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Bus.... very long...

Jsmom's picture

I went to the school early this morning and then to the Police Station. I met with the Vice Principal who I had called on Monday confidentially about all of this. She was not aware that my son had been called in to the office. So she got his counselor to come in to the office and discuss it. I asked to speak to SD's counselor as well, but was told that is confidential. Apparently, after my DH tried to get BM to tell SD to leave BS alone, she (BM) went and filed a complaint against my son. SD was called into her counselors office and my son in his. Now, I made it clear that going forward my son was not to be asked any questions about his Step sister unless either my DH and I are present. I also basically confronted the counselor about any notes she may have taken that would be in his file. She assured me she didn't. Find that hard to believe. She said my son seemed fine when he left and she wasn't aware she had upset him. I said he went to bed at 8:00 PM last night and didn't eat dinner with us. He is scared and he doesn't like to talk to adults. "So don't do it again regarding this. If you need to discuss colleges or classes in the future that is fine". But, never ever discuss this situation with him directly."

Vice Principal was clear that she had kept everything confidential about SD as I requested. They let it drop in the conversation that BM had been in to the school to have the school handle it. Well, I gave them all the information about SD and how we got to this place. I even mentioned that we were in the process of having her diagnosed Bi-Polar before she moved out. No holds barred. I explained everything about BM and SS12 and her beating him up and that the lawyers were addressing everything. I even addressed SD's gloating about getting boys to do whatever she wanted. I wasn't mean and I told them that she is a child, but she can not cause this kind of drama without some ramifications. I even called BM out on the reason this was still not settled legally was BM wants CS. I was done letting people think poorly of my DH and I for giving up custody of that kid. We did everything we could. Now even SD has revised what truly happened. In her email to DH she said she did not leave voluntarily. She served us. DH gave in. He wants to see her. She won't. She and BM have revised in their own mind what happened.

I explained how she manipulates people and I wanted it made clear to SD's counselor that she created this drama. They assured me that they would have a conversation with her counselor.

My questions about what happens next were that she has to threaten him verbally at school or have someone get physical with my son. If he punches back, he is suspended no questions asked. Since, the threat was in an email to my DH, the school had requested I meet with the police. Did that. Was told that I need to meet with the School Resource Officer to file a complaint. But the very nice police officer has offered if I got nowhere with the SRO at school to see him again and he would drive to their house and meet with SD and BM to ask her to leave BS alone.

I made sure nothing was written down with the Policeofficer. I keep hoping that BM will handle it. But, it is clear she won't. I am waiting for a call from school to go and meet with the CRO and file a grievance. If we don't do this step and something happens with them on school property, they will automatically assume my son is culpable and he will be punished. The officer even admitted that the odds were good that they would take the girl's word on this type of stuff.

I have to tell our story three times today and I have to do it again. It is embarrasing to admit the lengths that this girl will go to. It is not going to stop. The school agreed to separate seats on the bus on Monday morning. I will drive the rest of the week. They are going to make her sit behind the bus driver and him sit at the back of the bus. I told the VP that if that couldn't make it happen exactly that way, then I would just drive. She assured me that she would tell the bus driver that. Her in front and BS at the back.

Met DH for lunch and filled him in. He is okay with everything, but he does think that the assigned seats is going to set her off. She will retaliate.
He believes that SD doesn't think rules applies to her and that an adult can't tell her what to do. She said that to him in her email. She would do whatever she wanted.

DH wants to see what the CRO officer does. I do not want him to pull the kids in at the same time to discuss it. BS does not want to be anywhere near the girl. If this does not resolve the situation, then the POlice officer will make out a report and go visit the girl. DH has fears that that will be seen by a judge as we are making life difficult for this girl. Of course, the lawyers have not been heard from. They are aware of this and have not replied to our emails asking for direction. I hate lawyers....

I appreciate all the support and I should have listened to some of you and involved the school last week. I was wrong to let BM get the jump on this. I truly believed DH that if BS ignored it it would get better. I thought BM would tell the daughter to stay away from BS. Ignore him. That is what I told my son. She doesn't want to parent. She made that abundantly clear. She told the school that my son harassed her daughter.

She has made comments about my son being "perfect". I am sure she enjoyed this. I want everyone to know and I told my DH this in the car, that it is taking all the restraint I have to not have some communication myself with BM.

I appreciate the support on this. But, there comes a point when you have to choose between upsetting the apple cart with Step kids and BM and doing what is in the best interest of your child. 5 conversations in 5 years with BM. Mostly just a hello. One letter to her when she involved my son in her lies to DH. Otherwise, nothing. When do I get my say in this?

Comments

SusiQ's picture

I'm not giong to bash you at all - I think you are handling this the best you can. I can't believe they wouldn't at least pull in SD's counselor to hear what you had to say - that's just stupid!

prayerhelps's picture

This is true---however, DH could talk to SD counselor and inform her as well and give his take

SillyGilly's picture

Don't blame yourself for telling BS to ignore her. I think with most teens that advice was very good, sound advice and would normally work. SD has a mission to make everyone miserable do it didn't work this time. That's not your fault. I'm sorry this has to be so dramatic. I hope having officals involved will produce some results and everything will settle down.

sixteensmom's picture

Hang in there. I feel for you! If the little monster is this manipulative now, certainly teachers and others have seen it throughout the year as well. They'll all know she's the kind of girl to break the rules and pick on people. Likewise, they'll know your sons character and when it all comes out noone will be surprised it's SD bullying BS even if it is girls word against boy.

