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just Need to vent

Mommiedearest66's picture

since the last time I was one here I took a step back from trying to be involved, disengaging, it honestly only made the situation worse. DH and I fought about how I don’t care how everything seems fake and the like. So I went to ca last weekend and SD was also gone with BM for the weekend because they had a trip planned. So DH had an entire weekend to figure his side out after we fought about this stuff. But we let SD go with BM This way we could have SD for Halloween since it’s during the week. 

And just a little backstory on this topic, our car has been on the fritz for awhile so I have been nervous about everything, finally we just decided to get a new car and deal with payments, now the stress has settled in. 

Effing holidays. I love them. Holidays are really the only time I can comfortably play house and come out of my shell, I never had them as a child so I try to go the extra effort to make sure we as a family have a beautiful time. But now these car payments are here. She’s 10 and doesn’t care about toys anymore, all she wants is electronics and expensive ass stuff. I feel like goodwill trying to have a decent Christmas. I know she sees how much I worry about it. She’s such a sweet kid. It’s just stress of money and actually surviving the week while she’s gone. She always says things like she doesn’t want something cause it’s too much. We don’t really say those things around her so I’m afraid her BM is putting things in her head.  

We have started to do more as  a family, little outings and movie nights with me and her while DH is gone to band practice. I feel like actually talking these things out on here has helped so much. 

SD and I have started talking more since she had an issue at her school. She was sexually harassed by a little boy while playing tag and I guess he has been talking about her boobs and making fun of her for them and all that shit. I’m livid. I know she’s a quiet girl (I know you guys all think DH is horrible and that He and I made her that way but SD has been a complicit person since day one.) She’s not outspoken except under her breath, she’s not a rebel of a kid. She’s just a teen at an early age. This boy took advantage of that. She told her teacher about the name calling and snapping the bra and all and teacher did nothing. So now I feel like I can’t disengage. 

Her BM is not a strong person like she needs. She takes care of her physical needs but she won’t help make her a strong woman who won’t let men control her. That is my biggest fear. I want her to defend herself. So anyways, sorry for rambling, the principal heard about the second offense, slap ass thing, and controlled the situation a little better than the teacher. But now the teacher is pairing SD with the boy who is bullying her. So this Christmas I’m getting her karate lessons of some sort. We have made our Friday nights a girls movie night where we watch empowering female movies. Women kicking ass. I think it’s helped. I don’t know. But I’m trying so sue me. Her BM is the type who tells her to not go near the boy and to change her every day school life and friends. But no. That boy needs to step back. I can’t let her go through something I have experienced. She will be able to fight it and say no. I know I’m a bad person and kinda screwed in the head but I really need to try and do something. I don’t want any Bio kids so I should try to help this one. At the very least I won’t be the most compassionate SM but I hope she can say I taught her something. 


Harry's picture

He should not make it yours.  Your DH does not like you disengaging, becaus he has to do more for his DD.  To much trouble for him.  SD should go to her mothers so you two can have time alone,  if your DH gives you a hard time when SD is with her mother, when the two of you are alone,  that a major problem.  You don’t come first DD does.  Not a good way to live 

ntm's picture

if she karate chops a kid, she will be the one in trouble. The parents need to step it up with the school to stop this harassment. If need be, have the boy who is touching her arrested for harassment. 

Mommiedearest66's picture

I understand this concept is not a popular one but if the boy touches her she will hit him. She will tell him to get the eff off. Even is she gets in trouble at school. The boy will be dealt with when the parents get the cops off of him. Cops will do as much as they can but it is really up to the school to hold that standard. We have spoken with everyone. Cops will be called next time. That’s for sure. But she will protect herself. That’s how you stop a molester/ rapist in the beginning. You don’t just hope they get dealt with. She may get in trouble at school but she will not be in trouble at home. If boys feel like they can touch her and make her feel like she’s to hide away they will learn another lesson. Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself and get in trouble just to know that what you did was right. So I’m sorry if this point offends you but she will be taking matters in her own hands when adults at the school don’t help her. 

SonOfABrisketMaker's picture

I commend you for your efforts in helping your SD to develop into a strong woman but I think your judgement is misplaced on the wrong parent. Her daddy needs to step up and have these weekly girl power powwows with her.

There are plenty of articles about it.

He also needs to keep grinding at the school every time another kid puts their hands on her for any reason. Go down there every time and take up an hour of the principals time in a meeting to "solve" the issue Every. time.  Principal Handwringer will get tired of his schedule being thrown out of whack everytime little Johnny Graba$$ feels frisky.