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SS is so gross

New_to_this's picture

SS13 is so gross, but we can't do anything about it. All I can do is ignore it and be cordial to him. He's got so many issues. One, is that he thinks of the world as his toilet. If that sounds vaguely familiar, it's because I've mentioned it a while back in a post. He would pee anywhere in his mom's basement. Behind a couch, in the washer. It was because he was too lazy to walk up the stairs and use the actual bathroom. But, in my house, his bedroom, rec room, and bathroom are on the same level. So, our belief was that he would use the bathroom, since it's not that far. But he would do weird things like pee in the shower - not while he's showering though - he would just open the shower stall, pee in the shower rather than the toilet that were next to each other, and walk out of the bathroom.

Anyway, DH needed to replace the toilet in the basement, but since he was going to be taking up the toilet, we figured it would be a good time to replace the floor. We were hoping to get it all done while the skids were not with us, but like all home improvement projects, things go wrong and delays happen. So, SS was going to have to use the bathroom upstairs. DH straight out told SS this week not to pee anywhere else but in the toilet upstairs. SS acted like he was clueless at why DH was singling him out and telling him this. Problem is, I've been noticing that SS is not peeing upstairs, but when I mention it to DH, he sort of brushes away what I'm saying, so I drop it.

So this morning, SD found SS peeing in a drain hole in the furnace closet of the basement. DH was livid. I was livid, but silent, since I no longer deal with SS problems. DH yells at SS. SS does his usual, I'm going to kill myself speech.

SS tells us he is suicidal whenever he gets in trouble. So much so, that he went to a psychiatric ward for suicidal ideations. Like I said, he's got issues. I think he's faking, but I don't want to be wrong, I don't want to feel guilt or responsibility, and he has two parents to deal with it the way they want to. It's not my business. So, I don't say anything. I grit my teeth and tell him to have a nice day at school, when all I really want to do is yell at him for being so lazy and disrespectful. Ugh, I can't stand being around him and having to put up a show.


Acratopotes's picture

:jawdrop: so every time life gets tough SS screams suicide.... sorry but it's faking and manipulation. I would simply tell him on such an occasion... fine threatening me with this crap, here's a knife let's go outside I will supervise and make sure you are successful...

(my kid did this for about a month and i told him, here;s the pistol, go and do it outside I just cleaned the house.... gave him a loaded pistol and turned my back on him) He never did this again lol.....

then for SS peeing every where... he will get into adult diapers the moment he walks in the front door... or maybe DH should tell him, seeing you are not potty trained I will and then DH should start with the potty training, take him by his hand every 10minutes and lead him to the toilet...
then wait till he peed... Blum 3 and when he has friends over... do it as well, that should teach the little snot

New_to_this's picture

Hahaha. Yeah, I'd love to do things a little differently (not to the extent of giving a pistol, but not the lovingly handholding that is being done now), but he's not my kid. I think he is manipulating too, since he generally resorts to manipulation for everything. He's been this way since I've known him. But, he's DH's kid and DH is scared that he'll actually make an attempt, so I have to help DH deal with this.

I like the diaper idea though Smile

Acratopotes's picture

mmmm what about... calling in help when he does his little thread and simply pretend to be a caring SM.. play that card lol....
Dh will love you for it, and SS will know you figured out his manipulation games.....

call a pastor, reverent, support group, to come to the house lol and have a friendly talk with SS...

fairyo's picture

Sounds like he has serious issues- this not anywhere near normal behaviour- if I didn't know otherwise I'd think there might be some abuse going on here. If there isn't then I can't match Acrat's advice... except the gun thing- I wouldn't do that lol!

Acratopotes's picture

I only did it cause I knew the little snot was trying to manipulate me and playing boss of me... if i had any doubts that he might, I would not have done it.... but I know my kid ... and he thought he could get away with it...

he did all these funny things, age 8 school informed me he has to be tested for dyslexia, cause he kept changing his letters around.
i took him for tests, nothing wrong, asked him WTH.. he innocently replied... he figured out there must be an illness, cause if he did not study his spelling words he simply write the letters the wrong way and the teacher would mark it right any way cause something must be wrong.. thus he never had to study.... his punishment was not good lol and he never pulled that stunt again, he always had new ideas

New_to_this's picture

No abuse going on. SS has issues. He's been in individual and group therapy for years. He's got ADHD. He's also unbelievable lazy. We are at a loss as to how to figure him out to help him out. I know he does not exhibit normal behavior. I tend to try not to interact with him too much, but I'm cordial and will ask him how his day was, etc. DH I think is in denial a bit. But yeah, he's got a lot of issues.

fairyo's picture

If he's been in therapy for years then they should have given some strategies for dealing with this stuff. I wouldn't ask him how is day was- I'd say 'How's the bladder right now?' I think DH is not the only one in denial here, this is way past anything I would be happy with...

