Needing some advice
Okay, so maybe I am being a little harsh or over reacting, but, sometimes I feel like my SD is trying to drive a wedge between me and my spouse, its like my SD wants to bicker with me and wants to make me out to be the bad guy, over little things too! I really think its a phase because she hasn't been like this until the last few months. Maybe? I don't know. Help?
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Put her on ignore. When she
Put her on ignore. When she wants to bicker just walk away.
Ignoring
It's really hard to ignore her then it just pisses her off more which in turn can piss off my spouse
Still ignore
Let her be miserable by herself. Ignore her bickering. Your spouse needs to settle things with her, so walk away and let it be clear she is the problem.
What?
Your DH gets pissed off that you ignore the brat who is rude to you?? Ask him what would he prefer you to do, be rude and snarky back?. Your DH should be telling SD to knock it off, and SD must be respectful to you.
Phase maybe?
I'm wondering if this is a phase too, I've lashed back a few times, but it just stresses spouse out so i've avoided conflict as much as possible, she didnt do this up until the last few month, She's even told me "sometimes I just wish you would break up"
It hurts, but, she's still just a child and will have emotions sometimes, she wont like me ALL the time and i get that, but her rude comments about her parent not loving me or me not loving my spouse really gets to me, or she makes jokes saying I'm probably out banging other people. Joking, but it still hurts.
A parent should teach a "child"
to not be rude with hurtful comments. How old is this "child"? This "phase" as you call it, is not a phase. Its how she feels and unless your DH stops this now, this phase will last well beyond childhood and adulthood. Your DH should be rightfully pissed that his child is hurtful and disrespectful to his wife and him.
Your DH is a coward if he doesnt deal with it. It sounds like he takes her lousy behavior out on you. You are the scapegoat. Its far easier for him to not deal with it and expect you to do the same. Imagine the false sense of power and entitlement this SD has. It will get way worse. If he doesnt deal with it, you should wipe the floor with her (figuratively). Let DH get mad, who cares. If anyone should be upset its you!
Out banging other people....if she says that she certainly is not that young. Your DH lets her speak that way? More importantly, you should not let her speak that way. That is insulting to attack your character that way. Good old fashioned soap in her mouth comes to mind.
I didn't mean to step on you.
I didn't mean to step on you. I was typing as you posted so didn't see yours. Looks like we are on same wave length.
Phase h*ll.
Great minds think alike
Fools seldom differ. Lets go with the former. LOL Yea we posted at the same time
"she makes jokes saying I'm
"she makes jokes saying I'm probably out banging other people. Joking, but it still hurts."
This is passive-aggressive behavior, not comedy.
How old is this loud mouthed
How old is this loud mouthed snot?
If she is old enough to be accusing you of banging around, she is old enough to not be in a "phase" of ill manners and disrespect.
Also, how much difference in age is their between your household? Are you closer to Dad's age or closer to SD's age or somewhere happily inbetween? Merely asking because sometimes teen girls have issues with seeing their father's now selection as 'serious' if ages are close.
Regardless of any of what I have stated, bottom line is , Dad needs to shut his daughter down. That's his job. How to behave, manners, respect, it's all a part of his parenting duties. If he doesn't want to listen to bickering , he best stand up and let his daughter know her behavior is unacceptable. You shouldn't feel you have to sit there and take lip off some minor child and you shouldn't feel you have to back down because Princess just gets angrier when you don't..
well...
I'm 29, he's 31, shes 9 almost 10. He's said things to her in private and a few times in front of me but i don't think he understands how hard it is to keep my mouth shut. I finally lashed back in a playful manner last night and she has clawed my boobs while we were playing the other night, they are healing but pretty scraped up, and i showed her, and she said "nobody wants to see your boos" I came back with "your dad does!" hahaha but we joke around alot like that, me and her father, and shes very NOT sheltered. We usually have a great time, baking, swimming, coloring etc, and we will even play games on our phones together. But what I don't get, she will intercept my calls and texts while I'm at work to her dad. I have anxiety PTSD depression and I'm bipolar, so sometimes my anxiety spikes and i look for comfort from her dad and she will intercept that and read his texts and clear out the notification and I wont ever hear back until i get home, sometimes he doesnt even know i texted, and when I call, she well either answer and say hes busy or will etxt me from her phone and say hes busy or hes sleeping or just call me.....I love them both with all my heart and no worries I'm never going anywhere unless he chooses that I do, but I want to understand this behavior and why all the sudden its happening. She hasnt seen her mom in weeks, maybe that has something to do with it, idk
A nine year old is clawing
A nine year old is clawing your breasts and you laughed it off?!
Hun, you need some serious help on establishing boundaries with this little she-devil. What are you going to do when she literally starts stabbing you in the back? "Oh, ha ha ha you little backstabber." "My punctured lung is collapsed but the other side is just fine!"
Please see a counselor on your own stat!
