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Instead of step (for noncustodial stepparents)

pixielady's picture

I had a (maybe silly) thought. Since using "step" originally came about when a bio parent remarried after a spouse died, I don't think it makes sense to use stepmom or stepdaughter, etc. when you aren't replacing or mimicking a child/parent relationship, as in the case for noncustodial stepparents who see their skids less than 50% of the time.

Why not use "in-law" the way you do with your DH or DW's family? Why not call your skid your child-in-law? Silly maybe? I don't know! I feel like my skid is more a legal relationship because I married his father than a parental relationship. One that would end if DH and I divorced. I married my DH to be his wife, not to be skid's stepparent. Thoughts?

Major Blunder's picture

Oh, I like that, wonder if it's to late to start using it???????????????  You are very clever !!!!!!

oortcloud's picture

What would a kid call their step-parent? Mother-in-law or father-in-law could be confusing for a stepchild of marriageable. Parent-in-law, maybe?

Aniki-Moderator's picture

I dislike the term "step PARENT". In NO way am I parenting my husband's kids/skids. HE is a step parent because he stepped in and parented two children whose fathers are MIA.

I USED to be a step parent because I was the only parent to my former skids (mother abandoned them and father basically checked out and left the parenting to me).

I am perfectly okay with being "DH's Wife" and the skids are "DH's kids". There is no way in he!! I want ANYONE to think that I am in any way responsible for the disasters of SD25, SD22, and PigPen. SS19, now that he has escaped the 'Ho House, has actually turned into a nice young man.

pixielady's picture

I have a major issue with the new spouse automatically being cast in the stepmom or stepdad role. Some may happily do so, but not all. I think most marry their spouse's to be DH's wife or DW's husband, not skidiot's second mom or dad. Bonus mom is cringe-inducing for me. Blech.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

I agree. To me, a stepparent is one who actually stepped into a parental role. IMO.

Bonus mom. Ish. In your delicate condition, you don't need anything making you sick!!

icanteven's picture

I dislike Bonus Mom, too! Bonus Kid also is bad to me. My husband's son is not a bonus to me unless we also think a bag of manure is a bonus. OK, I like bags of manure better than I like his son because I can use them in my garden. I have no use for that kid!

lorlors's picture

’Bonus Mom’ is hideous. I wouldn’t want anyone to think I was responsible in any way for my step-cretins.

hereiam's picture

I use SD on here for simplicity, but in real life, I refer to her as DH's daughter because that's what she is. 

hereiam's picture

Actually, no, nobody has ever corrected me (I had never really thought about that before). They might have thought it but nobody's ever said anything.


fairyo's picture

I didn't even think I was a step-mum until I realised that my skids didn't see me as a human being and I realised my DH only saw me as a buffer between him and his kids.

I quite like the word buffer and I think it expresses the role more clearly in a lot of situations I've come across- so buffer-mum and buffer-dad would satisfy it for me!

Fall girl/guy might be another one- I'm sure there's many more!

Major Blunder's picture

Oh gawd I hate to ask this but you would be a MotherBuffer, would I be a FatherBuffer?????  That doesn't sound good at all lol

Major Blunder's picture

That as a wonderful mass Father Buffer.

Father Buffer we are worried about the amount of time you are spending with the Alter Boys  ROFL

Aniki-Moderator's picture


notasm3's picture

I use the term SS here for shorthand as I don't want to have to type out "my husband's son".

But he is NOT my stepson.  And like my name "notasm3" I am NOT a stepmother to that POS.

As far as I am concerned he's just dead to me.

elkclan's picture

Maybe not "in-law" because that's used for something else - but I sort of wish there were another term for me other than "Dad's girlfriend" - I don't know how his kids refer to me when I'm not around. I asked my BS how he viewed SS's and he was like "Well a friend or sort of like a cousin..." 

We're not married yet. I'll be fine being called a step mother after we're married. I definitely think of them as my stepsons. I think of all of them as "our boys". 

pixielady's picture

That’s great and that should be your choice. If someone wants to be a stepparent, then more power to them. I just hate it when society, inlaws, even spouses automatically think you’re now a second parent when most cods have two involved, loving parents already.

MidwestMrs's picture

SS15 calls me 'mom' and I'm okay with that. BM2 pops up her crazy head every blue moon or so. She is only allowed supervise visits but never does.

SS30 is a big assh0le. I don't want anything to do with that creeper!!!!!  He doesn't even call DH 'dad' - he calls him by his first name!!!! Probably calls me 'b!tch'....... And i'm okay with that!!!!!