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Do I stay or Do I go?

Fence's picture

Hi everyone, I'm 26 and just torn on what to do. Stay in my situation which I don't see progressing into bigger and better things anytime soon or to leave and work on bettering myself by throwing myself into a new situation.

I have been thinking about leaving my SO(27) because I question if this is the type of life/relationship I really want. We do a lot of things together. It isn't bad by any means... but could be better.

I currently don't work or drive and have just been staying at home with our 5 mo. old daughter. While SO is working.

Maybe I'm just going stir crazy or something because we live out of town and I basically do nothing now where as last year I was working full-time managing a golf course and lived in town.

We have financial problems that I would like to fix but nothing becomes of the discussions I've had in regards to budgeting. (now were going into debt!!)

I'm also having issues with his son's (4.5) behavior
(only child syndrome, attention seeking, "Mine", tantrums, used to getting what he wants)
-can't take him anywhere (have him every 2nd weekend)

Not to say my son (3.5) is an angel because he has bad behaviors of his own.
(Hitting, yelling, throwing things and kicking... the dog :/ )
-but usually very chill (have him every 2nd week)

I try to have conversations with SO about issues and he will agree then nothing really comes of it. He doesn't really participate he just listens which yeah good - but how am i suppose to know what bothers him about me and my son so we can work on it. Don't want him resenting us either.

Recently I looked into moving back to town where there is public transit and more job opportunities.
I found a place I could move and a place I could work. (it all came together pretty easy... almost too easy)
I would be roommates with a 30 yr old lawyer (who is cool with my children invading)

(this was all triggered because on my birthday he arranged a sitter and wanted to goto the bar... and I asked him to wait until the next day because I didn't want to that night... but he pulled "we're young" blah blah so i got all pretty and we went out - which turned into a sh*tshow and I ended up staying at my mother's that night because I saw a completely unflattering side of him.)

But I still really care about my SO

and I couldn't keep it together with my son's father because at the time he was a verbally abusive alcoholic - so I would like to try to make it work this time.

But then I still think I could do better? since no signs have been shown things are going to change around here.

So Currently I am torn about what decision to make... to stay or to go?

sammigirl's picture

Buy the book "Should I Stay or Should I go". I bought it, DH and I separated for a few months. It is a better book for young people, such as yourself. My counselor recommended it and it has very good points and was helpful in decision making.

Good Luck
I'm glad you are not rushing into this without thought.
Read this book.

SugarSpice's picture

^^^ this book is excellent and by lundy bancroft. its a workbook of sorts and a great way to sort out your feelings in any situation.

Acratopotes's picture

All I can say - the new man is not the old man, stop comparing them.

Get out and find a job, you are too young to sit at home and do nothing but change diapers, you will feel better once you can drop the kids of at daycare and go to work. Even if it means moving back to town, with SO not with some one else....

The fact that you are doubting this relationship is a big fat red flag.... you where in love with this man, made a baby and now the in love is gone, it happens and you realize there's nothing else...

hereiam's picture

But I still really care about my SO

Love itself, is not always enough, and you don't even mention love.

You are way too young to stay with someone who you only "really care about".