Can’t Do This Anymore
It's to a point where I no longer feel like I can just… be me. I (34f) have been with my SO (30m) for 2.5 years, he has a son (11). I have no children but am currently pregnant.
The fights about his son have been happening the entire relationship and I’m at a point where all I want is peace in my life. For me, the problem is his expectations. For him, it is that I have no interest in his child. This is true - I’m not interested or enthusiastic about the child but I am kind and respectful when he visits. I have never in any way, shape, or form done wrong to his child. I have cleaned up after him, done laundry, bought gifts for holidays and birthdays - not good enough. Mind you, the child has a great mother who has him majority of the time.
The fight we can’t seem to get past happened about a month ago. My SO had SS over for a weekend (first time in weeks), and wanted to take an optional work call, leaving SS alone with me. I said no, that he had to fulfill his obligation to his child and stay home. He chose to drop the child off at a relative’s instead, and then told said relative that I wouldn’t watch the child - now I am the evil stepmother in his family’s eyes.
Newest fight that just happened, SO springs on me with one week’s notice that he wants to throw a birthday party for SS at our house. This of course comes with the assumption that I would pretty much be in charge of the party, ya know, because I’m the woman. Well, I’m 11 weeks pregnant and have felt sick all day every day since 6 weeks, and have absolutely no energy to do anything besides get through the work day. As a result, I do not feel the house is in a state of cleanliness to have guests. I also do not want to cook, or decorate, or anything to that effect. So I said to SO “fine, but it’s all on you”. Now I’m the evil stepmother once again, because I don’t want to host the party. Then he said I better not even THINK of throwing a party for the future baby because I couldn’t bother to do it for SS. He also threw in that I will be a terrible mother.
He is now saying that he failed his son by being with me. Certainly a statement of this magnitude would signify that I am in some way cruel to the SK, right? Not the case, ever. I just keep my distance, I do not want to be a parental figure.
He is also saying it feels awkward when SS visits because of me. Because I “don’t interact”. When really, all I am doing is whatever I would be doing were SS not there. My weekends are my time of solace and relaxation, I work all week. I have every right to sleep in or just sit on the couch doing nothing or whatever the hell I want to be doing honestly. Now I have to feel that there is an expectation looming over me that I should be doing something that I’m not doing, and I don’t even really know what it is. SS is there to spend time with his father, not me.
I don’t think my SO will ever accept my boundaries and I will not live up to his expectations. I will continue to be me. I just want to be me.