This SD is 9. WT!!!!!!! What
This SD is 9. WT!!!!!!! What 9 year old talks about banging someone. No way a nine year old should be talking that way. This is some messed up behavior on her part and some lack of parenting on Dad's part. SMDH
Still learning.....
I dont think you got the jest of that, we were wrestling around and she clawed me, its not like she did it out of anger etc.
If you truly believe that
If you truly believe that clawing you was an accident and she's "just joking" then you're the perfect doormat and in for a literal world of hurt.
queensway
We do not shelter her at all, so she does hear some phrases yes. I'm not going to tell her she can't say something if she knows what it means. She is the smartest most mature 9yr old ive ever met, and i don't want to hide or lie to her about anything, she asks questions, we are honest, to an extent of course. We aren't going to go into details about what sex is etc of course, but its nothing for her to watch literally any movie with us within reason and if she sees something in the movie or hears something and asks what it is or what it means, we will be honest, so her knowing what "banging" means is due to us not sheltering her. You'd understand if you met her. but thats not what this post is about, this post is about advice on how to deal with her emotional moments, and disrespecting me.
UMMMMMMM, sorry a nine year
UMMMMMMM, sorry a nine year old talking about banging someone is disrespectful. But you don't think so. Seems like you are doing just fine with your own advice. I wish you luck.
Oh my
Spot on response that made me chuckle
still learning
shit happens when you wrestle around, its not like she MEANT to hurt me.
You say you're desperate,
You say you're desperate, needing help, sd is driving a wedge..er claws, making mean *jokes,* yet you are defending all of her behaviors. You're fighting for the right to be abused by a child. Sounds like the mantra of a battered woman, "but he didn't really mean it," "you don't know him like I do," and the excuses go on...
I hope you get help because this is an unhealthy relationship for you and very young sd.
If you've granted this child
If you've granted this child adult status by play fighting with her and allowing her to talk like a sailor, then you shouldnt be surprised when she bickers and tries to drive a wedge between you and your SO. She may see her place as equal with you.
It doesnt matter how clever a child is, they need and want boundaries, structure and rules (including basic ones like Treat All Adults With Respect). They deserve to be sheltered, need to understand where they fit in, and to learn that there's a pecking order in the real world. Kids who enjoy adult status at home can struggle socially, because they dont get on well with their peers, and I have to say I would not want my kids exposed to a child who speaks that way. It really sounds as if this little girl needs to be reined in a bit.
I have a friend who raised her only child this way. He was allowed to hang around adults, adding his two cents to grownup convos. As a proud mom, my friend thought her son highly intelligent and found his inappropriate comments amusing. The rest of our circle found him to be an annoying pita. He's twenty now. Cant keep a job or get a girlfriend, because he's still an annoying pita.
Dont misunderstand
She's reprimanded for talking like that. She doesnt get away with it. That's not my point or my problem. I'm trying to figure out how to address nagging or how to make sure she continues to understand how to behave with me when its just me and her and her father isnt around
You become a broken record
You become a broken record when its just you and her. It might take awhile because she WILL test you to make sure you are meaning what you say. Consistency across the board would be best. My OSD was a spaz at all times. She tried to be silly during church, when we passed the Peace. You're suppose to shake hands with many and say Peace be with you. She came to me and was trying to do some stupid hand thing and I called her on it right then and there. There's a time and place to be silly, this aint it. She was pissed the rest of the night but didn't give a crap.
If you want a rule, you enforce it. Simple as that.
Does she act her age tho?
Unfortunately, it might very well be likely that this behavior is the natural consequence of being allowed such an 'unsheltered' environment. If she feels she is treated more like an adult then this may be her attempt to act accordingly.
If she is as mature as you say, then she should be able to respond to a frank discussion about her behaviour, realize how hurtful it is and modify her behavior. If that's not the case, then you're doing her a disservice treating her as if she's so much more mature than her years. So...is she acting more mature than her age or is she ACTUALLY more mature? Maybe figure that out first then let that be a guide to how to deal with her behavior. i.e. if she can't respond to criticism and solve problems like an adult, then she shouldn't be treated like one.
I love them both with all my
I love them both with all my heart and no worries I'm never going anywhere unless he chooses that I do
I'm still struggling with this statement, never mind your dealings with this child who you seem to think is grown up at the age of 10.
I've already said
we have a very healthy relationship, things havent been strained at all except for the last month, but its not ALWAYS like this. I'm new to this step mom thing still, even tho its been 3 years, some things are still new and will continue to be new as she ages. I didn't say "If he doesnt something or she does something totally F***** up I still won't leave." Jesus, think I'm a f****** idiot? No. I'm not leaving a stable, happy, life because of a moody few weeks. UNLESS something is done that just isn't okay and ruins our relationship. I'm not sticking around NO MATTER WHAT. Sounds like you are trying to make me seem that way. I'm just looking for advice from OTHER STEP MOMS.