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Here's one for the books--BM's dad is going to finance our court battle!

northernsiren's picture

Well, it’s been a great kickoff to BM’s new baby. Today makes one week exactly that BM has had her latest spawn home with her, and SD planned to spend this weekend with her grandparents, and so we wouldn’t be seeing her. Okay, no problem. So FH and I were dressed and ready to go to a nice brunch at a prospective wedding venue when we get a call from the grandparents. Apparently about an hour after they picked up SD from BM’s, BM called irate and demanded they return SD b/c she had not fully completed her myriad of chores and thus had to both finish them and be punished. The grandparents protested, said they had her an hour away, and basically told BM to go to hell. LOL.

Well, BM proceeded to blow up their phone for the rest of the evening, and all day the following day as well. Sunday comes and it’s still going on so BM’s father’s wife calls us, basically in tears and told us that SD had confessed that BM was hitting her, and she was afraid to go home to her mothers. Apparently the grandparents have even witnessed this, but as in slaps, not the slamming her head against the wall that SD now says is going on.

The grandparents are livid, and are going to the school tomorrow to basically try to register a concern for her well being and a request that the school intervene. I have a feeling the school is going to be hands off with all this, and tell them to go to the cops.

Anyway, after a long back and forth with the grandparents (keep in mind this is BM’s FATHER and his wife) where basically FH assured them he would do anything he could in the endeavor to get SD out of BM’s house and either into our house or into the grandparents house, the grandparents decide to call BM’s husband to try to negotiate SD’s return to the house, as BM has told them that if they do not return SD by 3:00, that she would call the cops.

Not 5 minutes later, BM calls and says “SD is causing problems” and so launched into what proved to be an all day on and off conversation (we never made it to brunch) Sad . FH’s response is “let her come life with me then.” And BM, true to form says “well if you’ll sign something saying you’ll never come after me for child support I’ll do it.” Not a word about visitation, or school, nothing, just money, and BM protecting her ass. I loved it, and was standing next to FH listening to her crap about her being a good parent and how SD is better of with her "just because". Some of the highlights, read them keeping in mind these are all said within the same day and are completely contradictory:

“SD is lying to everyone to turn them against me” Wink
“SD is a horrible person” :jawdrop:
“SD is my life” :O
"I need SD" :?
“I didn’t spend the last 15 years raising her so she could go live with someone else” Blum 3
“My husband isn’t her father, so he doesn’t give her the same attention as my other kids, that’s just the way it is” :sick:
“I’m not bringing SD to therapy b/c she’s just to going to lie about everything like she does to everyone else” :jawdrop:
“If you’ll sign paperwork saying you won’t come after me for child support you can have her” :jawdrop:
“I feel abandoned over here at my house”:sick:
“SD just likes to cause trouble and drama” Biggrin
“SD hates to be seen in public with you, and she doesn’t want to live with you at all” :O

Oh it just went on and on…

So 3:00 comes and apparently the grandparents bring SD back to her mothers. The grandfather walks into the house to try to diffuse the situation SD is walking into, and BM flips out and starts screaming at him. SO he walks out without saying one word to her and that was that.

Apparently as a result of them telling BM to go to hell, the grandparents are now banned from BM’s house, and forbidden to see SD. These are people that have stepped to the plate and been there for SD her entire life, pretty much providing for everything, in addition to the ways FH has provided for her. They’ve taken her on vacations, bought her school clothes, made sure she had Christmas gifts, been there for her for birthdays and holidays, her school graduations, her school events, sports events, (most of which we were there with these people, no BM in sight).

So last night at about 8:00 the grandfather calls to see if we had heard anything further about the situation. We had not. FH tells him that we had begun investigating the legal process months ago, but were stymied for lack of money to drop 5K on a lawyer, who told us the best bet without anything in terms of photos of bruises or police reports (all we have is that BM was arrested for assaulting her own mother) was that BM wouldn’t be able to afford her own lawyer, and would just drop it.
The grandfather agreed, and said BM would have dragged it out and drained every resource we had.

That said, he said he would pay for the legal costs associated with getting SD out of BM’s home. Whether it’s into ours, or into his, he doesn’t care, as long as she is safe and loved somewhere. They are plenty well off, and live in a good town for schools, and honestly FH would not have any problem if she ended up living there instead of here. In my heart of hearts, I think it would actually be better, but you never know. Anyway, FH also mentioned to him what BM said about the CS, and basically the grandfather told FH he would help out financially with SD’s upkeep if BM was going to be like that. FH graciously declined, saying that was not the point, it was just the point that BM’s concern in all of this is not SD, but money, and that’s just sad.

