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Why DH...why?

New_to_this's picture

Really DH? Why would you ask SS how he would feel if we had another kid? It was a hypothetical joking question, but SS does not like DS, so really all you accomplished was pissing me off. SS immediately said no, he did not want another sibling. DH, you might be joking, but SS does not get jokes. Why even give him any reason to say anything or start hating a child that doesn't even exist? If we want another child and I become pregnant, we just tell everyone when I'm pregnant. We don't ask them how they would feel beforehand. Especially when we know the answer is no. To me, that's like telling them that their opinion on this matters. It doesn't! You just made him feel worse in the event we do have another kid.


New_to_this's picture

Thanks for the support. I feel like DH should be careful when he says things to SS. I really think DH was totally wrong.

New_to_this's picture

DH was probably not really thinking about what he was saying when he posed that question. I'm planning on mentioning it this evening to him when we have time to talk alone. SS has mental issues and is already in both individual and group counseling. He has always been the type of child that feels betrayed when the smallest of things don't go his way, so it frustrates me more that DH would be careless and ask that question to him.

yolo222's picture

Was the hubs asking just to see what skid thought??? Or will a decision be based on the skids reaction. ?? If the latter is true this is not someone who is a true partner to you. These are adult decisions. Kids should not be involved at all. Maybe he wants the skid to feel as though they are part of the decision even though they are not. It's hard to say what the true intent was.

ChiefGrownup's picture

What a disaster. Your read on this, newtothis, is exactly the way I would feel about.

The most intimate of decisions he just opened up to derision and hostility from an inherently hostile source. Just great.

I have a dear friend who had a wonderful baby girl. The husband wanted more kids. But she kept putting it off. As the years passed and the girl got older, my friend began including her in the "family conversation." Well, as an adored only child, this girl of course "sided" with her mother.

None of my business but I always thought that was a terrible thing to do, put the "responsibility" for family size on the little girl's head. Probably my friend was just looking for ammo in saying no.

In your dh's case, I would guess he was just so excited about it that it came bubbling out his mouth.

Acratopotes's picture

WHo cares what SS says, if you and DH decide to have a baby together so be it.... SS has absolutely no say in the matter... you are not married to SS.

If you and DH agreed to have children of your own and suddenly he worries about SS.. tell him he has a choice, either you divorce or you have a kid..... DH agreed to another kid, he should not take his bratty son's advice in the matter.

SS having a tantrum about another baby, I will simply tell him... you have no say in the matter, we are not married to you, now shut the hell up ..

uofarkchick's picture

Personally, I think he pulled a nice passive aggressive move. He ask someone that he knew wouldn't want another baby around to say no for him. So when you bring up the subject he can say, "After my son's reaction? Hell no."

thinkthrice's picture

No doubt you've heard the old adage "There's more truth in jest. . ." Doubt your doofus DH was joking. He was once again giving the power over to the REAL head of the household and decision maker, SS.

Your DH needs a spine transplant IMO. And that thing about being easily upset and depressed? SURE FIRE sign of a kid who has been SPOILED and PLACATED his entire life--pitied due to being a poooooooorrrrr, piiiiiiiiitiiiiiful, COD.

P.S. I was the eldest/only child for six years and never ONCE did my parents ask me how I would feel about a sister. I would have told them "NO" of course had I been give the choice. LOL