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My niece and nephew's new stepmom

Merrigan's picture

I hope I'm not being hypocritical or critical of stepping, but I just find this odd. My sister's divorce finalized about a month ago. Her ex started dating a woman (3 kids of her own) in August. At the same time, he was asking to get back with my sister. He introduced my niece (14) and nephew (16) to her and her family right away. She showed up on my fb feed with them, so I checked out her profile. There are TONS of photos of her with my niece and nephew, all with captions like "hanging with my fave people!" "My besties!" Etc.  They're plastered all over the rest of her social media as well.

My sister's been a stepmom, so she doesn't really seem angry at all.  (Her kids like the new stepmom) She just seems sad, saying she's been feeling like a crappy mom lately anyway (mental health struggles).

What does Steptalk think of this situation?  I feel like putting someone else's kids on your social media immediately after starting dating their dad is just...bizarre.  But I don't think I can judge at all considering the situation I'm in with SD17.  


tog redux's picture

Well, I think it's weird, but I don't really understand people's need to broadcast their every move on social media, period.


Mamabearof3's picture

I post a lot of my kids. Including SD but I never got any social media till we'd been together for years. I don't even tag new friends in posts etc so I don't think I'd be posting a new person so soon. And she's not a step mom already is she? Like it doesn't even sound like they been together a year yet. Doubtful they're married. Definitely inappropriate IMO to be posting like that. 

Merrigan's picture

More information from my sister is that this woman seems a bit clingy and over the top with the kids, according to their mutual friends.  I'm feeling a bit protective over my niece and nephew for sure, but I would NEVER post photos of someone else's children online without the parents' permission. 

ndc's picture

Presumably she has their father's permission, which is enough.  Is she one of those people who lives her whole life on social media?

Merrigan's picture

I didn't do a deep dive into her social media - before the photos of my niece and nephew, it's mostly just selfies. 

Merrigan's picture

My two SDs have asked me to take photos of them at events etc, but those photos get emailed to their dad. I wouldn't dream of putting them online. (Nothing wrong with any of you who do post photos of your skids online, but obviously there's an established relationship and understanding there)

SeeYouNever's picture

As usual the root of the issue is the dad, he brought her in way too soon and is probably happy to have her swoop in and take over mom duties for him. 

Other than that the pictures might just be her marking her territory or her sending signals to her BF. After all she has kids too and she might want to lock down a father figure or make an ex jealous. 

Jcksjj's picture

Without knowing anything else about her, it seems like it could go either way. Either someone who is trying to make the ex jealous or someone genuinely nice who is just trying way too hard or thinks that's how you're supposed to act with the boyfriends kids.

AgedOut's picture

I always look at them like I look at couples who are literally making out in the grocery store, parties and just about everywhere else ... they're either trying to convince themselves, us or both. 

Tried out's picture

my husband's daughter-in-law! Her favorite thing to do is having her picture taken. They did a location wedding and her FB posts are full of her looking straight at the camera during the "oh my god I love you" make out section of the wedding photos. Cracked me up.

Merrigan's picture

It's also definitely my ex BIL's fault for facilitating the over sharing. He shouldn't have introduced the kids to his new girlfriend right away. Same for her kids. It could end up being so hard on all the kids. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

Ehhh...your niece and nephew are old enough that they're probably not going to get overly invested in a new GF. They likely suspect that she's trying too hard or is being disingenuous. They could get hurt, but I'd be more concerned about a long-term partner than the post-divorce rebound.

Winterglow's picture

They'll probably consider her to be just another of dad's girlfriends rather than a potential stepmother. Book seen

MissK03's picture

Some people are just obsessed with social media and the "picture" it paints. Shallow IMO. That's what this case reminds me of.. one of those..

SO and I didn't even become "friends" on the book till I was going on a vacation overseas and he didn't have an iPhone at the time to FaceTime so I used video call through Facebook to talk to him... I was only using WiFi while on vacation. That was almost 6 months into the relationship. 

We have joked about how we aren't "in a relationship" on the book so are we really in one?? Haha. 

This.Is.The.Remix's picture

Some people are clueless about introducing children and blending lives. My SO's last exGF introduced her kids too him after two dates! He introduced his a few weeks later and shocker, it was a short term relationship that went down in flames. But in 4-5months they were together they spent every weekend together with all the kids. Well, his 2 were around every other weekend. Needless to say it was hard on all the kids when that didn't work because they were all under 10.  At least he learned his lesson from that dumpster fire. 

Some women push it for their own agenda. It's harder to leave the relationship if the kids are all involved together and it's very public. 

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

My guess is your sister's ex pushed the kids on her susper soon and she's trying to impress him with how much they're "bonded."