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My beloved cat died...and SS12 showed me his love

Milomom's picture

My beloved cat (I'll call him Paws), who was like a son to me, passed away at age 11 a few days ago. I was nothing short of devastated. He was my baby and the pain is debilitating at times. To make it worse, BF left to go out of town the day Paws died & doesn't return until this Friday! I don't cry easily or often, but I've been crying for days now. Paws was part of my heart and soul. Everyone that knew Paws (even those who disliked cats), thought he was the coolest cat ever - a great personality, heart of gold, good-looking, friendly and didn't hurt a fly. We shared an unconditional love that most people don't experience in their lifetime. So why do I write this on ST?
My BF has 2 kids (SD15 & SS12) who we've shared 50/50 custody with BM for over 6 years now. We're not married yet & I've never been married before or had my own kids. So I've always thought that the skids just "tolerated" me. Not to say that we've had a bad relationship, we actually have a pretty good one! But the skids are typical skids - a bit spoiled, unappreciative, expect everything to be handed to them, don't do chores, etc... I didn't really think the skids would care if Paws got sick or even fell off the face of the Earth - I didn't think it would affect them at all. I must admit, I always thought they'd laugh if anything bad happened to Paws, because they'd see it as something bad happening to me (and I always thought they'd smirk at that, courtesy of BM's PASinating them).
I was wrong. The skids were with BM when I notified them via. text that Paws died. They both texted me back about how sorry they were and had some really nice things to say about Paws. They both also called me and I thought I actually heard tears in their voices! SS12 told me that he cried when he got my text, then SD15 started crying, and then BM CRIED FOR PAWS, too!!! Has Hell frozen over or something?
But SS12 really surprised me with his texts - here are some excerpts of the texts between he & I the day Paws died:
Me: "Paws died today."
SS12: "OMG are you OK?"
Me: "Very sad right now, thanks. so sweet of u to ask"
SS12: "Awwwwwwww if u need to talk to somebody u can call me anytime! I want to go to ur house and go to Paws' kitty memorial, and see him and just say bye."
Me: "Thanks SS12, that is so sweet of you. I really appreciate it."
SS12: "And Dad's away so who is helping you out with everything with Paws and stuff?" (I assume this is because I told him during our earlier phone conversation Paws would be buried in the backyard when he asked).
Me: "Uncle Bob is coming over after work to help me." (BF's brother, SS12's uncle)
SS12: "Alright. I'll text u later. Feel better. I'm so sorry."

Just the fact that SD15 & SS12 cried and actually showed me their grief over losing Paws shocked me to the core! I now have a renewed sense of faith in my relationship with BF & especially with skids. These past 6 years of living with them and co-parenting with BF is finally starting to pay off. We, as SM's get no credit for the good things we do, and nothing but a bunch of drama from their BM's - damned if we do, damned if we don't. I always believed that maybe ONE DAY the skids would grow to realize that I try to love them & treat them as if they're my own (with no help from BM's PAS'ing of course) and that maybe someday they'd look back at the good person I always was to them and thank me...or at least just told me that they care and appreciate everything I've done for them their whole lives (a girl can dream, can't she?).
SS12 calls or texts me every day since Paws died and asks how I'm doing, or what I'm doing today, or if he can help. He told me that he told his friends at school about Paws' passing (we often have his friends over our house for weekend sleepovers & SS12's bday parties, etc...) and they were so sad, too. He said he told them that, you know, Paws was HIS CAT, TOO since he LIVED WITH PAWS FOR 6 YEARS! I almost FELL OVER when SS12 said that! I said OF COURSE PAWS WAS YOUR CAT, TOO AND HE LOVED YOU SOOOO MUCH, SS12!! I never knew that the skids considered Paws a member of their family (I brought Paws with me when I moved in with BF & skids 2 yrs ago & dated BF for 4 years before that and the skids have known Paws for 6 years). I almost CRIED SO HARD when SS12 said that he told his friends that, like he was SO PROUD that Paws was HIS CAT too & part of his family & that he was hurting.
Just the thought of how SS12 has reacted to Paws' death has shed a new light on my relationship with skids and has softened my heart towards them (and maybe a little towards BM, too).


TheWife's picture

Swear to God, almost cried reading this. I am a big baby!

~*~I'm THE wife. Not wifey or wife material or #2. THE WIFE~*~

Fading's picture

I'm sorry for your loss. DH had bought me a kitten for our 1 year anniversary in Oct 2008. He was a beautiful Flamepoint siamese I named Angelus. Unfortunately he was diagnosed with FIP and died in Dec 08 on Christmas Eve. Even in that short of time I had become so attached to the little bugger. I was devastated and cried for hours. SS12 sounds really sweet that he cared so much about Paws. Losing a pet is losing a family member. They become part of you and your family. They give you unconditional love. I know it's hard but just think, Paws is in kitty heaven now with all the catnip and Meow mix he can ever want. Smile My thoughts are with you Milomom. *hugs*

Amazed's picture

I'm sorry about Paws honey...losing our 4legged family members is so hard. Our Kitty Persy is a pain but I'll be devastated when he passes.

