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Some days are good, others are not so good

NewSM10's picture

Submitted by NewSM10 on Tue, 03/16/2010 - 6:22pm

I really feel that the life of a step mom is depressing. Some days I really have a hard time coping with things. FH and I wanted to start trying for a baby and we did, but are still not successful. I just don't understand, FH had a one night stand at age 17 and produced a child, now that he is almost 30 and wants a child with his future wife.....no luck! We suffered a miscarriage a year and a half ago, why is life so unfair! It makes it almost unbearable to deal with having a step child that I really do not want in my life. I really feel like an evil person and I'm really not. I wish he were never born so many times I have lost count. When are things going to get better? I am grateful that I haven't had to think much about SS9 in the last week. I still haven't heard anything back from his psycho mom about how she wanted to proceed with visitation from this point on. It shouldn't be a hard decision, she shouldn't care if she sees FH or not, it's all about the kid. I really don't know how to bring that issue up with her either. I'm waiting on her to say something, I have already made it clear that there will be no more hanging out (supervised visitation) now that her husband is gone. I really feel like I should get on meds. I get so depressed about things! I know life isn't fair but for us to try and try and never conceive a child and FH's biggest mistake is starring me in the face. It just isn't easy. I feel so much hate and resentment. What am I going to do with myself? I really really hate having this child and his ugly psycho mother in my life!!!!!!!!!! I want my own family with my soon to be husband!

Comments

stepmom2one's picture

Submitted by stepmom2one on Tue, 03/16/2010 - 6:51pm

Try not to stress to much. Stress can really hurt your chances of getting preggo.

Your SO needs to stand up and tell his ex that she either lets him see the child EOW at his house or he won't be able to see him anymore. She will say no at first but she will cave becuz how else is she going to have contact with your FH? right?

I think it is time for him to play hard ball. And you need to let him handle it all, the less you stress the better state you will be in for baby makin.

soverysad's picture

Submitted by soverysad on Tue, 03/16/2010 - 7:21pm

Right there with you NewSM. Read my blogs. HUGS

"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"

NaturallyMom's picture

Submitted by NaturallyMom on Tue, 03/16/2010 - 9:16pm

You are not alone!
Try to think about YOU and DH when you get like this. Try to realize that SS9 is just a kid who is stuck for the next 9 years so try to raise a positive contributor to society even if his mother is not.

Hang in there.
It will get better. It CAN get worse but don't let it.

"I may not agree with what you have to say, but I shall defend to the end your right to say it," - Voltaire

NewSM10's picture

Submitted by NewSM10 on Thu, 03/18/2010 - 5:18pm

Thanks for all the comments, it really does help. At least I know that I am not alone in all of this. It was definitely hard to cope with all of this when you have no one to talk to that can relate to your situation. I think FH will put his foot down if it came down to it. BM is not his ex just a one night stand and someone he would have like to have forgotten the morning after it happened. She on the other hand has obviously not gotten over the fact that he never liked her and doesn't want anything to do with her. She shouldn't make her child suffer for her stupidity. I hate to say it but she really had no business bringing the child into this world!!!! She is a stupid woman and has done nothing but make stupid decisions in life and now we have to suffer for it. Well, I know FH was also an idiot to get drunk and have a one night stand. I need to really stop rubbing his stupidity in his face all of the time. It isn't healthy for me to do that either.

I also agree that the stress doesn't help our chances to concieve. In a sense she is getting her way by us not having what we want. I just feel like I am the one suffering through all of this. I know he had a child when I got involved with him, it sucks b/c I love him and I want our life together to be great. His past and this child have caused so many aruguments that I can't even count. I get so angry!!!!!

I guess this little scare with her divorce should make me feel gratful when things are good. BM's husband has decided to take her back afterall and try and work things out. So things may get back to "normal" so to speak. Everything would be fine if she just let us have the kid with out her supervision. Oh, and if she would talk about how great her husband is verses her previous "FH and I are so much alike" statements from before. BM really needs to focus her energy on saving her marriage instead of her ill fated crush on FH.