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Your friendly reminder!

MJL2010's picture

It is NOT POSSIBLE to co-parent with a narcissist.
BM is always going on about how DH is in constant violation of their CO because he won’t co-parent (their CO, like I assume all COs, does not specify co-parenting, parallel parenting or any other type of parenting).
So this weekend is BM’s custody. She has refused to take SStwinB13 to his soccer practices on her Friday nights, and has told DH that he is expected to take this child to soccer on her custodial Fridays if the kid is ever to attend these practices. I see now that this is simply one of the many narcissist plots to stay “in the dance” with their former partner.

A couple weeks ago, during her custodial time, BM told SStwinB13 that he was not allowed to play in a tournament about an hour south of us (we live @20 miles south of BM) this weekend. Because DS13 and DD12 were here last night so that their dad could attend a work function, DH agreed to take SStwinB13 to practice last night and keep him overnight. He thought it would be the only soccer SStwinB13 would get this weekend.
So of course this lunatic/erratic parent of a BM went back on her punishment and decided that SStwinB13 WILL in fact be playing in this tournament. She then demanded that DH bring him back 20 miles north, so that they can get in a car and drive right past our house to this tournament 80 miles south.

When DH told her that she should just pick up on her way to the tournament (as DH drives this 20-mile trip to her town twice and sometimes three times daily on his custody days, depending on which practices either twin has- and SStwinA13 plays for a football club that practices 25 miles north of HER), she told him that he had “...already held SStwin13 ransom last night...” and that he “...need(ed) to get him here 9:00-9:30am...”.

Of course she had been texting SStwinB13 about this last night, and the poor kid was really upset about either the constant drama or the possibility of not playing or both. So DH drove him up and has said from now on, her custody is her custody and unless he needs to take kids because she’s out of town or they have a double-booking where each has a game in a different place, he will not be doing anything to help get them places when it is HER JOB to get them places on her custody.

He explained last night to me that it is gut-wrenching for him to constantly watch his kids be put in the middle of her vicious insanity. This and 1,000 other things she constantly does to keep them connected must be really hard for him to break the cycle of- but I really think for his sanity he needs to figure out how to do.

Almost ten years later and this is still going on.

Comments

Tiger7's picture

He has to stick to his guns and say no every time. She'll have to deal with kids disappointment, crying, etc. BM tried pulling that here too when SD16 got a job on Saturdays. She has to be there at 7 am and its closer to BMs house than our house. SO let her talk him into it once. She was demanding he take SD every weekend and he finally said no

AlreadyGone's picture

"It is NOT POSSIBLE to co-parent with a narcissist."

Truer words have never been spoken (or written, as the case may be.) LOL.

Try this instead...

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/co-parenting-after-divorce/201309/p...

http://www.divorcemag.com/blog/difference-between-co-parenting-and-paral...

http://farzadlaw.com/california-child-custody/parallel-parenting-plan-hi...

Parallel parenting is the best option for Cluster B types.

bananaseedo's picture

"Parallel parenting is the best option for Cluster B types."

Amen to that! Dh did this with BM- he refused to co-parent w/her because of her issues-she is very much Cluster B.

It would drive her crazy, but he ignored her calls, texts her 'we need to discuss SD'- he did his thing on his time.

But yes, he did the extra driving (or his parents) for BM all the time for SD's sports. I came to LOATHE the amount of stress these games brought-went a couple times and didn't attend another one from there on out. Even DH stopped attending this last year.

IF BM DID bring her to her games/practice-it was always late, didn't bring her cleats, wouldn't bring her water or snacks, forgot this or that, brought the wrong uniform-you name it. SD is of the new generation- MUST have a posse of 15 cheering her on, extra attention.

My FIL had a heart attack that killed him on a Sat morning-him and DH were going to go see her play. Wouldn't you know that as we had the police/coroner there and wheeling him out, SD called I don't know- 15-20 times pissy because 'where are you???!!' Don't get me started on how I think SD and BM contributed to his stress and death.

I miscarried that same week but hadn't passed our pinto bean- went to viewing funeral and news of my dads cancer being stage IV- DH, SD and his family then traveled several states away to place some of his ashes w/a stone in my FIL's home state. We were both nervous as I could pass him at any time I and really didn't want to go through it alone. They were only gone 2-3 days. When they came back- we planned to take the pills necessary to induce the full miscarriage that weekend. DH had to stress because SD kept calling about her game. MIL was worried because it was the 1st game she had to play since FIL died (Who always attended)- I BLASTED him and told him don't he DARE bring stress about her effin games when I'm busy aborting our child. She would live, she had bm and her family.

Of course he DID have to text her that same day after the game "How did it go" and take a 20 min phone call to discuss-as I layed in the couch w/excruciating cramps and bleeding.

I commend her for not going-but I would have left his ass if he had. I'm still bitter about it. That was it, I grew to loathe even HEARING about her games. Boy sorry, went off on my own rant.

But yeah, my SD has every cluster B trait BM does so I'd rather have nothign to do w/her either honestly.