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Do you think Age plays any role in your situation?

mommylove's picture

I know in mine I've thought if I...

...had been younger when I married H, I probably wouldn't have already been so set in my ways of doing things, thus making it easier to adjust to "sharing" my life with someone and the common expectation of a "wife" to in many ways "mother" the husband (at least from what I've seen.) I also think I would've accumulated less assets and therefore would've been more willing to share all of the assets I've worked so hard to accumulate because I wouldn't have done it alone - H & I would've built this lifestyle TOGETHER. Of course from my experience I also think there is probably a point when you are "too YOUNG" to get married too if you haven't had time to discover yourself and enjoy your life as a single FIRST. Unfortunately for me BOTH of my marriages fall into these categories of "too young" (married at 19yo, divorced by 21) and "too old" (over 35) IMO.

...had been younger when I had children, I might have been more eager to accept advice and "help" from others in raising my children because I would think I didn't have the knowledge or even know myself well enough yet to be selfless enough to focus 100% on taking care of someone else so helpless, and that I might've actually WANTED a life outside my children because I might not have felt so "accomplished" yet.

...had married my H when his children were very young (<5yo) like my BS was when H & I got together, then I believe I would've had more influence on the SC's values and the way they were being raised (at least when they were with us) so that I would probably have more of a bond with them now that I think would be very close to what I have with my own children rather than having to simply accept the way children who are already halfway or more to adulthood have been raised by their parents and deal with the tension it causes in my home and marriage due to lack of boundaries and discipline and preferential treatment.

I dunno. I know it's a stretch, but just something I've thought about in trying to make some sense of this mess, but I do realize these thoughts are futile sense you can't turn back the hands of time. Maybe I'm just wishing I was 26 again and all of our children were just cute cuddly little babies like BS1. Who doesn't love a cute baby? Smile

Comments

stepkate's picture

I am 25.

I have few assets and am finding it hard to build more because I have to do it while managing BF's spending and skid costs. At times, I think that if I had more I would be willing to share it, but its a constant pressure having to say 'no' to BF's financial requests because I know I have my own family to save up for. I can't help but think that for that reason, even if BF and I do 'build' a life together, in the back of my mind I will believe I worked harder for it, and I will become more possessive of it for the sake of my future children, because BF's daughter is benefitting from it now.

When I have children, I know that I will constantly be on the phone with the only person I know for a fact to be a good mother...my own.

I would not want rather BF's 10 yo daughter be younger. That means more years of CS taking away from my own children.

Just my thoughts, but maybe when I have kids, my opinion will change.

Pantera's picture

Im 28. If anything, I've realized that Im still young and shouldn't live the rest of my life like this.

justastepdad's picture

I'm 24. I know that I got into this situation too young. I think it would have been much easier both financially and from a lot of other angles if my wife hadn't had kids when we met (kids are 4 and 5 at the moment).

Like one of the other posters Im constantly thinking about saving money for a future and what it might be like when our *own* kids come around. It's a lot to think about because the normal bio-situation is that you and your spouse should be on the same track working together and thinking in the same way about your long term goals. I don't think that's the same in my case because she's always going to think first about the kids she's already got whilst Im going to worry (just that little more) about the kids we have together in the future and where finances come up for that.

It would be nice to not be in a situation where you have to think about any of this stuff, though and it can just be you and the one you love.