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She's created an entitled, self involved monster

morethanibargainedfor's picture

So last week I posted that SD13 threw a fit on Thursday night, saying she didn't want to come to our house on the weekend blah blah blah
SO basically told her too bad, shes coming. We got down to the main reason she didn't want to come, which was because she knew she wouldn't be able to see her boyfriend over the weekend.
I tried to compromise with her saying she could ask her dad if the bf could come over for dinner or something, but that she wouldn't be allowed to go out with him alone. SO doesn't want her dating at all until shes 16. He's very old school.
Anyways then her story changed and she wanted to go to Church with her mom on Sunday morning. BM said if we dont let her go to church on Sunday than shes not coming to our house. So I told her she could go and then come back to our house after church. Well that wasn't good enough either and she freaked out again. We were talking at about 4:15 on Friday and she had calmed down a bit. She was worried SO was going to be mad at her for saying she didn't want to come. Then the water works started again. "I've been crying all day, you guys just don't understand, no one understands me, my life is so hard" blah blah blah. So I told her she needs to get ahold of herself. Its already been decided that shes coming so there is no reason to keep getting herself upset. This was all in text, and I didn't get another text from her after that.
I texted her at 4:40 to tell her I was on my way to get her and no answer. I show up at the house and her key is in the front door. I answer. I ring the answer. I opened the door and stuck my head in and called her answer...I call answer. Yeah shes not there. I call SO and he tells me to check her bedroom. I check every room in the house and shes not there. I call BM and no answer. I called and texted SD and BM like 5 more times and no answer. So I drive around the neighborhood looking for her and cant find her and her phone is off. Finally I hear from BM and her text says "she took off because she doesn't want to go to your house. Just leave her alone for tonight". Are you kidding me??? You just let your kid "take off"????? What the fuck is wrong with this woman!

After many texts back and forth with BM, SO freaks out and says thats it. He's done. She doesn't want to come then find don't come. He is so disgusted with both of them. BM totally made it ok for SD to take off. BM's parents were the ones who picked her up!

BM even had the nerve to say that shes not going to make her come if she doesn't want to, and that she was taking her to see her boyfriend on Sunday after church.
This woman is insane and SD is completely effed up because of her. I just cant take this drama anymore.
BM just set a HUGE precedent for SD and now shes going to think she can just run away anytime she doesn't want to do something. Great parenting BM. Just fuckin great!
Oh and neither of them called over the weekend to explain or talk to us about it. And SD didn't even call to apologize for taking off. And BM says its up to US to call HER to talk to her about what happened! We tried calling SD several times but she had turned her phone off.

I just feel so bad for this kid. Her mother is so effed up and shes going to end up just like her. A little mini-me. Im so frustrated I don't even know what to do with myself. I've washed my hands of the whole thing. BM texted me this morning and I told her to not text me again. I'm not getting involved and not dealing with any of this shit until we go see the counselor in 2 weeks. She is impossible and thinks everything we do is wrong and everything she does is right. Her and SO are both to blame because they cant no-parent. They are both too stubborn and both want to prove they are right to the other! F. M. L!


Mercury's picture

This exact thing is going on with my dh and his brat12 right now. I feel for you. BM not only enabled her to do it but is actively encouraging it. I have washed my hands of it to the point of telling DH, fine, she isn't ALLOWED back in my home unless she has a complete attitude adjustment and apologises to dh and me for the shitty things she said to manipulate bm into coddling her and catering to her every whim. She is such a negative presence in our otherwise peaceful home. I say good riddance. DH is sad. Boo hoo, I don't even care. I also told him I don't want to hear about his heartbreak over the brat anymore either. Cold? Maybe. Child or not, everyone must accept consequences for their actions. SD doesn't get off the hook with the tired old line "but, but....she's a child of DIVORCE, she's been through SO MUCH!"

DaizyDuke's picture

Put a fork in you guys right now, because you're done. Seriously, this girl is 13 and BM just showed her that SHE can call the shots, and by golly what 13 year old would not RUN with this? what a freaking idiot!

Oh but wait, she's 13... so obviously this boyfriend won't last, so when he dumps SD, she'll be back around, DH will be thrilled to "have her back" but this will only be until the next boyfriend, or the next something better. Doing this right now with SS15. He disappears for months, then rears his nasty head at Christmas or birthday or when he needs a place to stay because BM is going out of town... DH gets all joyous at the super special occasion and holds out hope, but nothing ever changes. It's sickening to watch.

Patsy's picture

Daizy hit the nail on the head. This is not going to end and yes it is SICKENING to watch. Let your DH deal with it soley now. He needs to get to the point where he is so disgusted by the BM and SD he has to take action. Don't let him become the guilty daddy!

morethanibargainedfor's picture

How was he supposed to stand his ground? She disappeared...we didn't know where she was and BM wouldn't tell us. The reason I went through her house is because we were worried. She has cut before and threatened to kill herself. So maybe she was laying on the bathroom floor bleeding to death, and if I didn't go into the house because that's "too involved" I would have never been able to live with myself.
And the reason I was picking her up was because SO was out of town for work and wouldn't be home till later. I drove around looking for her because SO was out of town, we couldn't get ahold of SD or BM and was worried something had happened to her. Sorry for having a heart and worrying that she was kidnapped or something lol.

morethanibargainedfor's picture

No I did not know she was hiding from me. She has never done anything like this before. I legitimately was worried. As stated before, she has threatened suicide and has cut herself before, so we were pretty panicked. I suppose you're right...I shouldn't care about the little brat at all. I should of not looked for her at all. I should have just said "fuck it, don't care what happens to the bitch." and went home and opened a bottle of wine. And then if I heard later that she was dead in the bathroom or hanging out downtown with the crackheads, I wouldnt have felt bad about it at all. Because I don't want to be "too involved".

Lol unbelievable.

morethanibargainedfor's picture

My reaction would have been "Thank you for caring enough about my kid to be worried about her and to look for her". Which is exactly what BMs reaction was.

Patsy's picture

I agree with Echo that it's not your responsibility to text your SD or to pick her up. This was the first time SD dupped you, but it will not be the last. Like the frozen song that plays constantly in my home "let it go, let it go"

For the record I would have went into the house if there was no answer and a key in the door too.

ChiefGrownup's picture

I know this is an older thread but are you kidding me? Little girls having snits are immune from kidnapping/rape/murder and accidents???


OP was absolutely right to go through the OPEN door and search.

morethanibargainedfor, so sorry you got jumped on here. Marriage actually is a partnership, the closest one ever, so it was very right of you to help your DH out with transport, etc. This is your family. Every thing you did was right and proper.

Since the BM is actively working against Dad on this, it is a very difficult situation. Maybe insist that BM do the bringing from now on so you don't waste your time and gas and get a nervous breakdown over visions of limp little girls with blood circling the drain. If she doesn't show up, make the consequences to BM. What financial benefits can he hold over head?

My DH avoids court at all costs and we have been able to hang on to a cordial relationship with BM. We would hate to lose that so I can understand if your family has reasons for not running off to court at the drop of a hat, either.

But if you can't find the little girl again when it's your custody and have exhausted all other peaceful ways of resolving this, then do call cops and have them put out an Amber Alert.

When kid is found with BMgrandparents or boyfriend's house or whatever, let THOSE people get charged with kidnapping or custodial interference or contributing to the delinquency of a minor or whatever. They will quickly lose their lust for accepting BM's marching orders.

When dealing with a big manipulator like your BM, go after her minions. Cut off her army. It will make the mess you are dealing with so much smaller.

I want to repeat how sorry I am this thread went south on you. You behaved perfectly properly and decently.