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SOs comment about his nephews fiancés family drama.

MissK03's picture

Who knows! The stepmom might be here so this is a temporary post but had to get it out. 

All the info we have ever heard... nephew's fiancé mom (sounds like PAS) her from her dad for YEARS. Blamed the dad for divorce etc etc. Come to find out the mom was the cheater.. nephew's fiancé has been on bad terms with her ever since.. it's been about two years I would say.

Sunday was her bridal shower. Mom wasn't there. Stepmom/SOs SIL threw the shower for her.

I was talking to SO because we were trying to figure out some of the drama at our table... me, SOs other SIL, another nephews fiancé, SOs mom.. we all only had heard bits and pieces.

This guy goes and SAYS... "the fighting is stupid." 

I go.. well yeah we don't have the whole story and what happens if you were on the other end......???????

When these ex wives you hear horror stories about withholding their kids etc etc.

He triggered me beyond for all you ladies and our GUHCBM. 

Like just because your ex wife wanted to control and NOT raise her kids AT ALL... doesn't make it ok.

AND he personally offended me considering how much I do/done for his kids while his ex wife does NOTHING but should get the social media benefits... like what SO?? And this girls stepmom gets no credit from him???! 

I was generally surprised by that statement from him TBH.


justmakingthebest's picture

I personally get super "triggered" (I hate that word) over deadbeat dad talk. I think we would have a HUGE decrease in "dead beat dad's" if custody was automatically 50/50. If 50/50 isn't possible then out of state parents should have visitation when school isn't in session. Split/Rotate Christmas break but the rest of the time, go to the other parent. 

My husband and I fought so hard for my SS. He has always paid CS. He has always covered medical. Yet, she still touts to SS and anyone else who will listen that DH is a dead beat dad. He isn't a deadbeat who doesn't want to see his kid- you refused to put SS on the plane, that WE paid for the ticket! 

He isn't a deadbeat who won't take his kids call or call his kid. YOU changed his number and took him off our cell plan. You told him not to respond/blocked DH. You alienated SS.

There is a difference. Now, not that I would ever be invited to anything for SS18, but if his mother was going to be there, I would not. The fighting is stupid. It's stupid that these BM's get away with murder for years and but we are supposed to "keep sweet". No thank you.

** This is obviously for normal people and not case of abuse!

MissK03's picture

"The fighting is stupid. It's stupid that these BM's get away with murder for years and but we are supposed to "keep sweet". No thank you."


CastleJJ's picture

I 100% feel this to my core. BM has always portrayed DH as the "deadbeat Dad" to everyone and anyone who will listen. DH is constantly judged by sport coaches, teachers, and doctors because I'm sure BM mentions that DH isn't in the picture and then DH shows up for information and they're all like "ohhh." 

My DH, like yours, has fought since Day 1 to have a relationship with SS, only for BM (with the court's support) to completely stop that. I'm sorry but moving a child 6 hours away from a loving and involved father, just to minimize visitation and maximize CS, makes BM a deadbeat Mom. Not allowing DH even a minute of extra time outside of the CO because it's "not DH's time" makes BM a deadbeat Mom. Telling DH that SS11 isn't comfortable spending an extra consecutive week (3 weeks total) with DH after 6 years of this arrangement, makes BM a deadbeat Mom. BM pawning off all of her parenting responsibilities on her parents, her GF, and SS' friends' parents, but not allowing DH to have more custody or visitation makes BM a deadbeat Mom. Telling SS at 5 years old that DH was a sperm donor and he actually has 2 Moms (BM and GF) and then encouraging him to call GF "Mom" makes BM a deadbeat Mom. I could go on...

I feel bad for SS because he is missing out on a wonderful Dad. DH is amazing with DD15mos and I know he would have been the same with SS, had he been given the chance. The Deadbeat Dad narrative always pisses me off because it's a narrative that we can't change about ourselves, yet it's all lies. And of course, we can't call BM out on her shit because if we do, she psychologically abuses DH and withholds/alienates SS out of retaliation. So instead, we have to fake a smile and accept it. 

CLove's picture

Its a thing.

I hate that this is what its come to.

Im so over it, that any time I speak with a bio mother who details how her kids want nothing to do with theirbio father I automatically think "well what did you do to facilitate that? Did you spin things so hes a deadbeat to them???"

And then try to catch myself because you just never know. 

Rags's picture

They are also not stupid . Though the choices that result in the facts certainly may be.

I am definately team DIL/Bride on this one.  If either of my parents cheated on teh other... I would be hard pressed to interface with them, much less forgive and forget.

I have never understood why anyone would tolerate a cheater in their marriage. Cheat and GTF out IMHO. And you are not leaving with a single Cent if I can help it.

I am triggered just thinking about what happened and what your SO said.

I have issues on this from my first marrige. My XW was a serially adulterous skank whore.  I did not know until she had moved out. Had I known, I like to think that she would have been on the curb a couple of years earlier.

She was a cheater.  Two of her three all out of wedlock spawn were cheat babies conceived while she was married to someone not the father.  I feel for her kids.  I feel nothing but contempt for her.

SO needs to recognize the behavioral facts in play.  The bride's cheating mother is the issue. The fighting is not the issue.

IMHO of course.

MissK03's picture

What's ironic is...BM cheated on SO and SD for sure and SS18 don't know. SS19 does but I think he hasn't it "blocked" out from her. If that makes sense. 

Rags's picture

These are not young children. These are Skidults.  Then need the facts to be able to protect themselves from their toxic character deficient BM.

They may not choose to recognize the facts. However, the should have to make that conscious choice rather than be kept in the dark on her true nature.

IMHO of course.

Rags's picture

IMHO, an adult who knows, it is their place.

I think kids need the facts. All of them.  Particularly when those facts pertain to  a lying manipulative toxic parent that targets the kid and the quality parent.  There is no way for a kid to escape unscathed from the clutches of a toxic lying parent. However, informed kids can protect themselves from the toxicity and lies at some level and keep the toxic parent clear that the kid .... knows.

CastleJJ's picture

I highly recommend checking out TheManicuredMom on TikTok. She is a Father's/Men's Rights activist and DAMN does she have incredibly valid points when it comes to co-parenting and custody. She fully exposes the "Bitter Baby Mamas." She brings up a lot of the stuff we express here about BMs cutting Dads out to maximize CS, abuse of Dads, BMs replacing Dad with StepDad/BF, BM saying they are HER kids only, etc.