Weird Resentment of my Wonderful DH
I am having what I'd call irrational resentment and anger towards my DH (we've been together for 4 years but recently married and have been married only for 4 months). Our marriage coincided with his 13 BD moving out (depsite the fact that we share 50% custody of her) to live with her BM full time. We have 3 other kids (2 are my biological sons that are teens and one is his teen son), we haven't run into this challenge with the boys, they have been pretty norrmal and accepting of things. We'd all been living together for about 4 years and I thought we had a pretty nice life.
The weird resentment has come about recently because ot the pain and guilt I am experiencing because his daughter left. I am finding that I am angry at him for this, when it is in no way his fault or within his control. I am also angry because no one seems to be holding his daughter accountable for the pain she is causing to her Dad. His family (mostly one of his 4 siblings and her husband and daughters are pretty close with his daughter so almost seem to side with her by their silence-- when there should be no sides). They all seem to be more worried about his daughter's mental state and her being happy and not depressed than how my DH feels or how the rest of us who are rejected feel about her leaving. They definitely coddle girls in that family and whatever they want they get with zero accountability (this is why his ex blames him and our union for her situation-- they are the zero accountability types). I think it would be different if she was at all a part of our lives, but she has dissappeared entirely. She barely communicates with him-- maybe a few texts a month-- and she'll occaisonally come give him a hug if he goes to her soccer games, but that is it, he feels generally rejected by her. I feel horrible-- 4 years of holidays and birthdays and time together and she is gone without so much as one text to me in months. I was reluctant to entertain her in a text or social media conversation because I think that is how she prefers to have our relationship be maintained-- in cyber world only! :( I only had boys so I kind of liked the idea of having a stepdaughter, but that is not going to happen apparently.
She wants to be with her labrador retriever, which I feels she cares more about than her own Dad, and her mother, who hates him so I really think she is a product of parental allienation.
The weird thing is that I am so mad inside at my DH because I am in this mess! I didn't see it coming, we all got along fine, it wasn't until he and I got married-- the month prior coincided with her getting her period around those same months and *poof* she was gone. Now I have to carry around this horrible guilt that my DH has lost one of his children because of his choice to be with me. He is supposed to be close to his 4 siblings, but I feel like one of his sisters resents me because her neice chose to leave our household and now may not be as connected to their extended family as a result. I ruined everything.
All of a sudden, now that I'm married, I feel like even though my love for him hasn't changed, I feel blindsided by this new dysfunctional situation and now I'm turned off. I know I shouldn't be, but I actually think I dislike his daughter so much for doing this to us that I am disliking him because he raised her and he can't fix it and she is his kid. None of this is his fault-- he has actually been an awesome Dad but perhaps they still blame him for leaving his ex?