Yes, you did cross a line. A 12 year old will act like that occasionally, it's part of being a teenager.

Please don't take offense, but as an adult you should have handled that better. And I do not believe that you don't care. Please put yourself in her shoes and understand how that comment must have felt to her and work on an apology...quickly.

That is a comment that you, as a stepmom, may not be able to recover from with her. She will always remember what you said.

You have about 6 more years of that kind of attitude, you will need to learn better coping skills if you want to have that child in your life in the future.

Oh No Mermaid!! Believe me, I completely understand the frustration and the anger and how hard it is to control it, but you have just gutted that girl to the core.

If her real mom isn't around, she probably IS AFRAID that she will lose you too. She does love you... she is just being a bratty kid.

Please - do the right thing, go into her room and tell her that you are so sorry that you even said something so out of line. And that you didn't mean it, and that you know it was mean. YOU HAVE TO APOLOGIZE for this. She will always remember that you said it, and now, for a long time, she is going to think that is how you truly feel.

You can turn this into a lesson, too, you know... And just tell her that you yourself were very hurt and lashed out.. just like she did when she took your pictures down. It was a vicious cycle. You made her angry, in her anger she hurt you... in your anger you hurt her. And that now it is over, and time to forget that and realize that people can love each other, even if they say or do something that is hurtful...

I hope this is okay for you two...

I agree you did cross the line. Her mother not being around is something she probably blames herself for all the time. It is no way her fault and you made it out like it was her fault she had no mother. You definetly owe her an apology. It is one thing to be discipline but that was not discipline, that was plain out rude. Now , when she comes back and is rude to you dont question why, you just taught her first hand it was ok to be mean and say things to hurt feelings. Please try to repair the breech you just made immediatly!!

You should have left it with what you said at first, you did great. Who cares if she was mad, you tought her you werent falling for her "tricks".

I was just like that at her age. I even tore pictures up just like that too, almost same situation... I had a nanny, my mom and dad were NEVER around, she tried to make me do something for school, i got mad, cut her out of all the pictures, she freaked.. yada yada. She was my only real parental figure at that point but it was kinda precarious cause she wasnt my mother.. i was scared shed leave me with my totally absent parents... we made up that time but she ended up really, truly hurting me later because she just couldnt act like an adult... come up with a good apology and expect many more such outbursts and uncontrolled emotions in the future. She was crying because the truth hurts.. just dont tell her that. Hugs, kisses, and apologies are in order, as is a girls day to reaffirm the bond. dont hurt her, she wouldnt cry if she didnt care.

It's soo difficult in these situations because after you've said it you know you've crossed the line but during the moment its so difficult to keep your thoughts to yourself. I've been in a similar situation before where sd5 was going on about how her mum hates me, how her mum has everything better than me etc, it went on for about 20mins and i got soo fed up i just snapped. turned around and said her mums got far too many kids (shes got 5 with 3 diff dads!!). Luckily i dont think she fully understood because shes only 5 but obviously I know I shouldn't have said that but couldnt keep my mouth shut at the time.

I also have similar problem with arguing with my boyfried. When we argue about the whole step situation, i cant help but throw it back at him for being a bad dad for leaving his daughter in the first place...I know I shouldnt keep saying this but its a situation which i dont really understand. I grew up with my mum and dad staying together...my bf says i am lucky for this and of course i do feel blessed but dont think it was down to 'luck'. There were times when things were really hard for my mum and dad and times when it would have been a lot easier for them to split up but they knew they had brought 2 children into the world and had a responsibility to us to do what is best so they worked at their problems and for this i respect them more than anyone in the world!

I'm glad you apologized and that you guys are ok.

i'm happy it worked out, but i do identify with your reaction and would have responded the same way if not worse. one time sd came back with one of those "you're not my mother" and i responded with "thank god, FOR ME"....