I used to be on here, and decided I needed to focus more energy on my family. The negative and downright mean comments I received....yeah.

Darth Vader (bio-mom) is silly about shoes. She just called me, pissed. She had send son to school with 3 pairs of old sneakers that barely fit him anymore (she had washed them all to make them look nice and clean...). They were for him to keep at our house "because your dad doesn't buy you new shoes like I do, honey". Yeah, this past week, that was one of her lines to him, to be filed under: "reasons why you should love me more than your dad". So, do they fit him? technically yes.

So I wanted to send them right back to her. Hubby said no, just throw them away. Now, I cannot waste. They still had quite a bit of wear left (one pair was a brand name pair of basketball shoes he wore for his 2-month season this year). So I decided I would give them to a family member who has younger boys. Probably too big right now for them, but probably not for long.

So back to her phone call. I knew I shouldn't answer it (hubby was at work).

me: "hello?"
DV: "Those shoes still fit him and those were not for you to give away. The nikes are made big and they still fit him (notice only one of the 3 pairs is mentioned). I have 8 pairs over here and I was sending them to your house because I know you don't have shoes for him to wear."
me: we have shoes for him to wear.
DV: then send them back.
me: (sing-song voice) sure thing! I will get them back from ****
DV: (somewhat surprised sounding, probably because I was refusing to speak in a matched hostile tone) ok
me: ok
DV: bye, click (doesn't wait for me to say bye)

So I let hubby know, and his response "whatever" which is good, because it means he agrees that she is being ridiculous.

If I had the nerve, here's what I would ask of her:

Question #1)If those 3 pairs are good enough for him to still technically wear, why didn't you just keep them and save your money on buying new shoes?

Question#2)Is it really necessary for a 9 year old to have 11 pairs of sneakers?

Question#3)Since he does have a higher amount of sneakers than most children, why isn't it ok to donate them? Since he has such a loving mom who buys him sneakers?

Question#4)Are the sneakers really just good enough to wear at our house, but not good enough for when he's with you?

Question#5)Is the amount of sneakers bought directly proportional to how much love he should feel towards you? Or is the brand-name that affects love?

I had a talk with ss earlier in the week when she had a cow and told him, "why don't you just go live with your dad since you love him so much more". I said, you don't have to call us, or text us when you're with your mom (50/50 custody) because we know you love us. We want to respect your time when you're over there, enjoy your family! And with shoes and clothes? Honey, sorry, but you're not going to have more expensive things than I do." and he laughed. I said, I know we don't buy many brand new things (we get some very NICE hand-me-down brand name items from my sister. The kid probably has about 20 pairs of jeans), but we will make sure you look appropriate. It's just one of those things; your mom places a lot of importance on nice clothes and shoes. And that's perfectly fine. We don't. And that's fine too. We're just different people. I'm sure it's hard for you, and I'm sorry you have to go through all of this. Just remember, we all love you, and we all show it in different ways. Your mom likes to buy you new clothes and shoes. That's one of her love languages.

So then we got into a discussion about the 5 love languages and I helped him take an online survey to find out his (#1 was quality time...I had a feeling that was it).

He is quite the mature young man. More and more I'm realizing how much of an effect I have on his life. I rarely go more than 36 hours without at least seeing him. His mom? Anywhere from 48 and on up. Not necessarily by choice, but our schedule changes weekly on the days we have him (because of her I might add). But since I teach at the school he attends, I at least see him every single school day.

He comes home today. I haven't seen him since Friday afternoon.