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I am going to LOOOOSE IT!!!

nana09's picture

So I have posted in a previous blog about how I am done enforcing ANYTHING to my stepkids because they like to paint me as this evil person. The outcome would be that my Husband would start saying his kids didnt want to come home in his time anymore and make it seem because I was the one not treating them well. ALL because I would try to enforce rules and decipline, morals and values. I enforce all this with my own children. I also have posted how his little 7 yr old brat of a daughter always tries to get her way,has lied on me a few times and so on. 

Well last night before bed time he tells them they had to clean their room today and study. Im a stay at home so they stay at home with me during summer time on his time while he works. He comes out of work at 3 so at 2 he texts me asking me if the kids had cleaned up and study. By 2 he expected them to be done but of couuurseee, me being nice (even though the bumerang comes back and hits me right in the face as always) had told them that as long as they got their things done before dad gets home they could play all they want. When it was cleaning time I hear my step daughter crying. (If this little brat can cry her way out of everything, she would) I heard her crying for a while until I approach her and her brotherand ask why was she crying. Brother tells me she is crying because she didnt want to clean up (as always). I told her "didnt your dad just scowled at you yesterday for crying for no reason? no one is yelling at you or being mean to you. all you have to do is clean your room and study, other wise im going to have to call your dad and let him know.". She goes on crying for TEEEENNNNN MINUTES! I text my husband and let him know whats going on, expecting he would not give in on her crying and what does he do....baby talk to her"Oh whats wrong my baby? why are you crying? its ok, you dont need to cry. You just have to help me out a little".And she goes and and says "its because she made me cry. she said she was going to tell you and that you where going to be real mad at me". I cant! I became so angry and frustrated because i cant tell them anything cuz im the bad guy, and i cant tell dad whats going on so he can enforce shit cuz im still the bad guy. i immediatly jumpned in the call and told her " thats not true, you where already crying and what i said was i was going to tell your dad but never said he was going to be real mad at you." will dad be upset i made that move? yeap! was i wrong for reacting that way? i really dont care anymore but i just cannot with her. And than he wonders why i havent tried building a relationship with her anymore.  Because i try and i just cant anymore with this type of behaviour from her and he doesnt seem to do much about it. 

Comments

ESMOD's picture

I know you are at home with them.. but they are old enough to get on the phone when he calls to check on their progress.

At 2p when he called, I would have had her get on the phone.. "daddy wants to talk to you"  "sweetums.. did you clean your room and study" "no daddy"  "will you do it before I get home?" "yes daddy".. period.

She is being a brat.. let her be a brat to her dad.

nana09's picture

Oh believe me, when he gets home im letting him know that from now on he will be checking in with them and not with me. Anything he needs to have them do or check on their progress he can call them. 

bearcub25's picture

ESMOD is correct, let him talk to them.

Time for you to have THE TALK with him.  Either he backs you up or find another baby sitter in the summer.  That behavior will never change.

 

Cover1W's picture

Agree with those above.  If you have no authority, and "authority" isn't being followed up on and cross-examined by their father, then you do not have responsibility.  No babysitter or nanny I know of would put up with him either!

And by you saying "...but she said this or did that and that's not true, she's the liar, etc., etc." will put you at the kids level, not an adult.  You will no longer be reporting. He calls them directly (who has time at work to follow up like this anyway?) and you do no interpretation.  Start recording your interactions.  Step away from anything that would be parenting. This will not end well otherwise.

24 years as a SM's picture

You need to have hidden nanny cameras with audio, and don't tell anyone about them. When your DH starts siding with your SD, text him the recording.

nana09's picture

I kinda had a mini melt down, but i somewhat feel relief. He came home and straight into our room where I was at while all the kids where in their own room. He saw in my face my frustration and dissapointment. He asked me what was wrong and i weeeent oooofffff! I told him I was tired of her continuously being that way. Im tired of her always getting her way, tired of her crying over everything, tired of her always being treated like a baby and like she is always innocent when she isnt. That I cannot tell her anything whether its good or bad because she either twists the story, lies on me or just straight up makes me look like i treat her so bad. That i know deep down inside of him he wants to believe her and when she doesnt want to come back with us from her moms he wants to make it seem like its my fault because i dont like her, i make her feel unwelcomed or because i treat her bad. That i treat her and her brother the same and why is it that i dont have any issues with him but with her i do?! I told him that for my sanity and mental health before i go crazy he needs to straighten her out or i dont want anything to do with her. What does he do? he calls both kids in our room and pretty much told them that they need to listen to me when he isnt home. i just pray that he stands his ground and allows me the authority he let them know i have. 

Harry's picture

O

Bex_S's picture

My brat skid has lied about me so many times I refuse to be alone with her now. She's even got me in trouble with the police with her lies. I got so tired of her manipulative bullshit, so now she only comes over if her father is here. She's not my kid so why should I have to look after her? Especially when that involves dragging my baby on the 50 mile round trip to go and get her, just for her to accuse me of abuse. Fuck that. He can look after his spawn.

nana09's picture

I really dont want it to reach to the point she can only come when dad is here because i know how much he loves his kids and want them here on his time, but im probably going to have that happen too if her behavior continues. I am affraid that it will only get worse. I already expressed this concern to him.

simifan's picture

What punishment did SD  get for lying  and trying to manipulate the situation? I would refuse to be left alone with a child that lies on me. She needs care or to go to work with DH. 

nana09's picture

Punishment? oh these kids get no punishment besides having a sit down with dad and maybe at most a "now go clean your room" or "now go clean the play room". I have told him that cleaning their room or play room isnt a form of punishment because thats something they already have to do. The 3-4 times they have been punished in the 5 years I have been in their life  is because i have had to step up to dad and demand he does something about showing them there is consequences to their bad actions. 

Siemprematahari's picture

I became so angry and frustrated because i cant tell them anything cuz im the bad guy

Why doesn't your H get alterative care while he's at work? I think this would solve a lot of your problems and ease some of your frustrations. Your H is not consistent and the fact that he baby talks to his daughter and not giving consequences for bad behavior is just setting you up for more stress. I hope he backs you up this time but if he doesn't he should look for someone else to stay with his kids while he works.