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PokaDotty's picture

Submitted by PokaDotty on Fri, 02/22/2019 - 2:19pm

So it's been an age since I posted anything. I've learned after 12 years of being a SM that the best way to function is finding my own level of disengagement when dealing with SDs 20 & 15.

I'm back here posting today because SD15 seems to have inherited BM's ability to create her own delusional world. I can't be overly surprised when 50% of SD's DNA is bat-poop crazy. DH has basically been ghosted since the Christmas grab. No shocker there as this is a normal pattern. For the past 3 weeks, SD15 has gone radio silent. Not for any reason or perceived slight, simply because there hasn't been any 'need' for her to engage. She must be good in the expensive shoe category. DH texts almost daily with a hi msg to both girls. SD20 is better at responding to him. SD15 doesn't and the excuses when they do connect are laughable. DH even mailed SDs Valentine Day cards and candies. Still nothing. For the past 2 years, SD15 basically comes over 1x a month.

So today, out of the blue, BM sends a text asking if DH will be picking SD15 up. Claims SD15 mentioned coming over to our house. Have no clue how that is even possible since there has been no contact. None. Nada.

The situation is weird b/c the texts appear like there is this conversation going on when it has been dead silent. How does one respond in this scenario? We have plans this weekend. Yes, my DD18(graduating HS May then college in July!)is over this weekend but we don't have to "entertain" her. She's going out of town with a friend on a day trip tomorrow. DH and I have adult plans for the weekend since the weather is pretty nice here and frankly, SD15 never even registered when we planned them since she has been MIA.

This last minute text stuff is crap. We scrambled and made it work last time when the text came in the SD15 "mentioned" coming over. I suppose she must need new clothes or something...

Anyway, as I was typing this DH calls and says he finally responded back to BM saying he hasn't heard from SD15 in over a month despite his texts, calls and even paper mail so why she thinks she would be coming over is beyond him. BM responds back that she didn't know and that she was just going to "drop her off in an hour" at our house (DH and I both still at work) and they can "talk it out" because she has "papers to go pick up"(WTH??). Sounds like BM has weekend plans..

Oh course now SD15 *finally* calls DH.

Comments

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Fri, 02/22/2019 - 2:26pm

I hope your DH told BM "NO, you will NOT drop her off. We won't be home this weekend. "

PokaDotty's picture

Submitted by PokaDotty on Fri, 02/22/2019 - 2:30pm

He just got another message from BM that SD15 was "scared" to contact DH because she has poor grades right now.

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Fri, 02/22/2019 - 2:37pm

Ignore.

So much like BM here. SS19 is allowed to have a relationship with DH when it's convenient for BM (yes, at 19, he's still her lap dog).

lieutenant_dad's picture

Submitted by lieutenant_dad on Fri, 02/22/2019 - 2:48pm

"Well, too bad for that. Wife and I are going out of town tonight. If your drop off SD, she'll be stuck sleeping on the lawn. So I make the recommendation you not drop her off."

Then just be late getting home. Let DD know, too, so that she can be gone and/or not feel responsible for SD.

shamds's picture

Submitted by shamds on Fri, 02/22/2019 - 7:38pm

grades were shit

ss refused to come home after calling hubby from uni demanding a pickup at 2pm immediately like he was a taxi driver. Hubby works in upper corporate management and runs his friggin bank. He told him to get an uber ride home and that he was to acknowledge me and our 2 kids and say hi and none of this pretending we don’t exist bullshit and he would be forcibly made to watch our kids and spend time and do chores.

know what happened? He didn’t come home and never messaged hubby despite saying he was coming home.

2 weeks later he apologises for not coming home or contacting hubby, he was stressed at being asked to be a half decent human being oh and he was busy... hmmmm right so you telling me you were coming home as free and suddenly busy is such bullshit.

told hubby his kid was playing him and i asked hubby “are you stupid?”, he replied no which is when i said well your kids are playing you for a dumbfulk. After the reflection he admitted it and said i don’t know how to manage this issue anymore. He does my head in and i need help.

so i told hubby call him out on his contradictory bullshit excuses, don’t accept them and lay down firm expectations and there are no excuses ever. I told him you may feel guilty when he chucks the hissy fit but this is him disrespecting you, don’t accept it. Him disrespecting you should remind you this child has issues and should not treat people the way he has.

hubby agreed. Next visit hubby did go pick him up and on car ride home he was told he lost privileges of locking his bedroom door, hubby would do regular inspections and not knock, hubby would barge in so if ss used excuse what if i’m changing clothes etc hubby would have said tough, i’ll see you naked then. When you’ve been rude/disrespectful full of bullshit excuses thats what you get. He was told what chores he would have to do and forcibly made to sit outside with our kids. He was also given an ultimatum to clean his bedroom from toxic mould spores growing on his wardrobe amongst other things

all it took was that 1 firm talk from hubby which ss realised he couldn’t continue the i’m stressed snd need more time to be a decent well mannered human and nothings wrong scenario the past 4 yrs we been married. Hubby called bullshit on that

PokaDotty's picture

Submitted by PokaDotty on Fri, 02/22/2019 - 7:48pm

Got caught up in our evening. SD15 did not show THANKFULLY!! We will be gone all day tomorrow and DD18 is aware of the situation. 

BM sent a text claiming she had "no idea " SD has been ghosting DH and that she "might have to take away her phone". At this point, the plan is to continue our weekend and ignore the craz-o people for now. I'll post more if anything else happens.