BUT I'm so happy to see that you're looking past your grief to recognize the good that came from this sad thing. Having the skids respond in such an appropriate way to your grief is just a truly positive and uplifting thing. I hope that with this experience comes more bonding moments between you and the skids...hopefully next time the bonding can be over something good that has happened.

((((((Milomom)))))) I find it really AWESOME that you're accepting this experience in the best way possible even though your heart hurts right now.

"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."

epgr's picture

I had a dog for 7 yrs.. he followed me everywhere.. we had to put him to sleep last June.. it is the most heartbreaking thing in the world.. (although one of my step kids watched and giggled as I lost it for 2 straight weeks).. my heart goes out to you.. losing a pet is tough!

Catlover's picture

I'm sooo sorry for your loss. One of my Cats is 12 and she has been part of my family through 3 moves, two husbands and now children! I think I'm closer to her than I am to some humans.

"Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean people aren't out to get me"

Milomom's picture

Same here, Catlover (btw - I love, love, love your screenname!!). Paws has been a part of my life for 11 years - through 4 moves, 2 long-term boyfriends and now skids!! I said the same thing to my friends, family - that he has been a constant in my life for soooo long, that it's so weird not to have him here anymore. I must admit, the unconditional love I shared with Paws was stronger than some of the human relationships I have. So happy to know there are others out there and can feel my pain (and that I'm not the "crazy cat lady" for grieving the loss of my beloved Paws).

DoingItAgain's picture

I'm so sorry for your loss Milo. Losing a pet can be very devastating I know. In 2008 I had to put my 18 year old cat to sleep. In Sept, I had to put my 14 year old dog to sleep. I had them both since they were 6 weeks old... long before any kids or hubby. They were my babies. I still miss them dearly. I wanted to cry for days and was depressed for weeks after their passing... especially my dog since dogs tend to be much livelier in the household than cats. The quite after the dog was gone was very sad. And the kitty? I miss his cuddling.

I'm glad that you got comfort from your skids's response. That was awesome.

Milomom's picture

OMG LovingLife, I am so, so sorry that you've had to endure such tragedy with your beloved pets. I cannot imagine having Paws for 18 years and having to put him to sleep. Thank you for letting me know that there are others out there that have been through what I'm going through today (isn't that exactly what everyone on ST says about this site - it's amazing the amount of support everyone gives each other). I miss my Paws so much already - it just hurts so bad!

Selkie's picture

I'm so sorry to hear about your cat. It's so hard to lose a beloved pet. How heartening that you received such support from your skids.

epgr's picture

I did learn that trying to get another dog before I was ready was a huge mistake!! We did get Larry when I was pretty much ready, but still find myself comparing Dakota to him.. Dakota was perfect, larry is adhd, ocd, odd and has seperation anxiety..

Milomom's picture

Thanks to everyone for your warm thoughts and ST hugs. I just wanted to let all of my ST friends know what was going on in my life - and more importantly, I wanted to encourage all the steps on ST that sometimes there really is a silver lining to this "cloud" that seems to follow us in dealing with skids and BM's. I was so shocked that my skids actually had an ounce of compassion in them about Paws' death - and it has enabled me to see some very positive aspects on my relationship with skids that maybe I wouldn't have seen if this horrible thing hadn't happened. I hope that we can continue to grow together and that it will be the result of GOOD things happening & celebration, instead of sad events. Love to you all!!

Most Evil's picture

I am so sorry to hear, but glad to hear of the sweet response from SS. I still miss my fluffy cat who died many years ago - it broke my heart! I have cried so many times over her being gone and only this year finally got another pet.

Paws sounds very special and I know you will miss him. It really helps to have such a loving friend in this world!! HUGS
"The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself." -
Will Rogers

sbplus3's picture

This is so sad and so sweet too. I am happy that there are feelings in there...just when we as Sparents think that the skids have none! I hope you are feeling better and it is nice to know that sweet moments can be shared like these.

Milomom's picture

My sincerest appreciation and heartfelt thanks to all of my fellow STers who posted such wonderful words of support during such a difficult time in my entire life.

I decided to cremate Paws and his ashes are in a beautiful container in my home, surrounded by flowers and 2 of my favorite pix of him that I had enlarged, framed and placed on each side of it. I've never cremated an animal before (never really liked the idea but have no idea why), but I can tell you that the feeling I get knowing that a part of Paws is still "here" with me (albeit his physical being, not his tender soul & spirit) is more comforting than I ever imagined. Also, it comforts me to know that I can bring Paws (his ashes) with me wherever life takes me (and BF & skids) in the future. I also started making a photo album of Paws & it is still a work in progress.

SD15 & SS12 have been so kind and sweet to me since Paws' passing - they both asked me if they could look through the Paws photo album and SS12 even asked if he could have a framed picture of Paws for his bedroom. feels so nice to exhale and have such good moments with skids. I hope it lasts a long, long time.