I DO want a child with my DH but I already have a soon 2 be 16 year old daughter, and 8 yr. old son and then the 4.5 yr. old SS- At this point, I don't think we can swing it- I don't think I'm ready at this point either, everything is so new, the marriage the SS, the blended fam. If it happened though- I would probably have an anxiety attack!!!

I would not have any more kds if I could not afford to support them. I would not want my children to suffer because of my decisions. I just put put 1 sks through 8 years of college, including graduate school and another 5 years of college so people need to think about all the cost invovled.

i dont think u and DH should give up on something u both really want, ie another child, bc of the skid(s). thats just not fair. to me, if u want it, u will find a way to make it work. i totally understand about the financial aspect, bc BM takes a hefty sum out of my DHs paycheck and i think about all the stuff our baby wont be able to have bc of it. but we will find a way to make it work...bc we are not giving up on something we really want bc of his past.

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

that if you have a child the court would have to take that into account when paying bm cs.I think that is how it works.

from what i understand, its a very minimal amount.

bc u cant have more kids to get out of ur obligation to ur "first family" according to the courts.

sad, isnt it?

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

We are trying for our "first" child together now. I want 2 of my own though. We have 2 skids 9 & 6...and my child will be an only child in a lot of aspects. I don't want an only child. I have also always wanted 2.

BM gets a chunk of money from us...so we are paying for her household, as well as everything the kids need on a day to day basis here. Its so frustrating becuase you know darned well that if the kids were just with you, that check would never be written because its not needed! I actually figured up what it would cost us extra each month to have the kids every day... guess what... its about 150 more tops. GGRRR.

Anyway, what do you do? I am a firm beleiver in making sure you can support your kids before you have more. But really...you make it work! I can't see giving up your dreams for a BM...cause thats what you would be doing.

if you can't afford it, you can't afford it.

I have 2 bio children and DH has three, and together makes 5. I chose to marry a man with 3 kids, therefore nixing the idea of more children for me.

I mourn ever having a child with DH, but I knew that when I married him and we were both very clear that more children was out of the question.

I also disagree with lowering child support when one party has another child. It goes both ways. Should we pay MORE if BM decided to have MORE children?

"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley

think that it depends on the situation too.. like in my case, I have no biokids...so not having a child because DH has 2 already is, well, just not an option. But I knew when I met him and decided to marry him that 2 may be difficult if we could even do it at all. Not sure I want to put 4 kids through college, cause lord knows it will be all on us.

It's just another way that us and our children and future children get screwed so the BM and precious skids get their exorbitant amount of CS - makes me sick!!

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin

I think it depends on what you mean when you say you can't afford another child. Do you mean that you'll have to make some real sacrifices and change your lifestyle a bit if you have another child, or do you mean that you will be struggling to put food on the table?? I don't think money = a happy family, but you definitely don't want to put yourselves into a difficult situation. That wouldn't be good for you or your kids.

If you really want another one, usually you can make cutbacks in other areas of life to afford it. But if there's already struggling going on, I'd say wait until your financial situation improves or find a way to improve it in order to make it happen.

"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"

I've always wanted a huge family, and just because I married a man who already has a child shouldn't mean that I have to give up on having as many children as I want. It's a little easier for me though because DH only has one child with BM. The both of us can afford to have more than one child together, but there will, of course, be sacrifices that need to be made. Also, I don't agree on cutting short on CS. Even though my BM is super bitch, it is a little unfair.

Once I wanted a large family but now even if the option were available there is absolutely no way I would even consider having a baby with H. We went through a pregnancy scare several years ago and all I heard was how hard a baby would be on him and sd. Not one mention on the effects it would have on me or my kids. I had just turned 40 at that time and let's be honest that's not a good age to have a child.

And we talked about it to death before I actually got pregnant. It has not always been easy, but we have made it work. My DH started out paying a very high amount in CS, and giving BM "extras" before we met. He was aware that he was over paying, and got a lawyer to lower it to the amount to what he should be paying. BM of course went nuts, and fought it every step, and it took a while to get it done, but in the end it was lowered, quite a bit in fact, as he was over paying so much. I got pregnant during this time, and CSE also brought it down 5% more, because of our son being born. The skids are still very well supported by DH, and BM was forced to get a job and stop living off the support, so now she earns a decent paycheck, but I know she hates working. Moving back up here was a good decision as well. Being close to family helps with our son. Like my sister gives me clothes for him after her son, who is only a year and 1/2 older than my son, grows out of them. The clothes are great, and saves us alot of $$. She also passes down toys. Our son gets alot of things he needs from both sides of the family, plus what we can buy for him, he does really well. We can't get everything we wish, but his needs are always met. We have had to make adjustments in our budget,( but these days, who doesent) but we keep things simple for right now. The skids are older, and in 3 years CS will be stopping, and then we can loosen up some more, so to speak. It's never easy in this situation, but some times it can be done. Of course this will be the last child I/we have, as it would not be possible to afford any more, nor would I want to "take away" from our other kids. ~ Leave out all the rest~

until you can afford it you will never have kids. I couldn't afford my son, my daughter, or his two daughters! But somehow we make it work. We always wonder how, but it ends up okay.

I know if I wanted to have another child now it would be really difficult. But I have enough to not want anymore right now to!

It's everyone's own decision I think...you have to do what you think is right.

******Mountain Dew and Beer is what makes me a better step mom. *******