You are here

I have been gone for a while

praying's picture

Submitted by praying on Tue, 02/04/2014 - 12:02pm

It has been a really long time since I posted. I am not sure if some of you even remember me. I tried leaving here on a high note. Unfortunately, things have got worse.

We had to move because our address was being passed around online. We had to tell Ss the truth and as expected, it broke something inside him.

The only words he will ever say to us any more are either curse words, or screams.

My Dh has not had one good conversation with Ss for almost 4-5 months now. Ss will call him awful, awful names. He insults my Dh as a father.

He either ignores me or yells at me to go away, calling me a bitch while doing so. I just give him his meals and that is it.

We caught him watching pornography even though we don't allow it. So now he only gets 2 hours of supervised internet usage in our living room. He completely wrecked his room when we moved his computer.

He has started drinking and smoking marijuana with the girl he became sort of friends with. We knew she was a bad influence but we wanted him to have at least one friend. We found out she was stealing his things. He knew but just kept quiet because he didn't want her to leave.

Well, we stopped her from seeing him and that was possibly the worst night of my life. Ss was literally bleeding from his hands because he was punching holes in the walls. We haven't even tried fixing all the damage yet. He gave my Dh a huge bruise on his chest.

This happened almost 3 months ago. Since then, Ss had to be hospitalised twice. He stopped eating and drinking to get back at us. All the progress we made helping him gain weight went down the drain. He now weighs less than when we started. I broke down. I put in so much effort.

I feel scared when I look at him. He looks like a walking skeleton. He hasn't said a single word Since New Years. Not a peep to anyone. Not even his dog.

He has the resigned look on his face we saw in the therapeutic school. He will definitely be behind a year in his schooling.

And he has lost bowel control greatly. He wears those "briefs" everyday. HE used to be so embarrassed of wearing them he would try everything to avoid accidents. Now it is like he doesn't care any more.

He is holding a lot of resentment towards us because we sent him to the therapeutic school. When my Dh tried talking to him around Christmas, he told us we could send him to the school again, he didn't care any more.

Dh and I don't fight as much. But my poor Dh has cried a lot in the past few months. He truly believes he is a bad father. He goes to therapy now. I hope he starts feeling better about himself.

I just needed to get this out. Thanks guys.

Comments

momagainfor4's picture

Submitted by momagainfor4 on Tue, 02/04/2014 - 12:09pm

I'm sorry, how old is your ss? What's wrong with him, does he have some sort of mental health issue or disorder?? I am sorry for asking so many questions, I'm just thrown off bc i'm amazed that you guys haven't committed this kid to an institution of some sort at this point. I know a lot of ppl would. This is totally out of control. You are being totally controlled but this kid is in charge.

he sounds as if he needs medication of some sort. smoking pot with his gf? playing games all the time, cursing at you constantly when you "take him food"?? he has accidents? I'm totally confused!!!

This guy has serious issues which very few ppl are equipped to cope with!!!

Sad

doll faced sm's picture

Submitted by doll faced sm on Tue, 02/04/2014 - 12:18pm

Probably best to go back an read her blogs. Her ss's story is long and heart-wrenching. It can be emotionally exhausting just reading it, and I doubt she's in a position of wanting to re-hash all of it.

praying's picture

Submitted by praying on Tue, 02/04/2014 - 12:18pm

Thanks...

My kids are fine. They don't interact with Ss and are doing well.

We have done everything in accordance with a trained professional. So we will take his opinion into more account than yours.

stormabruin's picture

Submitted by stormabruin on Tue, 02/04/2014 - 12:41pm

I have to ask, did this trained professional advise that you allow SS to continue socializing with the girl he was drinking & smoking weed with, or did you not consult him regarding that situation?

If that's what he advised, I would be looking for someone else to consult with.

If you opted to make the decision to allow her to keep SS company without seeking council from the professional, why?

I have to agree with what KISS mentioned as far as the other children. You're family had to move because of what's going on. I would be very concerned about the safety & the mental well-being of YOUR children.

praying's picture

Submitted by praying on Tue, 02/04/2014 - 3:46pm

hi ripley, I didnt realise you changed user names.

