I have been with my husband for 8 months. Since then I have gone out of my way to get to know his family. Traveling to different parts of the state and across the country. Each trip has consisted of them talking constantly about my husbands ex-wife and his son, who is two years old.
Within these 8 months I have been there for every one of them, listening and giving advice. I thought it was pretty rude for them to talk to me about her, and I was called her name countless times. I tried to ignore the frustration I felt, but seeing that my family NEVER ONCE brought up my exhusband in front of my husband made me realize how things Should be.
Now with their custody battle, and the exwife playing mind games with us all, and taking us for all we have, I am exhausted. I found out a month ago that I was pregnant and now am 9 weeks along.
Even when we called his family to tell them I was pregnant, all they asked was 'when are we seeing our grandson' (my husbands son) and then proceded to talk about his exwife. We got married, and still the only thing they want to talk about is the son and exwife. Mostly the exwife though and all the trouble she is causing.
I have been VERY supportive. Paid for our trips to see his family and his son. Bought his son clothes and toys. Set up a room at our new place entirely dedicated to him, with the hopes that one day he will be allowed to visit by his mom. It is not just about money, I took time and energy with this, and overlooked anything that I wanted and needed and really tried my best to help out and be a good soon to be stepmom at the time.
My new mother in law wrote me an email the other day saying that I probably feel differently now about wanting my husbands son around because I am pregnant with my own child. Then went on to tell me I should tell my husband if I do not want him here, and should be honest about it.
I thought I was infertile for a long time before I miraculously got pregnant. I was making plans to adopt next year. BUT I never was trying to have my stepson be like my own child just because I thought I would never have any of my own biological children. I have treated him like my own just because. It is just what I feel is right, and he is only two so he is young enough that he would never have to feel like an outsider. That is another thing that my mother-in-law wrote about was me making my stepson feel like an outsider because I am having my own child now.
I just could cry thinking about everything I have done, and with the best intentions. Not only for my step son but also for my husbands family. It hurts very bad not only for me or my little one inside me to not get the time of day, but for my actions to be overlooked. It is like I never even tried to be a step mom.
She wrote this email I think because I had told her how my husband and I would not be able to afford his son IF his ex wife gets what she is asking for from the court. We would be in the negative and also we have our baby to think about.
She wants child support to go up, 100% travel costs covered by my husband, her lawyer fees paid, and we owe his parents already for his lawyer. That is 25,000 for this year alone, not including everything we spent on his for things that have nothing to do with child support, lawyers, courts or plane rides.
I think I have every right to worry about money, and it does not mean I do not care about my stepson. We have it in black and white, his exwifes bank statements, showing where the child support money goes. Hair dressers, women's clothing stores, bars, restaurants and liquor stores. She has a very bad drinking problems, hence why we are seeking full custody. But she already has only allowed ONE visit within these eight months, so are we suppossed to pay for a child who we can not even see?! ( that one visit cost us $ 1500 in lawyer fees, because they had to 'negotiate the terms of the visit'.
On top of all this. His exwife is malicious and mean, and not to mention very selfish. She can do things I can no do. Go get her hair done, her nails etc... Thankfully I can do those things myself, but still our hard earned money going to her, and plus the court adding on more we need to send her, it is exhausting!
I receive emails from her, usually the same one sent about ten times, telling me to not harrass her! She has to listen to our conversations with my stepson on speaker phone, and hangs up the phone sometimes once I say hi, or if we tell him we will see him soon.
Then there are the conversations I have had with her. Her calling me swearing at me and going on and on about god knows what.

I am just exhausted. Absolutely exhausted. I have spent a ton of money on my stepson, trips to see my husbands family, and now with fixing my husbands credit because of the debts that his wife put him in. Now with a baby on the way, I know I need to balance things out. And things that I could give my stepson before I can not now. I need to think about the baby in my belly too. It is not selfish I think, but somehow I am made to be selfish now. It is just that we have a whole room set up for my stepson (who still has not seen it because his mom will not let him come) and no baby room. We have only two bedrooms so they will have to share. And I was telling his mom about having to change around the room to fit two, and somehow I am bad for this?!
I am trying my best to manage being a stepson to a child I have met once, being a new wife, and being pregnant for the first time. Not to mention I have newly divorced and in my own battle with my exhusband.
It has been a very long year and I would like to enjoy my pregnancy, but it seems like that only matters to me.

I am tired of hearing atleast one conversation a day with my husband on the phone talking to some family member about his ex wife and what she is doing. It is NOT new news to anyones. She has been doing this for as long as I have known him. It is not a surprise, and I am angry I have to hear about it constantly. Yes, it is terrible because it is not fair to my stepson. It does break my heart. But when is enough enough?!