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Well, looks like that's not going to work after all.

myspoonistoobig's picture

Apparently the household Ipad is broke. So there will be no skyping with BM for awhile. And I'm not going to make a 5 year old try and talk on the phone for 15 minutes. Talk about trying to nail jello to a tree.

Why this woman doesn't just download the skype app on her smartphone? I don't know. I know she has one, because she responds to e-mails via smartphone.

I told her last week that we enrolled SS in daycamp for a week or two. I like my daycare lady, but there aren't any kids his age at her home.

She went on a tangent and talked about how she hopes she can handle his absense and how hard it is... blah blah blah. I empathize with her distress, but it's a little annoying how clearly she doesn't see DH as someone deserving of anything close to 50/50 with her son.

So I told her how DH handles it after SS leaves, when he walks around the house for a few days like a ghost; like he expects SS to just run out from behind a corner and yell "Just kidding Daddy I'm here!."

Her response?

"Well we'll all get used to it I'm sure."

That's right BM. I'm not going to participate in your internal campaign to dehumanize your ex. You can keep telling everyone who will listen how much of a deadbeat he is, but we'll continue to pay child support that WE filed for and every summer you can be reminded for at least 8 weeks just how much of a deadbeat he's NOT.

I'm going to make her a 'visitation survival pack' complete with romance novels, candles, a few of my favorite oils and some fancy soaps and lotion type stuff.

I also made sure to mention that I wouldn't 'forget that she's there' and that I would send her all the photos I take and share all the funny stories that can be used as teenage blackmail material later.

Go ahead BM, keep pretending that you don't have to deal with how your family has changed. I'll still be here, whether or not you figure it out.


myspoonistoobig's picture

Well, as much as I'd like to say that, I have no real way of knowing how I'd be as a BM. I mean sure, there are some things I'm positive I wouldn't do, but at the same time some of those boundaries I am familiar with because I AM a SM now, you know?

I'm way more annoyed by her dismissive attitude about DH's rights as a PARENT than whether or not she gives a rat's ass about me Smile

It's frustrating because, I feel like saying "You CHOSE to have a baby with this guy. You got pregnant, kept the baby, begged to get married, and then when the nuclear family didn't spring you hoped he'd just walk away and let you martyr yourself on the cross of single motherhood. He didn't. Time to start acting like a parent instead of a victim."

myspoonistoobig's picture

What does this have to do with anything above?

My DH is an excellent Dad, far more involved with our own children than I am. HE is the one who stayed up to feed them at night so I could sleep. HE is the one who changed the poopy diapers before he started working. HE is the one who took care of his son BY HIMSELF for two of his ex-wife's deployments.

We met one of the new parent support counselors shortly after the birth of my first. It happened to be the same woman that had met with he and his ex-wife when she got pregnant, before they were married. She was SHOCKED that he hadn't gotten full custody, and looked positively wary about the fact that he'd let her keep his son because he didn't want to take his son away from his mother.

BM doesn't want to give DH his rights because she's a controlling basket case, who marries quickly over and over again and then when she finds out she can't control someone she barely knows, she makes it her mission to make them feel worthless because they don't live up to her ever-changing and bizarre expectations.

BM doesn't want to give DH his rights because her own birth dad wasn't a part of her life and now she projects her matriarchy daddy issues on EVERY MAN SHE MEETS, as well as many that she hasn't met. She wants to be a wife as long as she can tell her husband what he should do, when he should quit, who he is allowed to talk to, who to pray to, and when dinner should be ready.

BM doesn't want to give DH his rights because she's convinced herself that she didn't need her own BD, so neither should her SS. And now that she's remarried... again... she wants Alex's SD to be the center of his world, just like her bumbling alcoholic SD is the center of his.

And even if NONE of that were the case, I have SEEN the kind of father my DH is. His only failing in the parenting department, is trusting that woman.

myspoonistoobig's picture

Sorry, I didn't understand your angle. Sorry for getting all up in your grill Smile

Biomomof2's picture

Do we share a biodad??? Well, wait. My ex is a shitty person all together. He hides it for awhile. But than everyone sees it.
But you described his parenting minus the anger, verbal and emotional abuse. I swear sometimes I have 2 sons. The boy that comes back from dads and my son. Here he picks completely different toys, clothes, hair... Everything. At dads he tries so hard to be a mini me.