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Surprise Court yesterday, fun fun

northernsiren's picture

I haven't posted in a while, so this may be a bit long. I did go away from Fri-Mon night and it was wonderful, I had such a good time with old friends and being in my home town, I miss it very much and well, it's been very hard to adjust to being back here since my return, and I'm really not any more happy with BF than when I left.

Anywho, I came back and immediately started harassing him about the freakin lawyer. SD has been living with us for over 2 months now, full time, and CS is still coming out of his paycheck and going to BM. We've been waiting and waiting for a court date, and the damned lawyer, any time he is confronted about it, has some excuse as to why we don't even have a date. I told BF if he didn't get on it, I would, b/c this is ridiculous. I am scheduling job interviews, and SD's grandparents, who want to be there, need to request time off from work, as does BF, we can't do this at the last minute.

Well, that's exactly what happened, LOL. BF called the lawyer THURSDAY who informed us we had court yesterday at 9:00 am sharp. Lovely. No notice in the mail, no heads up, nothing. So the big question on everyone's mind was would BM actually show up. The lawyer said he had spoken to her and she did not plan to contest it, but I knew she'd show, even to be sure they wouldn't slap her with CS. So everyone moved heaven and earth to be there, and the grandparents and I were asked to wait in the law library for 2.5 hours in case we were needed, but otherwise it was just BM and BF in with the judge. It also took much longer b/c although we had filled out financial affidavits, the stupid lawyer insisted we didn't need them, and sure enough the judge wouldn't sign off on it until they were filled out, so BM and BF ended up in a room together for 45 minutes filling out forms (with BM running a great narrative apparently about how lazy mexicans don't clean the conference rooms well enough for her tastes, ugh get a freakin job you useless POS). BM lied on her forms, and according to the judge, we were entitled to less than 5.00 a week support for SD if we wanted to pursue it.

She is on the hook however for all the CS we've been paying her, and has 30 days to pay or be in violation. She claims she felt bad about it and hasn't spent it. Yeah right, I'm sure she got her tax money, and that's where it'll come from. She is, in the future, responsible for half of SD's medical and dental bills, though I'm sure we'll never see that money either. That'll come up soon enough, as SD needs her wisdom teeth extracted soon.

BM tried to fight with BF during the hearing saying "this all could have been handled better, you should have just talked to me" apparently she forgets the many times he tried, and she said SD would live with him "over her dead body" and the carrot of MAYBE move to my town and we'll think about SD living with you. There was no reasoning with her, and when BF reminded her of that, her response "well I was mad when I said that." BM you are ALWAYS mad, and second of all, that makes it okay to say whatever you want? You are not 3 yrs old! ugh.

BM wanted no part of the custody agreement I drew up, outlining weekend visits and holiday schedules, and so the agreement states she is entitled to "reasonable visitation" Which apparently she wants none of. In the whole 2.5 hours they were together, she did not ask once about SD, about how she was doing, etc. Not that that should be surprising, as SD emailed her a month ago, just asking how she was doing and asking for pictures of her two baby half sisters, no reply, and then emailed her mother again happy Easter last week, likewise, no reply. I feel so sorry for SD, she's taking it well, though we haven't told her her mother has no interest in seeing her. Basically it is on BM to initiate the contact by either emailing SD or calling BF to make arrangements. I have little doubt we won't hear from her for a long time.

Afterward, we took SD out to lunch to celebrate, and did a little shopping. So yup, it's over, at least until we need to fight with her about some medical bills or something, but for now, it worked out. So I guess I want everyone to know it's not always a hopeless situation, it cost SD's grandparents 2K, and we got it done.


Sita Tara's picture

At least now the CS will stop coming out as soon as the court papers are filed. That can take a few weeks or more, so I would suggest your FH call the CSA and inform them of the new agreement to see if they will at least stop sending it to BM and put it in escrow.

That will be a nice little bonus when you get it all back!

