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What's your Issue(s)?

mommylove's picture

It looks like most of the posts on this site fall into one of the following 5 categories of "issues" in your SP situation (in no particular order):

*BP Issues
*SK Issues
*Parenting Issues (i.e. Guilty/Disney Parenting, Lack of Parenting, Differences in Parenting Styles, Differences in treatment of BKs vs. SKs, PAS, withholding/preventing agreed/ordered visitation, etc.)
*CS Issues
*Marital Issues (Insecurities with SO's past, Jealousy/comparing yourself with to BPs, Differences in Finance Managment, etc.)

Did I miss any? Which are yours?

Mine are Parenting (1st 4 of 6 examples listed!) and Marital (Financial ONLY).

The BMs and SKs are as "normal" as can be expected given the situation - nothing much has changed here versus before marriage except SKs got older and there's been some moving around. Few issues with BS6's devil donor because he is ABC (Absent by CHOICE). CS is being paid to all CPs from all NCPs in our sitch as agreed/ordered for the most part (devil donor held out for a while and owes a lot but something is better than nothing. SS BM never paid but that's H's business not mine and SS is grown and gone now so it doesn't matter anymore. Let's just say SD's BM is either really KIND or really BLIND, so H tries not to rock that boat!)


PrincessFiona's picture

Almost exclusively parenting issues. I may complain about SD and I truely don't like the young lady she is becoming but that is all due to her parenting. She underneith has all the potention to become a very charming and sucessful individual.

I believe that if the parenting were to improve from both BM and DH that my issues with her specifically would be minimal and our life might be enjoyable even.

HennyPen's picture

I don't think mine fits any of those, the kids aren't bad or poorly behaved, BM isn't too bad either. It's me, I have a problem being able to feel comfortable with them around. I have to force myself to interact with them. Truth is I don't feel anything for them, don't miss them when they're gone, don't look forward to them coming over. So that would be an issue with bonding?? I don't know exactly how to put it in words.

stepkate's picture

I feel just like that. I hate when people feel that I should just automatically fall in love with BF's daughter.

starfish's picture

hennypen~~ i was looking for the words to describe what you feel.... parenting is part of the problem... and mil interference is another.. but to be honest, i have ZERO interest in skids.... i don't miss them when they're gone and a i dread there visits like the plague. thank god i'm not alone, we'll be getting bashed by our community tree huggers together!

blondie66's picture

Marital and Parenting issues.
Marital - feels like it's a threesome with a medddling, controling, bitchy BM - which also touches the parenting issue, since BM manipulates my DH using his kids and he regularly caves, which makes me lose respect for him.
Parenting - double standards my DH imposes btw my kids and his (maybe that's marital) and of course hateful, ungrateful, entitled, spoiled skids who can do no wrong and get whatever they want when they want it (they are 14, 16, 19, no toddlers). My DH and I fight A LOT about that.

Snowflake's picture

Yeah I don't think that any of these issues are unique. I think that the only thing that I don't have is insecurity about his past and BM. She is a mean saggy old hag who no man wants.

bioandstep2009's picture

1, 2 & 3.

BP issues - BM is simply LAME and I have no respect for her as a woman or as a mother.

SK Issues - Because of the way he was "raised" before and after the divorce, SS is selfish, self centered, spoiled, has little manners or consideration for anyone else. DH thinks if we keep on doing what we're doing i.e.instilling values, correcting manners etc that he'll outgrow it but I just don't know. Given what I've seen of BM, his personality it similar to hers.

