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Worried about SS

Nymh's picture

According to BM, when SS is with her he complains of severe stomach pain. She says that this has been going on for over a month now. We have had him twice in that period of time - once for a full weekend, and once for a regular one day visit. When he was with us, he didn't complain of his stomach at all. Apparently when he's with BM it's so bad that he begs her to take him to the doctor. She took him to the ER, who told her that he needed to poop. She said they were stupid and took him to a children's hospital about an hour and a half from her house. They were there for almost 12 hours. They did MRI's, scans, X-rays, the works and can't find anything wrong with SS. She took him there again a few days later and they did more tests, still finding nothing. She took him to her regular family doctor who also found nothing. Now they're referring SS to a neurologist.

EDIT: I almost forgot to add that we were informed YESTERDAY that SS is on homebound now, and apparently has been for a while. BM called BF multiple times during a 15 minute period and during one of those calls BF tried to direct the topic of conversation to SS since that's the only reason she should be calling (she was asking him about court dates, why they were getting pushed back, the phone harassment charges, who his lawyer was, etc.) He kept hanging up on her after telling her that what she was calling for was inappropriate, but when he asked how SS was she said "He seemed fine when I left." He asked if SS was at school or at home. "There is no school." When will he be going back? "Well he's on Homebound." WHAT? Why? "Because he's missed so many days for being sick." Is he going to fail? "No, he's not gonna fail." We had no idea the kid was on homebound and she didn't even tell us until we happened to ask her something about it. Isn't that something that the dad should at least be informed of, if not consulted for? And do you think she would have even told us at all if we had not asked about it? GRRR

I just KNOW it's stress. Especially since it always seems to be worse around BM. Plus she has a tendency to exacerbate problems anyway by constantly asking about them. "Does your stomach hurt?" "How are you feeling?" "Does it hurt now?" I bet if anyone asked the poor kid it probably hurts worst right after he gets home from being with us! I couldn't imagine all the questions he is asked, especially considering how she treats him when he is with us. "Is she there? Where is she? What is she doing? What is she wearing? Has she spoken to you? What did she say? Did she speak to your dad? Has she touched you? What did you have to eat? Did she get it? Did she give it to you? Did she pay for it? Did she go with you?" We've heard several of these conversations on speakerphone so we know that's exactly what happens and usually more. BF's mother has been really worried, apparently BM isn't telling her much information which is pissing her off, but when we told her what was going on she immediately said it was stress. I also told my mother about it and she said the same thing.

My hope is that the neurologist will find nothing wrong with SS, see what's going on, and refer him to counseling. In the meantime BF is going to get a hold of his lawyer as soon as they're open again and ask if we can try to get SS into court-ordered counseling considering the problems that he's having. I told BF I know exactly what's going to happen. The poor child will be placed into counseling either by his neurologist or by the court, and after a few sessions he'll start saying things that BM doesn't want to hear, and she'll do whatever it takes to get him pulled out of counseling. I think that in itself would be enough to tell a judge who should have custody, but I'm interested to know what happens from here.

I worry so much about SS. I was in his exact same situation at his same age and I had major depression problems all throughout my teen years because no one took care of me the way we'll be taking care of him. I had ulcers by the time I was 12. I felt like no one cared about me because I had so many issues and no one spent the time to find out about it or try to make it better. I just hope he doesn't have to go through what I had to go through. BM's been taking steps in the right direction by taking him to doctors to try to figure out what's wrong...I'm just afraid that when they tell her it's nerves, and when she finds out it's mainly her causing the problems, she'll freak out and things will get even harder on SS.

Comments

Candice's picture

other than you have to let the chips fall, and then do something about it. Unfortunately, we can't prevent the damage that some parents cause their children. Hopefully, someone will force bm to put this poor kid into counseling, and then bm will have to go for updates, then possibly she will be ordered into counseling. That is the best you can hope for. But in a lot of cases, judges don't do anything about it, they just let bm's have the kids, and they get to raise them however they want.

Some therapists will work on weekends, so when you and your bf get ss on a regular basis, see if you can find a therapist that specializes with children and who will work with your timeframe. You don't have to have bm's permission, as long as you have insurance, just take him.

As far as homebound...I guess I'm dense, b/c I have no idea what homebound even is...but it doesn't sound good. If ss does fail, or has school issues, that does weigh heavy in court.

Try not to worry too much. Yes, ss is going through a lot, and no matter what your involvement is, he will b/c of who is mother is. There is no rescuing this child from his mother...trust me, if all of us could rescue our skids from their psycho bm's, more of us would have custody than paying cs.

Bests,
Candice

Nymh's picture

Homebound means he's been missing so many days that BM has gone to the school and presented the circumstances to them, and asked them if it's OK for her to keep him home until he can start going there on a regular basis again, and they've said yes. It means that he won't fail because of absences and she won't be brought under investigation for truancy. It also means that all of SS's classwork that he would be getting lessons over in school is just sent home to him and it's up to BM to teach him what he needs to know and get him to do the assignments, then turn them in to the teachers on a set schedule.

Seems like a long and intricate (not to mention IMPORTANT) process for her to have gone through and not even told or asked BF about it...

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

Candice's picture

Whenever our bm was about to look like a total dumbass or unfit mother, she would always withhold that information. She at one time refused to let us know which school she was enrolling him in b/c she moved like 3 times that summer. So when he was starting school, we had no idea which school he was going to! ARG!

Anyhow, I'm scared for your ss b/c she doesn't sound very responsible, and he could possibly end up failing b/c of her not turning in the school work, or not enforcing it to get done.

Geesh! Well, like I said earlier, if he doesn't do well in school, be sure to let your lawyer know b/c that is one thing judges don't take lightly.

Don't stress over this, it's not an overnight process. Even if he fails, he will rebound. You have too much on your plate right now.

Bests,
Candice

Becky's picture

If he is on homebound, he probably missed 2+ weeks straight before bm requested services and they were granted. She should have had something from the doctor stating he can't attend school for one reason or another before the school put him on HB. The school district usually provides a homebound teacher (a licensed teacher) to meet with the student a certain number of hours per week so it won't be up to BM to teach him~that sounded like a concern of yours~(unless the school district is unlike any that I know of---which it could easily be. I know about many districts but not all). You could have BF call the school and talk to the counselor about this (I assume he has the legal rights) and find out if there is a homebound teacher and if they received documents from a doctor regarding homebound). Good luck.