I am so shocked you didn't receive any notice of the court date. We received everything, but it was always forwarded through our lawyer's office and it sounds like yours was a bit of an idiot.

At least this went very smoothly compared to what could have been.

"When you take charge of your life, there is no longer need to ask permission of other people or society at large. When you ask permission, you give someone veto power over your life." ~Geoffrey F. Abert

LizzieA's picture

Gawd, nowadays you have to do everyone else's job, too. No financial affidavits needed? Ha.
I'm glad it worked out for you, it's sad she doesn't want to see her daughter. What a loser.

northernsiren's picture

I could have done everything he did myself, it was a joke, seriously to pay this man. He dropped EVERY ball along the way, and we picked up the pieces.

And it is so sad, I understand she's mad at her for choosing to live with her dad, but I mean, grow up, it's your kid, at least TRY to have a relationship with her, especially when she's reaching out to her, trying to do the right thing, and her mother just brushes her off as if she were no one, just one final way to punish her daughter Sad

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein

The Principlist's picture

Congrats that it is finally over. Court sucks. Your lawyer sucks BIG. BM suckety sucks. And the $5 CS just SUX. Now that I have gotten all of the sucks out of the way we can move forward. Smile

It is sad that BM is totally uncaring to SD. Maybe she feels that is her way to get back at SD because she chose to live with BF. Either way it goes she is only hurting SD and in the long run it will come back and bite her in the butt. When SD is older and is able to really process the relationship in her mind BM will be the one wanting a relationship with SD and SD will only work at having a relationship with her sisters. It kills me when people want to be treated like grown ups, but act like 2 year olds.

I am sorry that things are still a bit rocky with BF. I really hope that things get better for you guys. Don't expect anything from BM. We drew up visitation schedules to which she ignores. She opts out more than she participates. She does not help out in any way financially and feels that its okay. We on the other hand just do what we need to do for the kids without any regards to BM. The kids need to be taken care of regardless and their medical expenses need to be paid. It doesn't make sense for us to fight her in court and accrue court costs and lawyer fees to have her still not be responsible for her portion. It sucks big, but we can not justify taking money out of an already tight budget to fight stupidity. The kids see who they can count on and that's all that matters. The need is met and that's a done deal.

Good Luck.

Anyone can take the easy way out and blame others. BUT it takes a a person of character to take a look at one's self and actions and own responsibility for their part. ~ ME ~ }:-P

northernsiren's picture

just sucks to see it hurt SD, though she's handling it well, all things considered. her little sisters are 3 and like 4 months, so the bond there is pretty minimal. SD has a ton of relationships with other little cousins too, and I don't honestly think it's going to be a huge burden on her, I think she misses her dog most of all, and feels bad b/c she was the only one that cared for it.

And the $5 CS is such a crock. I can't even believe the double standard. As a woman, I am insulted, truly.

And as far as BF goes, only time will tell. I am worried about extracting myself from this situation if I decide that is the right thing to do. Financially it would be a huge problem for him I don't know if he could swing it, not to mention practically everything in this place is mine, including SD's bed! Sad

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein

stepmasochist's picture

Though I don't think it will be a problem in your case since BM doesn't wish to see SD, we had a problem when the order was worded "reasonable visitation".

BM took the kids and wouldn't give them back and the order was unenforceable because "reasonable" could not be defined. We didn't get to see the kids for about a month until a specific visitation schedule was put in place.

So... you might want to try again to get her to sign a standard visitation schedule. Her lawyer can sign it for her. I don't know if it will ever come up in your case, but it was a PITA for us.

northernsiren's picture

but she wanted no part of it. SD now is legally residing with us, so any change to that would be a violation of the order, plus she'd have a very pissed off teenager on her hands, I'm not worried, SD has had her taste of life without being her mother's slave, and isn't going to be intimidated again....No worst case scenario BM will never take SD again, and we'll get no break.

"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Albert Einstein