Parenting Issues - The other household - BM & her new hubby and the trainwreck skids of her own. BM and hubby let the kids do whatever they want, 24/7 entertainment, treats and gifts for NO reason, gross sense of entitlement over there. With every EOWE visit that SS has over there,he comes back with a ton of useless crap PLUS the expectation that we will continue the spoiling.

stepmom22boys's picture

Sad to say, but all the above.
BM just divorced her third husband and bought a house in my neighborhood that she can’t afford. I know some will say that her financial issues are none of my business. I agree…until she calls my DH wanting extra money to pay her bills which translates into the money coming out of our joint account.
SS12 and SS10 are just plain bad. They have no respect for anyone or anything. SS12/SS 10 are never punished for any reason by both parents.
CS is a big one for me. He pays a lot in CS but she always needs more ‘for the kids’. We have a mutual friend that says she brags about being able to do the nice things and my DH will always foot the bill.
The other big one is he always caters to her needs…her lawn needs mowed, he goes; her light bulbs need changed (really), he goes; her car needs washed, he goes…. These are all real examples. He says I am just trying to keep him from his not true. I think it’s BS when my DH is at her house cutting her grass, and I am home cutting my own grass.

starfish's picture

sm22 ~~ you're f'n kidding??? my dh does NOTHING for bm (except co obligations), i put the kibosh on that about 3 months into our dating... bm doesn't even ask or try to use "for the kids" excuse anymore..... her dumb @ss finally learned those lines weren't working since starfish entered the picture.

stepmom22boys's picture

I wish I was kidding. When she first talked about buying close to us, I told him that exactly what would happen if she moved to our neighborhood....he just told me how selfish I was for not wanting the boys close to him. He just doesn't get it....has nothing to do with the boys--it's all about her. She even wanted to do family dinner nights where he would come over and have dinner with her and the boys, and he was all for it. I freaked over that one....I told him that I would be gone when he returned.

starfish's picture

OMG ~~ i couldn't handle it...... plus aren't skids old enough to mow the lawn, change the light bulb, etc??

family dinner night at bm's ~~ that's crazy!

can you train him into seeing it for what it is, like every time he says no to bm, there's a blow job in it for him.... and every time he kisses her ass and says how high when she says jump, no dinner, no nookie, no nothing until he redeems himself?

StepMadre's picture

Pour moi, BP issues, SK issues and CS and schedule issues. That's all folks!

starfish's picture

we're on the same sucky w/e schedule spunki! but i'm in my new mode to try and make things better than play the victim, not going as well as planned.....but i'm trying.

LizzieA's picture

My main issues have been:

selfish BM who doesn't parent ... and the resulting...
SK chaos

MamaBecky's picture

My husband is my primary issue. I am the primary parent for his kids when they are in our home, even his exes refer to me for everything regarding the kids, my SD4's BM told me that if it werent for me she was confident he wouldnt not even have a relationship with his girls. It frustrates me and I feel like I spend most of my time trying to get him to be a dad. I love my SD's as I have no kids of my its not that I dont want to do what I do...its just that I feel he should be more involved and not just the guy on the couch.

skylarksms's picture

All of the above:

*BP Issues - Crazy PASing BM, end of story

*SK Issues - SS is great, SD showing signs of PASing out

*Parenting Issues (i.e. Guilty/Disney Parenting, Lack of Parenting, Differences in Parenting Styles, Differences in treatment of BKs vs. SKs, PAS, withholding/preventing agreed/ordered visitation, etc.) - DH not parenting like I think he should or guilty parenting at best. BM's PASing the kids, NO visitation with SD at all - including her baby Sad Sad Sad

*CS Issues - not as bad now as it used to be but it still gets to me. Mainly when DH would get mad at DS for anything and everything while his kids could do no wrong. I'd say at least my son is bringing money INTO the house instead of taking it away from us with BM making them resent us being together the whole time!

*Marital Issues (Insecurities with SO's past, Jealousy/comparing yourself with to BPs, Differences in Finance Managment, etc.) - see above answer, also DH is insecure with me leaving (or dying - I guess that is leaving, too, huh?), believes that any chance I get to find another guy, I am out of his life. I do get jealous over BM - not that I think she is better than I am, far from it. But I am jealous that when I was a single mom, I couldn't afford to buy a 5 bedroom new house (or ANY house for that matter) and a new car (or ANY car that wasn't a junker!). I guess I was jealous that my son's BD wasn't as responsible with CS as my DH was with support for HIS kids... If anything, though, BM was jealous of ME because DH married me and bought a house with ME - which he wouldn't do with her even when she tried to rope him in by having two kids!

What a tangled web...