What do you do when you are completely overwhelmed?
Do any of you ever feel completely overwhelmed? Like, all of the responsibility of life is yours. How do you handle it?!
For me, I feel this way all the time and it just builds and builds and builds until I just want to cry with frustration. My husband lost his job a while ago, so financial responsibility for us is completely and 100% mine. I am the one that has to figure out how to pay the bills and how to make ends meet. Even if Hubby were working, I would still be the one doing this, there just would be extra income to play with.
I am the one that has to figure out what is going on with SD5, as well as being the contact for BM and dealing with BM’s bullshit. Hubby won’t talk to BM. He hates her. I feel the same way, but since I deal with difficult/crazy people for a living I can usually handle her. I hate to admit it, but if it wasn’t for me talking to BM, Hubby would never talk to his daughter. I have to talk to BM when we call for SD (BM never calls us), because BM will never just hand SD the phone and let her talk. I have to talk to the CPS workers that are working on her case. I have to talk to the schools to ensure we’re getting SD’s school info. I have to talk to the child support people about support and all that garbage.
I can’t concentrate at work and I’m at risk of losing my job. I have always had issues with attention but have always been able to work around them. But in the last year to year and a half it has gotten steadily worse.
I am the one that has to worry about whether we get pregnant or not because I have to take my birth control everyday.
Although my husband does generally do most of the cleaning, he NEVER cleans the kitchen. He won’t even help with it usually. It has to get really really really bad before he’ll do anything. And
I have to do the majority of the cooking because Hubby isn’t usually hungry, but he’ll always eat when I cook.
I got into a car accident last week, so now I have to figure out what to do about another car. I have to deal with the insurance companies and lawyers. I have to figure out when I can make it to the doctor. I am the only one that drives because Hubby doesn’t have a driver’s license.
I just don’t know what to do anymore. I am so stressed and exhausted and stressed. I want to quit and make everything go away. I feel like everything I try fails. Everything I plan doesn’t work out.
I know, you’ll all say that I should make Hubby deal with the stuff with SD and I’ve tried. When I leave it up to him, months will go by without contact. I worry that if left too long, our future kids will not know their sister. I got fed up today with the bitch always asking me for money, so I deleted her phone number from my phone. I know that doesn’t really solve anything, but it sure did feel good.
I feel like I’m at my wits end and I’m going to crack. I feel like I don’t know what to do anymore….
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I know you know you are going
I know you know you are going to hear this...Let DH deal with BM and SD. If he lets communication go, thats on him. Its not your child. I'll bet if you let DH deal with all of that crap you will feel 100% better, I know I did when I made DH step up.
Sounds like DH doesn't do anything because you do it all for him. Start doing some things for yourself.
There are many things that
There are many things that you can do when you are completely overwhelmed.But I guess it depends upon you on how you carry yourself properly.You just need to be your plain old self so you feel comfortable at all times.If you know yourself then there's a lot of things waiting for you to discover.Life is a continuous process of learning and then every thing follows.I remembered my favorite talk show host Jimmy Kimmel who brings the best in him not just to please his self but also the happiness that he can give to other people. Lost is one of Jimmy's shows where you have been watching it for nearly all 6 years to maintain a perception of what's going on.
Oh wow. That is terrible.
Oh wow. That is terrible. Sorry you are having it so rough.
How long ago did your DH lose his job? And, I assume since he is not working you are paying his CS too???
I used to be a lot like you. Still am to a degree. But, as I got a bit older, I let MANY things go. Why kill myself if no-one else is?
I agree with Pantera, let your DH deal with EVERYTHING related to SD and BM. It stinks if he loses touch, but that will be on him, not you.
He lost his job a year and a
He lost his job a year and a half ago. The company he worked for went under. He does construction and the jobs in our area are few and far between. He had a couple of prospects a few months ago, but nothing panned out.
I agree with the "why kill myself if no-one else is", but its hard to get past the 'must accomplish everything' feeling. SD's grandmother, my MIL, doesn't even keep in contact with SD. She says she loves her and misses her, but won't pick up the phone to call her because she doesn't want to talk to BM either!
Oh no worries, we aren't
Oh no worries, we aren't planning on having kids anytime soon, but it sucks that even that is my responsibility!
I do need to figure out a way to get over feeling the need to be so involved with BM and SD. I do it for SD most of all, because BM is a horrible and shitty ass parent...
Is your husband depressed? It
Is your husband depressed? It sounds like he's given up.
Why doesn't he care about seeing his child and if he doesn't care about seeing his child enough to make the arrangements himself, why would you considering having a child with him?
He has actually just started
He has actually just started taking a medication for anxiety.
He does care about his SD, how much, I don't really know. He hates the BM with a passion, as we all do. He is very skilled at avoiding what he thinks will be "painful". I think a lot may have had to do with his anxiety. We will see if this medication will help any I guess.
If you want some of the load
If you want some of the load taken then you've got to whip DH into shape. Somebody has to hold BM's feet to the fire regarding holding up her end of any visitation deal they have concocted and that honor goes to the man who showed such bad judgement of character when impregnating her. I would tell him to get off his ass and talk to BM because it's not your job, it's not his momma's job - it's HIS job. Either he's got to man up and do it or he can potentially kiss any relationship he has with his daughter goodbye and that's something you can't tolerate.
If my husband pulled this "poor whoa is me BM is such a monster I can't talk to her you do it" bullshit I would tear him a new asshole and take my employed ass to support something more worthwhile - ME in a manner I'd like to become accustomed to.
Hopefully his medication can help him to get a grip on his responsibilities.
give yourself a gold star for
give yourself a gold star for all you do ---- if it were me, i guess we wouldn't have contact with bm or sd and i would be thanking the stars above...... but if you are truly overwhelmed, just quit! everyone expects you to do it now, so fuck it, do something else with your valuable time and patience.
ok.. well, for one tell hubby
ok.. well, for one tell hubby that if he wants to talk to his kid than he has to talk to bm. if he doesnt talk to bm, no talking to kiddo. super simple. its not your problem, its good to be concerned, but if you are losing your mind then you need to force yourself to let him take responsibility for his own kid.
one word for the attention prob - adderal.
they make bc you can leave in for up to 5 years now. they also make bc for men.
stop feeding him and see how long it takes him to get off his butt and cook something.
take that grown ass man to the dmv and make him get a liscense. tell him no liscense, no sex. easy choice.
and ya.. is he depressed? if he doesnt have some clinical issue going on then you need to give that man a giant dose of reality check quick. just MHO of course...