We let Ss hang out with the girl because he was incredibly lonely. And she was making him laugh. I guess it is unfair of me to blame the drinking on her. Ss was doing this before her. But the marijuana she did introduce. And stealing from him a huge deal.

We wanted him to have someone to talk to. And she was the closest thing we could find. Unfortunately hindsight is 20/20.

We are not going to change the therapist again. He comes highly recommended and has dealt with extremely difficult cases. We are sure he would be able to help Ss if Ss would just accept the help. He refuses to talk in therapy.

praying's picture

Submitted by praying on Tue, 02/04/2014 - 12:21pm

We got him back after he tried to commit suicide again. There was a girl there who confessed to molesting Ss but recanted after. Ss would not talk so we never found out the truth. My Dh just couldn't trust the school anymore. Maybe he caved early. But I really can't say whether he made a good/bas decision Sad

My kids are doing well. Ss doesn't interact with them. I think the fact that they have friends just makes Ss more ans more resentful.

doll faced sm's picture

Submitted by doll faced sm on Tue, 02/04/2014 - 12:21pm

I've also wondered about you; I'm sorry to hear things haven't improved for anyone.

It seems, more than anything, you ss just needs to scapegoat his feelings onto you guys. I know you and your DH are doing the best you can in a horrible situation.

((hugs))

texstep's picture

Submitted by texstep on Tue, 02/04/2014 - 12:47pm

Oh praying. I am so sorry things have gone south. I was hoping not hearing from you was a positive thing Sad

You and your DH are doing all you can. I can't even imagine. Hugs to you friend

Lalena75's picture

Submitted by Lalena75 on Tue, 02/04/2014 - 1:03pm

Praying I have thought of you and your family often. I'm saddened it hasn't gotten better for you all it must be heartbreaking. I wish I had words of advice and comfort that somehow this has purpose, meaning, that it will all be okay. Just know you have been heard and though I'm not a mainstream religious type person I offer goodness and healing thoughts your way. I still have hope it gets better.

BSgoinon's picture

Submitted by BSgoinon on Tue, 02/04/2014 - 1:12pm

OH Praying... So bitter sweet to hear from you. I hoped you had come back to report good news.

I will continue to pray for you. I can't imagine what you are going through.

Much love and many many prayers going out to you <3

Azure's picture

Submitted by Azure on Tue, 02/04/2014 - 1:33pm

I remember you Praying.... So incredibly sad for your SS and DH, and you too! What are your next steps with SS?

Shaman29's picture

Submitted by Shaman29 on Tue, 02/04/2014 - 3:00pm

Oh Praying. I think about you often. Thank you for checking back in with us.

Not one of us will ever understand the nightmare you are all living, unless we walk in your shoes.

All I can do is offer my heart-felt sympathy to you and your family. All of you are suffering because some sick bastard hurt your poor SS, while his own mother stood by and did nothing. This poor kid was betrayed and the very heart of him was destroyed by someone he trusted.

I truly hope he can find the strength someday to be able to face his demons.

I wish you all peace of mind, strength of heart and all the love the world has to offer.

Hugs.

Shaman

hurtandalone's picture

Submitted by hurtandalone on Tue, 02/04/2014 - 3:24pm

I remember you. I am so sorry that things have not improved, thank you for checking back and you are in my thoughts.

simifan's picture

Submitted by simifan on Tue, 02/04/2014 - 5:18pm

I had hoped that things had gotten better since you left. I am sorry to hear it hasn't. I will keep you and yours in my thoughts and prayers.

kathc's picture

Submitted by kathc on Tue, 02/04/2014 - 7:04pm

I remember you, I've thought about you a lot and hoped you'd come back and let us know how you're doing.

I wish things had gone better for your family. I thought the school might help.

Vent any time. I have no idea how you can stay so strong. ((((((Hugs))))))

arjuna79's picture

Submitted by arjuna79 on Tue, 02/04/2014 - 7:19pm

Oh Praying. I'm so sorry to hear this is where you all are at. I cannot imagine. Strength to you and prayers to all of you.

misSTEP's picture

Submitted by misSTEP on Wed, 02/05/2014 - 4:15pm

I have thought of you and your situation often. I was hopeful that things were going better since you hadn't posted.

I'm so sorry things are getting worse instead of better. You guys must be almost frantic about him. Sad