New_to_this's picture

This is way past anything that I would be happy with. I never thought that I would be the person to grin and bear it when a kid pees wherever in my house. I even recall saying to DH that if he peed in my house the way he pees at his mom's, he would no longer be in my house. But...he's still in my house.

So, I'm ranting...and maybe I'm a little depressed because I don't know how to handle these things anymore without leaving my relationship. DH keeps trying to get him help by taking him to therapy, adjust his meds, talk to him, etc. I just needed to rant about my f***ed up life. Yes, I'm in denial too.

fairyo's picture

I'm really sorry- I don't blame you for being depressed. Although I live in Fairyland my magic wand was taken from me many years ago. I had to learn to live on my wits and that's what I think you will have to do too. This web-site saved my sanity and probably my relationship (although the jury is still out on that one!)Take care of yourself and your child first. Keep us posted.

strugglingSM's picture

Your SS sounds troubled, not just for the threats of suicide, but for peeing wherever he feels like peeing. That is not normal behavior.

MurphysLaw's picture

SO's S23 p!sses in the basement sub-pump drain/ basin (his bedroom in the basement).
I wanna puke when I go downstairs to do a load of laundry.
Disgusting pig.

MoominMama's picture

Yuck. I thought it was bad enough when my SS was 8 and was peeing in the bathtub because he was too lazy to go downstairs to the wc. At first he denied it but we knew it was him, even dirty girl SD wouldnt have done that and as a girl its harder to do. He admitted it in the end after we threatened to put him in pull ups at night. Problem solved.

Your SS sounds like her really has something not right going on there. He needs a trip to the doctor and a referral to psych or something. Not at all normal.

secret's picture

Sounds like the older version of a kid I used to watch when I ran a daycare.

The kid was 4 or 5 at the time.... same age as my oldest... my middle one was potty training, my youngest wasn't even walking yet... and that bedroom always smelled like pee - I thought that maybe it was my youngest ones who'd peed the bed or something... I kept changing the sheets, even though they weren't wet... smell lingered...

one day I caught the kid kneeling in front of the dresser, pants down, winky out, full on peeing under the dresser... moved the dresser and there was a moldy pee stain.

The mom didn't believe anything I said. Shortly after, due to a few more incidents, mom was no longer welcome to leave her kids in my care.

DaizyDuke's picture

You need to treat him like the un-potty trained toddler he is acting like. Set a freaking alarm for every hour and when that alarm goes off, DH tells him to stop whatever he is doing and go to the bathroom. Since he's lazy AF, actually using the restroom like a "normal" person will seem much better in comparison than having to stop whatever he is doing and skulk off to the bathroom every hour.

But my guess is your DH is much like most of ours, and won't want to upset the poor widdle pissy poopsie pot and everything will remain status quo in your house. G.R.O.S.S.

DaniAM73's picture

Here I thought my being annoyed that SS15 peeing on the floor was irritating. I did say something to DH about it and have noticed it stopped. (Knock on wood) In my case I think SS15 was doing it on purpose.

I think your SS needs some serious therapy. I feel your frustration. You should make him wear Depends. Nasty boy!!!!

DaniAM73's picture

Honestly, because he knows I am the one who does the majority of the cleaning around here. At least that is what I came up with.

I asked DH did he pee on the floor. I knew he didn't but I had to do the process of elimination. If it kept happening I was going to make DH clean it up.

I mean who pees on the floor, on purpose?

New_to_this's picture

Just providing an update for my own reference. What I originally thought was SS telling DH he was suicidal was, in fact, SS manipulating SD. Since SD was the one who told on him, he sent her a text telling her that he was mad and he never going to talk or look at her again, he told her he was suicidal because DH yelled at him and that it was her fault and that he hoped she was happy. Basically, trying to make it so that she would never tell on him again by being pissed and feigning threats of suicide.

SD17 tried contacting him, but he wouldn't answer. She was a mess at school that day, periodically crying to teachers. Then she really thought about it and got angry about it by the afternoon. SS on the other hand, was acting fine after sending the text to his sister and talking to DH after DH found out about the text. SS even used the phrase "yupperdoodle" for yes in a subsequent text to DH. SD's response - normal. SS's response - WTF! It's not the sign of a suicidal person. It's the sign of a psychopath manipulator.

Both SS and SD weren't on speaking terms that whole day. Then that evening during dinner, SD poured her heart out. She told him how much she loved him, that she would die for him, and that she thought he should already know this, but if he didn't she was letting him know. But, she said, that she was so angry and hurt that he would send a text like that to her that she just couldn't talk to him for a while. But, she reiterated that she loved him but she was so distraught that she just couldn't talk to him.

SS in response put his hands on his face like he was about to cry but said, I was just trying to have a good dinner, stop talking to me. Very similar to when I caught him hitting the dog and I sent him to his room and his response to me was to destroy his room and tell me he hated me for ruining his day.

He is f**ked up on so many levels.

It's been a week and a half and SD still isn't up to talking to SS. SS seems completely indifferent to it.