I Want Nothing To Do With His Kids
I’m in a relationship with a guy who has been divorced for 6 years and has 50% custody of his 2 sons. We’ve been seeing each other for 9 months now and he’s hinting at marriage. Even though he suggested I do, I have no interest in meeting his children. I have been putting this off for a good 2-3 months. I will never accept being a step parent. I don't want them to call me mom or even think of me as anything close to it. Outside of just being cordial and giving them food and a warm bed whenever they’re in my home, I have no intention of ever being involved in his children’s lives. They have a mother and I really don’t see the need for me to volunteer to be anything extra. I will not go to their birthday parties, graduations, weddings… no thanks. I will not take them to extracurricular activities or pick them up from school. I will also not be involved in their discipline. Their parents need to work all of those matters out by themselves, which they seemingly already do.
I don’t understand why step parenting has to be forced upon someone, especially if the children still have both biological parents. I have been transparent with him about how I feel and he’s convinced that all I have to do is meet them and I’ll feel differently enough to want to have a relationship with them. I don’t think so. People keep telling me that my boyfriend is a package deal but I’m a package deal too… a much lighter package. It’s not as if I don’t want him to spend time with his children because that’s fine – I just don’t want to participate. I know that he has kids and he knows that I don’t. So why can’t he accept me for who I am in the same way that I’m expected to accept him?