Why are kids so destructive?
I guess I grew up and knew that if I had something new- I was going to take care of that something new. Within 24 hours of skids opening presents sd13 ruined a outfit. Got black acrylic paint all over her new clothes. No attempt to get it off. It wasn't just a smudge, it was a lot. Like they are ruined lol. She kept them in and let them dry. Got acrylic paint all over her new desk. Dad took all her new painting supplies away until she can decided she can be responsible with them. SS6 stabbed his new Minecraft plushy with scissors. Like for no reason?
Remind me why I would want to spend money on them? Me and DH had this conversation- why they are such *ssholes lol.
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Well, at risk of sounding old
Well, at the risk of sounding old, kids today have a lot more material crap than I ever had. And they rarely have to work for it or pay for it themselves. Their parents just replace it with more crap when it gets ruined.
Very true. I had a job very
Very true. I had a job very young. And as a teenager I bought my own clothes once I was 16 unless it was a birthday or Christmas. I would like to say these kids aren't spoiled. But, more than likely they are.
All kids are "spoiled" in
All kids are "spoiled" in that way now. We got new clothes maybe once a year before school started and otherwise if we really, really needed it. I was the youngest of 4 and I got hand-me-down everything - bikes, toys, clothes, etc. We got new stuff for Christmas and Birthday and that was it. And my father was a doctor, we were not poor by any means.
Giant Walmarts and Targets full of cheap crap didn't exist then. Now kids get so much stuff, they don't value any of it.
I still remember when my
I still remember when my brother got a big wheel trike and I used the box and pretended and was happy with that. My mom and I were looking at pictures over Christmas *biggrin*
I think it's impossible for
I think it's impossible for even the most well-intentioned parents to prevent their kids from getting so much cheap crap that "stuff" loses it's value - but they can still impart a work ethic and not buy them big-ticket items without their contribution.
Saw The Same Behaviors
in DH's kids. They never took care of anything and not just toys. As adults, their vehicles looked like the local dump and their living spaces (typically rent rooms) looked the same; nasty. I don't think it has anything to do with having too much. I'm guilty of buying my young kids tons of toys. They were TAUGHT to take care of them. In fact, I still have a boxes and boxes of their old toys, ready for grands, if I ever get them.
DHs kids would either destroy what we bought or the BM would give them a way or the adult ones would "borrow" them. I quickly learned to by inexpensive gifts for them. While I live by a rule I learned in counseling - once a gift is given, you loose ownership and say-so over it - I still didn't want my money being wasted. It's why I refused to "pitch in" on a high dollar guitar for a 15 year old. Somehow, BM got that top-of-the line guitar that Christmas. Guess what? It ended up in a pawn shop a few years later. SMH
DH and I bow hunt. SD13 all
DH and I bow hunt. SD13 all of the sudden wanted to bow hunt this year. She can't stick with anything for the life of her. She starts any sport and it lasts maybe a month. Her birthday falls on December 1. DH wanted to get her set up with a brand new youth bow. Which would have been 3-4 hundred dollars easy. I had to put my foot down. She's never shown any interest in bow hunting. And if she is serious, I told him he can look for a used youth bow and start there. And if she takes to it THEN spend the big money. He agreed. But then decided against it because she just did the same thing with basketball lol. It's hard cause you want to spend the money for them to have hobbies- if they are going to actually do them.
A Lot of Used Stuff
especially on high ticket items. My daughter found a set of golf clubs in the attic...OLD. From her dad's uncle he was given when the guy passed. She played with those things for 3 months. We then bought her a new set of JUNIOR clubs. $99. She played with those for several years. Her first "professional" set came from her coach's wife....at a huge discount. This is what made me fume when DHs youngest wanted a $2000+ guitar and didn't even know how to play the damn thing.
I also rotated my kids' toys....so they seemed "new" multiple times. We weren't rich....like BM thought she was. SMH
I think that it is just the
I think that it is just the way they are brought up. My husband's mom bought him tons of toys when he was younger and he was told to toss them in a barrel to get them off the floor. Things were broken, lost, and vacuumed up. Then she tossed them at the end of the year and bought new stuff. His stuff was always temporary and he never takes care of anything ever. She is the same way. She buys brand new things and ends up throwing it away because "she doesn't need it anymore" or can buy it again if she changes her mind.
On the other hand, my mom would make us organize our toys and we were taught early on to put back every piece to each playset before getting something else out. Our toys were always well taken care of and in immaculate condition. The toys actually lasted and looked brand new when I reached adulthood. I made a few thousand selling them on ebay. My mom takes care of everything and taught us to do the same. She's very environmentally friendly that way.
Because their parents allow it.
A lot of the bad behaviors described in this thread are just symptoms of poor parenting. Parents are supposed to mold and teach, but often don't understand or accept that obligation. Then factor in divorce, which often results in diluted or straight up Disney parenting, and the product is kids who lack life skills and good habits that help build success.
OP, I kept my DH firmly on a pedestal for a long time before finally acknowledging he's a good partner but a cr@p parent. I know he loves his kids, but he's a passive visiting-uncle type who always had others around to raise them for him. As SMs, it's easy to blame the skids, the BM, in-laws etc, but your DH is the only one to blame for how his kids behave in your home.
Holding him accountable - placing the onus of teaching and disciplining the skids on him during his time - is necessary if you care about your skids and don't want to become bitter and resentful. So, reframe the problem, and ask your DH why he allows his kids to be a$$holes.
I meant to reply to your
I meant to reply to your comment. See below! Lol. Trust me, DH doesnt allow it. He's the king of take things away with them lol. And makes them earn it back. The kids are 50/50, as much as we would like them to act how we want them to act- the other household very much so bleeds over. Unfortunately lol
100% agree with you there. DH
100% agree with you there. DH and I both agree. The other parents in the mix are very much so the Disney parents. We are very realistic. And also hard workers and have worked hard for everything we have. The other parents- well they haven't and give and give to be the childrens "friend", we see the repercussions of that here unfortunately. The ruined outfit incident- DH was downright livid. He told SD that if she can't handle getting new things without ruining them, easy solution- she doesn't get them. Asked her how she would feel if she worked hard to give a gift for sometime and they turned around and carelessly broke or ruined it the next day. We both grew up "poor", granted we never went without but we knew the importance of things. He told her that he has no problem giving her just a mattress. I was like ouch- a little much but at the same time maybe what she needed to hear to start appreciating things. Kids are kids and they are going to break things and be careless. And doubly hard when you are dealing with other parents that throw gifts at them just to appease them. Frustrating.