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Parent teacher conferences..... why do they only hear it when someone else says it?

PeanutandSons's picture

Both teachers said exactly what I've been saying. When I say it, he blows it off, and gets the 'you-dont-like-my-kids' attitude, yet when the teachers say the same exact thing suddenly its action time.

Ss10 has been acting an absolute fool at school. I was against taking him off his add meds, but was told it wasn't my place when the decision was made. I've mentioed it several time in the 6 weeks that schools been in session. I've even gotten into a fight with my own mother who feels that 'as ss's mother' I should have put him back on the meds myself. (dont even get me started on that one).

Some of ss's issues are clearly add related, but a lot of them are him just not caring or trying in he least. But thankfully after listening to the teacher say exactly what I've been saying, he's has agreed that SS needs to go back on his meds. Appt is next weeks, so hopefully things should improve on that front soon.

SD has issues with talking instead of doing her work, and with running her mouth and giving attitude to students and the teacher. Also issues I bring up constantly that he needs to get on her about, but I get blown off. Teacher was telling us stories of what's happening in her class and I struggled to keep a smile face. He always makes excuses or claims I am exaggerating when I tell him how awful his daughter behaves when he's not around. Well, now I have third party confirmation, and he now admits she needs to get her mouth under control. My favorite story was that during the state writing asessment, Sd9 stopped writing, took out a book and started reading. Teacher went over and told her that she knows she can't have books out and to put it away. SD huffs at her, rolls her eyes and begins to argue with the teacher and refuses to put the book away and finish her writing assessment. Teacher says that she finally got SD to listen but that SD gave her A LOT of attitude.

SD version of this incident the day it happened was.... I was reading a book and didn't realize that it wasn't a time to be reading ....all innocent. I doubt he will actually get on her about it, but it was nice to have the validation.


CPaquette's picture

I feel this exact same way. I am a SM and a teacher. I KNOW what I am talking about. I am effing trained in how to deal with kids! I say things to my DH and he says "they're just kids" or "you just don't like them" bullish*t. I am so sick of it... soon as someone else says it (i.e. their own teacher in a conference) all of a sudden its "we have to work on this". When he says WE, he means ME.

I am done. I just don't care anymore. I leave my house most weekends that the kids are around either traveling or spending extra time at the gym/shopping/nails or with gfs.

Time for you to do the same. I didn't think that I could disengage, as so many people call it on this site- but really....sometimes you just have to. It's your only sanity.

I am trying's picture

Yes! Me too! I too am an elementary teacher and have specialized skills and training dealing with kids. My DH always tells me that even though I don't have kids, I still probably know a lot more about dealing with them than him so he encourages me to tell him when I think something's up or have suggestions for him. But then, whenever I do see something that is a concern he also gets the "you don't like my kid" or "you're just out to get her" attitude. He also throws in the "I was the same way at that age" in order to dismiss the behaviour. Ummm...that doesn't mean you weren't messed up too!

smarmy's picture

YES!! Anytime I say anything about SS9's behavior DH always says that I am just "looking for reasons not to like him!"


If anything I am looking for reasons TO like him!

Yet if someone else says something about his incessant whining then it is a problem!

DH is allowed to get upset about his pouting whining and crying but GOD FORBID I do!!! If I do then I am just 'hating on him'

It drives me up the I have just started shutting up about it.

CPaquette's picture DH has two ex-skids 19 and 12- that he treats with the worst kind of kid gloves and it grosses me out. I honestly don't know why they even come over....that has started to be further in between since they don't like the rules. Too bad, so sad- DONT CARE.

Then his bios, 6 and 8. He treats them totally different. They have rules and follow them. It's so ridiculous.

I can tell that he is afraid the older two (that aren't his bios) will stop coming to see him, so he is extra lenient. I am not cool with that, its a terrible example for the younger two.....when I say that its immediately attack on him. Whateverrrrr....

DeeDeeTX's picture

I think for some reason many DHs take our comments as a personal attack on them, so they go into defense mode.

When someone else says it, they don't feel as personally attacked, so they're more apt to listen

Why that is, I don't know.