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BM just won’t STOP.

MissK03's picture

For a little refresher... SO and BM have been separated 13 years...they did get back together briefly (aka BM had no man at the time and SO was stupid)  but it lasted maybe 2 months and that was 11 years ago. I've been with SO 8.5 years and BM is married and has been with her husband longer then I've been with SO. She lives 4 miles from us. There is SS20, SS19 and SDstb17 (3 weeks) 

She was taking the kids EOWE when I came around and SO was giving her non court ordered child support ($650 a month) while he was solely taking care of all their needs. She never did anything with them, wouldn't attended their sporting events on her "off" weekends. Was and STILL is all about HER.

They stopped going over to her house completely 6 years ago. After we followed through with her threats of court because I put boundaries up. She never invited them over, to do anything with them (SD wanted to get stuff out of her but she rarely saw her only when she would go in waves with bringing her to get nails done) never made a single effort to be a part of their lives. 

SS20 has her brain and is the most damaged from her. SS19 hasn't spoken to her since October and he doesn't like her. SD doesn't like her but struggles with who her mom is IMO. SD sees things for what they are..

With that being said... I think she is truly starting to "lose it." The past year probably two years every single conversation she has with any of them (well not SS19 anymore) it is all "I would never have left your father etc etc." Missk ruined our friendship and just constant bashing of me. The past year it had gotten really out of hand. Everything we EVER did with the kids (this has been like this from the beginning)  just we be like "oh wish I could that or I'm jealous I don't get to go on million dollar vacations." Like lady we go on cruises and all inclusive. Like millions of other people every year. No matter what it was she always minimized EVERYTHING and made it about HER. 

Yesterday she called SD crying. "I hate the holidays" "I have no family." (She has brothers and nephews she has no relationship with and her parents) "when you don't answer me I think you are going to be like SS19 and not talk to me." WAAA WAAAA WAAAA.

SD said she should have just hung up when she heard the sniffling. SD let's things with BM build and then she says stuff. This was yesterday. She told me how last time she was with her that BM was making me out to be a monster etc. still going on about SO. It just isn't stopping and it is getting worse and worse. 

I explained to SD again to never feel guilty about stuff with her mom and no one ever stopped her from doing stuff with you guys. BM brought up how she is "still paying off" the $275 lacrosse stick SD basically made her get her for her bday last year. BM has not put a single penny in to any of their wellbeing basically EVER. 

BM would cry poor while having multiple cars, RV, two houses, Harley's, high end clothes etc. Skids see through that.. not SS20 as much. 

There has just been so much stuff over these years that I just don't understand what she doesn't get. What is she looking for??!

SD said she said even yesterday "do you think Missk would be mad if I came over for Easter?" She has said this to SD on multiple occasions she said...

Guys... we do NOT understand what she is trying to do. It's to the point where does something get said?? It's BAD. It sounds obsessive IMO. 

SO claimed he was going to tell SD today the real reason for their divorce. BM was cheating and skids think she was "depressed." Not sure he actually will but... we will see. 

If SO does this I think this will lead to a fallout. I'll keep everyone posted. 


thinkthrice's picture

The popcorn!  Buckle up!

MissK03's picture

I haven't asked him. I will though. She has a game today so I don't think she came home after school. I really don't think SD or SS19 really have any idea. SS20 yes. 

CastleJJ's picture

Your BM sounds just like my MIL. She has been married twice and divorced twice and has had several on again/off again BFs over the last 10 years. She stole over $100k from my FIL during the divorce. FIL found out she planned the divorce for several years, taking money from his paycheck monthly and transferring it into her own unknown, private account and purchasing joint assets only under her name. 

FIL was financially destitute after the divorce. He was so poor, he had to start over and move in with his elderly parents. He paid MIL $36,000 in alimony over 3 years, MIL kept the house and pretty much everything in it, and she wasn't ordered to turn over any of the money she had "stolen" prior to the divorce. MIL should have been on easy street. After 10 years, FIL has financially recovered and lives a nice life. MIL has nothing to show for any of it and lives off of her somewhat well-to-do BF. She has purchased and sold multiple campers, taken multiple trips, purchased and sold multiple cars but none of it has helped her financially. All MIL does is constantly talk about her "abusive ex husband" despite FIL being the calmest, most laid back person ever and how life has treated her so unfairly. 

MIL has practically no relationship with DH and barely has a relationship with both of my BILs. BILs are still too blind to see the reality of MIL and keep hoping she will change. She has never done anything to support or be their for her kids. She expects her kids to put in all the effort to maintain the parent/child relationship while she never calls or cares. She barely knows anything about DD2 and can't even spell SS12's last name properly. The only time she seems to care is when she sees us doing stuff with FIL and StepMIL or my parents, then she goes on about how she never sees us and it's not fair and I keep DH away from her and on and on and on. It never changes, but we know the truth. 

Rags's picture

I am blessed tor have a mom and dad who are each other's person.  They will have their 62nd anniversary in a couple of months.

I applaud your FIL and your DH and his brothers regarding their closeness with each other after MIL went off of the deep end.

Let MIL wallow in her self created effluent of a life.  She gets what she earns and invests in the relationships with her sons and their families. Never risk yourselves and the closeness you all have together for her.


MissK03's picture

I truly think BM wanted SO and the kids to (in my words) chase her. I think that's what she always expected to happen. She wanted to do whatever she wanted while SO raised the kids and she thought she would have complete control over his and kids lives for forever and ever. That didn't happen and now she is becoming more and more crazy about it. 