So, it looks like BM’s own father is going to finance our court battle, and give affidavits! How much do you suck at life where your own parents are not only rooting against you in court, but PAYING to have a child removed from your custody b/c you’re unfit???? }:)


StepG's picture

if she will give her up on the gurantee that he will not come back to her for child support then that tells you right there to sign that agreement and get your SD out of there and that would be a raise in your pockets as you would not have to pay the cs anymore either and your sd would be so much happier with ya'll. I am sad to hear about her mom hitting her. Take the grandfather up on his offer and go to court but if she was serious about you can have her if promise to never come for money take the offer and run but in turn she gives sole custody to dad and she has no decision in it. so sad.

northernsiren's picture

she backpedaled from this position when he said he'd take her up on it as soon as she filled out the paperwork giving him custody and ceasing his current CS payments...

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein

northernsiren's picture

BM admitted she was out of ways to punish SD, so said she was going to take all her clothes to the salvation army!!! Yup, you know, all those close her grandfather, FH and I have bought her??


"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein

melis070179's picture

I love this story. Poor kid Sad Sucks to have a mother like that. I hope SD didn't get hit when she returned home!

"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"

frustratedinMA's picture

OMG.. Northern.. I am so glad that bm's dad is willing to go to bat for you guys. Hopefully the courts will look at the fact that bm's dad thinks she is unfit, and that should speak VOLUMES!!

I hope that one of you guys gets her.. that bm sounds like Joan Crawford.

northernsiren's picture

I am concerned that BM will somehow placate him and he'll back down. I guess his wife is a real ummmm b*llbuster however, and HATES the BM, so I don't think she'll allow him to back down. I just fear the message it will send to SD if this all goes by the wayside, that no one will follow through for her and she's stuck dealing with her problems alone. Quick way to get a very unhappy teenager...

I hope it does speak volumes too, I think it's so so ironic that for the forseeable future we'll be spending part of our Sat-Sun time with SD in the company of BM's family, so they still get to see her and be a part of her life. LOL, we'll be going to brunch as a family from now on, LOL, just what a motley family it is!!!

I'm glad they've been so involved in SD's life. I've actually had the chance to get to know them a little, since they went to many of SD's games, just like us, her graduation ceremony, just like us, no BM in the picture.....

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein

frustratedinMA's picture

I will keep them crossed.. sounds like this little girl needs all the love and help she can get to get away from such a horrid mother.

Its an interesting family to say the least, but at least you know they got YOUR back and NOT bm's. I do think this would make a judge sit up and take stock.. How could it not!?!??!

Rags's picture

One of my closest friends had a similar situation with his XMIL. The XMIL testified in support of him in court as being the most fit placement for his three daughters and against her own daughter.

He got custody of all three girls.

Good luck and best regards,

northernsiren's picture

there's no question it's not the result of a bitter relationship, poor parenting communication, or a noncustodial's wish to no longer pay CS. It's coming from a 3rd party, completely out of interest for SD. I really hope that speeks volumes!

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein

Sia's picture

I hope that it all works out for her! She needs to be with people who love and care for her. But, please do keep in the back of your mind that blood is thicker than water and daddy may turn on you guys faster than he did on BM. Same thing happened to us, so I can tell you that BM parents are not always the best thing to soley have in your corner, though it doesnt hurt!
I would be leary of taking money from him, maybe you could both petition the courts together instead of just going it alone. Maybe that way, it would look so much better to a judge to have her own parents file the claim rather than just you guys. Also, shop around. Do consults with all the lawyers in your town and hers if possible, cause then it would be a conflict of interest for any attorney you have met with to take BM on as a client. }:)
Also, in most states, if the gparents were fearful of abuse, they have a right to not return the child to the home and file an emergency change in temp custody. Once she is placed w/gp's it's an easy fight from there. I will keep my fingers, toes and eyes crossed for you guys and SD! Smile

northernsiren's picture

That is my biggest fear Sia, but apparently grandfather's wife wears the pants in their house (no wonder I like her) and, like any educated self respected person would, HATES the BM, and has for quite some time. This woman, of no blood relation to SD, started a college savings fund for her, and has vowed to get SD out of the house. This woman has also been banned from BM's house in the past for calling BM out on her sh*t.

I don't think she's going to drop it, but in all actuality, it is my biggest fear.

I think that's how it's going to come out, we will jointly petition the court, and they can pay the bill. We will have to present a united front.

I didn't even think about it, but your right, at the time they SHOULD have refused to return SD. Let BM call the cops, and they should have said they feared for SD's safety in the home, that would have gotten the ball rolling!!! }:)

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein

SM#1's picture

I would ask BM to sign over her parental rights. This ways she pays you no CS and also has NO rights to SD at all. She wont ever be able to contact SD or even take you back to court. If BM signed over her rights--she would have no more right to SD than the neighbor next door.