it's been handled, I expressed to him if he didn't stop, he would find himself with a black eye, and then I would leave it up to him to explain exactly where he got the black eye from.  Since then, he's been docile, hasn't touched me, and is keeping his distance.  How nice of him, right??? (note, not the coworker I live with, this is a different one).

There is snow here though, which has been BEATUITIFUL, I've missed the snow.

STBX though, I think I can confirm I won't be able to have a relationship with the girls (which you all realisitically told me, but it still sucks).  He has informed me that he sees them as an extension of himself, how he doens't trust me with them, how the only way I'll get to see them is if I want to "act like part of the family."  Which isn't going to happen, because I'm not his puppet.  Due to me ignoring him.  I woke up this morning to THIRTY missed calls from the local jacka$$.  yay...

But this are good, they're progressing, and for the first time in a very long time, I have a lot of hope about the future.  I built a dog house, Psycho's dad and SM have been great and are watching my pups for me this week, they said they've been amazing.  I'm looking at houses (which STBX will not know the location of) and rommate and I were thinking we'd celebrate by going out and doing something fun once the papers are signed.  Like I can actually breathe a bit, and there's some hope :)  I still have a lot of healing to do, but I'm learning to stand up for myself, and while I trust virtually no one, I think I'm taking positive steps to being me again.


DPW's picture

I love this update from you. I hear it in your words you wrote that you are doing better. I still will beg you to block the arse once and for all. (You can't blame me for throwing that in there lol)

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

I plan on it right after I get papers signed :)  I already updated all my social media, which has been amazing.

Siemprematahari's picture

You are doing great! Baby steps, one day at a time. You got this!

Cheers to new beginnings and a new you.

futurobrillante99's picture

Wow! Will the divorce be final when you sign the papers? With XH1, we had kids and property, so we had to be separated a year, but with XH2, we were divorced in just over 90 days and it was final on the day of our hearing. So happy.

The 2nd anniversary of settling on my current house is coming up in April. I am so thrilled to have my house that no man other than my son has ever lived in and one which I've own by myself without any man's name on the deed. Biggrin

It feels wonderful.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

30 day waiting period and it will be done!!!

I can't wiat to purchase my own house and really make it my own futuro!!!

StepUltimate's picture

I am LOVING this update - Rock ON PAI!!!

So proud of you... and RELIEVED you have been doing all this footwork to accomplish your freedom.

Thanks for the update. Biggrin

Gimlet's picture

This is such a great update!!  

Just keeping taking it one day at a time and good for you flexing those boundary and "no crap taking" muscles! 

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

THanks Gimmy!!! I'm definitely getting better at flexing those!

tog redux's picture

Congrats, glad you got to this place - why not block him now? You can unblock him if YOU need to communicate with him.

Sorry about the girls - but honestly, it's better to just let go and move on.You don't want to keep any ties to him. And last but not least - report your coworker to HR if you have HR at your company. You know he's hitting on other women too, and they might not handle it as well. Don't worry about getting him in trouble, that's how jerks like him keep doing what they do.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Because I'm trying to get him OFF of all my stuff.  But I have him muted so I don't have to see the messages. Smile

I agree on all that.  We don't have HR, and I'm the only female under like 50 there...  And he's been distant since I got after him, so as long as he keeps his distance now we'll leave it be.  I might mention something, but less as a formal complaint.

queensway's picture

YEP!!! You keep moving forword. I think you are on the right track. Always remember that you are a strong woman. Believe in yourself. XO

Aniki's picture


However, I still caution you to NOT drop your guard. I fully expect stbx to cause delays with signing and continuing to "woo you back".  The minute he signs, he should be blocked with the caveat that any future BS will result in you filing the RO that's just awaiting your Jane Hancock.

And do talk to HR about that skeezy coworker. Unless Evil Aniki can get a posse of STalkers together and talk to him...  *diablo*

lieutenant_dad's picture

Already on it. She's only an hour away from me in my old stomping grounds. I got a posse of curb stompers at the ready if needed!

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

Such amazing backup Smile Plus I'll be in your neck of the woods at like 5AM to catch my flight back!

You're right though Ani.  That's def the plan, except reporting,  he's been keeping a blissful 4 foot radius minimum away from me since I told him off. LOL