The whole coming over or in the house thing is beyond mine and SOs comprehension. I have absolutely no idea what that angle is.. skids know everyone in SOs family doesn't like her including SO so I have no clue. 

Rags's picture

Her statement about coming to the house for Easter is a probing intelligence gathering attempt.  Hopefully someone rubbed her nose in the stench of that effort.

In an ass baring humilating way.



thinkthrice's picture

Sound exactly like Chef's ex MIL, Battleaxe Galactica and the Girhippo!  Must be reading out of the same Playbook.

advice.only2's picture

One thing I told Spawn was your parents are human beings, they are flawed, they are not perfect, they make mistakes and they do not always have your best interest at heart. I told her you can love your parents, it doesn’t mean you have to like them or the choices they have made.  I think she believed me on that when it came to DH, but totally disregarded it when it came to Meth Mouth.  Here’s hoping your SD is smart enough to understand she can love her mom but does not have to like her.

MissK03's picture

I have said to her "I'm not saying your mom doesn't love you" and things along those lines... I have explained boundaries and even if they are your parent doesn't mean you can't make them. I've gone in to general detail with her about my own struggles with emotions into my adulthood surrounding my parents. Both have had drug/mental health issues. SO doesn't get it because he was never put in any of these situations so I have told SD that I think that's why it honestly bothers me more. 

SO has had convos with them on things surrounding BM but I think IMO should be deeper. 

Rags's picture

SO and BM have  been separated for "13yrs" and she is married.  How long has BM been remarried?  I ask because this is a fact point that the Skids need shoved down their throats every time BM plays the "I would never have left your father etc etc." Missk ruined our friendship and just constant bashing of me." card.

Yes, SO needs to be direct with all of the Skids regarding "he was going to tell SD today the real reason for their divorce. BM was cheating and skids think she was "depressed." 

Letting BM stand on her "I was depressed" bullshit cannot be tolerated and the Skids need the full frontal complete facts. IMHO of course.

 The Spawn all moved out from BM's 6yrs ago. Since there is one minor Skid, did DH nail her for CS?

As for me, I would go full confrontaton and bare her ass every time she plays the woe is BM card.  In a direct, calm, professional manner of course.

MissK03's picture

They were all minors at the time. 14, 13 and 11. That's why she stopped taking them.. because she wasn't getting paid anymore. Honestly it was for the better. 

I do really think he needs to have a sit down convo with all of them when I'm not around. I've told him this before and it never amounts and probably won't TBH. He will have one on one when things come up. 

He said he is going to tell SD. 

MissK03's picture

Oh and also... she has been with her husband I think around 10 years married for almost 5. BUT in 2016 she moved out, moved in with some other guy for like 2 weeks.... This guy brought skids and his kids on a little mini vaca in upstate NY... We knew that wouldn't last because he was nice and had kids.. Two weeks. She however was bringing the kids secretly around him before actually moving out of said husbands house. 

That was the only time "she" I say that in quotes because it was the other guy truly... did anything with the kids.

Lillywy00's picture

She lives 4 miles from us

I feel your pain

My ex's breeder lived 2 miles away and this REALLY enabled her already lazy trifling self to be even more trifling. 

They also feel like they can butt into your lives wreaking havoc simply bc the physical proximity (and their negative mindset)

If it's legal...I'd record ALL these conversations then present them to a lawyer....courts don't like it when one parent is actively manipulating against the other parent in effort to destroy the relationship. 

Also I wonder if she could have some sort of mental illness or be on drugs. 


She either needs to spend time with her kids (keep her piehole closed) or stfu (and keep her piehole closed)!!!

MissK03's picture

SD will be 17 in a few weeks and she is the youngest. SSs are adults. There is no court. That's the thing... she never invited the kids over to her house EVER. Never made plans for dinners etc. Did nothing.  

Almost all the issues she has created in our house and emotional abuse on skids is via cell phone.

Shes BPD in my opinion. Not my popular though.

Lillywy00's picture


Put that money where her wide piehole is. 

Told my ex dude he needed to sue his trifling a$$ breeder for full custody AND make her pay child support. He said she would never pay a dime - yet still expect to do subpar parenting and remote meddling - and it was at that moment I realized their coparenting style (aka 24/7 B. Beck n Call LLC) caused so much dysfunction and stress that the ROI to turn this sh*tshow around was beyond my pay grade. 

But yeah if I had it my way I would have sued the dust of that itchB  ... kids are entitled to child support regardless of which parent is the custodial. The manipulative lazy breeders are the ones who deserve to be dragged in court and held accountable. IMO. 

Rags's picture

I completely agree that kids should have CS from the NCP. I also believe that the NCP must hold the CP accountable for performing for what the NCP pays in CS.  If I were an NCP I would raise hell and high water on a CP who was not effectively providing for, providing oversight, and caring for the children I paid the CP to care for.

Though there is no way to drive accountability on the CP to prove how CS is spent, I would make them miserable if they were not delivering to MY expectation regarding return for my CS dollar.

CS covers the NCP's entire support duty for their child(ren). Unless otherwise specified in the CO.  I would give the CP shit for nothing more than exactly what was COd if I were an NCP.  Blessedly, I did not pollute my gene pool with my adulterous XW.

Even as the spouse of the CP, I recognize that NCPs get screwed by the process an inordinate % of the time.  I detest dead beat NCPs as much as I do crap CPs.

Crap parents share equally in my ire. Quality parents share in my admiration of them.  Both classifications are a you know when you see it thing. 

Lillywy00's picture

lol at the title of this thread.....since when do petty BMs ever quit???

They're most of the time like perpetual trolls and wack-a-moles.