The one thing you might consider is allowing the CRO officer to pull everyone into one room. You and DH and BM with the two kids. Let them do their invesitgation with everyone there. Let them see how she acts toward him and how he is with her. There's no way a little B like that will not come across as the aggressor. I understand BS doesn't want to see SD but it's like a rape case or other violent crime - the victim has to confront his attacker in order to have them tried. In order for them to see her true colors I think you're going to have to go there. I also bet BM will be the one to come out of this looking like a fool. She'll defend her daughter and also be aggressive toward your son.

Girls are bullies too. The CRO officer won't be fooled.

helena_brass's picture

I agree with Sixteensmom that someone else at her school is probably aware of the malicious behavior of your SD. School counselors tend to be poor assessors of daily character; teachers and other students, however, are more likely to see true colors emerge over the course of the year. They probably wouldn't want to get involved, but if it escalates any more and your boy's character is still in question (because she's a girl) you could have the counselor/principal speak privately to their respective teachers about their individual characters.

I also agree that it really may benefit you to have everyone together in one room. That way the whole mess of "he said she said" can be laid out on the table for everyone to see--and all reactions will be witnessed.

I'm glad that you met a helpful police officer, and perhaps a little intimidation is in order; that little girl and her BM should be aware that they are NOT the ultimate authority.

Good luck girl.

pastepmomof3's picture

Good for you! I know you are getting tired of telling the sotry but you're doing the right thing. I know your BS will certainly respect you much more after this, knowing that his mom will fight against the odds to support him. I'm thinking 16mom might be right - it might be a good idea to get EVERYONE involved into the same room to figure out this mess. SD and BM will undoubtedly show their true colors.

Good luck to you and stay strong!!

Anon2009's picture

I think you're doing the right thing. I'm sorry you and DS are in this situation.

purpledaisies's picture

I agree with the ones that said everyone needs to be in the same room. that way they will see how she acts towards you and your son.

Willow2010's picture

I am curious. I went back and read all of your post, I did not read all of the threads so maybe I am missing something. What did your SD do to your son to make him hate her so much that she is not even allowed to talk to him or his friends?

I had tried to stay out of these last blogs because I really do not agree with how your SD situation has been handled. (on several points) AND you are well liked here and I see that anyone that disagrees is branded as a heartless biotch. Lol. JK but I am thinking that maybe I am missed a lot…?

hbell0428's picture

I am sorry you have to go through all of this Sad It is the hardest thing to deal with when your child hates the stepchild; my heart goes out to you. My daughter askes all the time when SD13 is going back to her mom. My SD is a huge bully - doing things when daddy isn't looking; very quiet about the things she does....

keep us posted; and I am also curious as how it all got started as well; must have missed it along the way.... Good luck

Jsmom's picture

Yes you missed a lot.

My DH was heartbroken when all of this started with SD. My son actually saw my husband crying several times. Couldn't understand why he kept sitting in the car in the garage crying. He absolutely wants her to leave us alone. He has been in the house when we have said we can't afford to go to dinner this week and why we couldn't afford it. Lawyer bills over 12K now.

He has heard from his Step brother at dinner that she is beating him up because he doesn't move fast enough. As much as I try to keep him out of this, I can't from everything.

Also, she has been laughing and goating him on the bus for weeks now.

BS has heard everything. He watched this go on for months before she left. When I was going to the gym rather than be in the house with her on our week. Or staying in my room, because I was so depressed when she screamed at me that I was not her mother.

I could go on and on.

I have been open to opinions on this. I stayed out of it and asked DH to address it with SD only after she sent him an email yelling about my son calling her a "Bitch". Because I took advice that was given and stayed out of it, BM got to the high school first. SD played the poor me - he is picking on me.

I don't think anyone that disagrees is a Biotch as you put it. I welcome the other opinion. I just don't welcome someone continually saying that we caused this and that "Poor SD" mentality. THere is nothing poor me about this child.

She needs to have some punishment for this. Unfortunately, the only thing anyone can do is assigned seats for both of them on the bus. Until it escalates.

Have to go now, I have to go pick up my son.

hbell0428's picture

It breaks my heart to hear your son is this upset, sad and depressed!! Do you think you would ever end it because of this. I just spoke with dad about this and told him that if MY daughter continues to cry like this; we are leaving... I do not know your situation but I am sorry you have to go through this; really.............

caregiver1127's picture

Your SD will now start to learn what consequences are - and that is a good thing!! You did what you had to - to protect your son - nothing else matters - he does - nothing else. He sounds like a great person and I am sorry that he has to go through this but know it will make him stronger and I am hoping shows him what kind of woman not to go after - I am sure he will never bring home a little conniving bitch like your SD. Good luck Sweetie!