Brother's family torn apart...feeling hopeless for my niece and nephew.
This will take some explaining so bear with me.
My older brother has been married to his new wife for almost 1 1/2 years. She is 10 years younger than him. He has two kids from his previous marriage (D almost 20, S 13). His wife has a 10 year old D from previous marriage. Both met at work and known each other for sometime. The problem starts with this...my brother got divorced because he was cheating. No one knew in my family however his ex-wife's mom told his oldest. His kids only knew her as "His Coworker", not girlfriend, fiance, etc. My niece only met her once or twice before this knowledge and from that point on...her relationship with her dad was been estranged at best and she will not have anything to do with his wife. A month before the wedding my niece and her dad had a one-on-one honest talk. She wanted to know if it is true that his soon to be new wife was the one he had an affair with. He was not only very defensive and refused to answer the question (which i felt was a legit one,) but turned around on her and called her to task for refusing to get to know his soon to be wife, and stepsister and being cold to her. It only made my niece even more angrier with him that it became a shouting match. In the end she told her dad that she wasn't going to the wedding and she is not allowed at her graduation or her life. It ended with my niece calling his soon to be wife a "Homewrecker!" Unfortunatly his now wife walked in with her daughter after an outing, the second she heard my niece calling her that word. She tried to get my niece to talk but my strong willed niece just stormed out of the house ignoring her. From that day forward...my niece rarely speaks to him and at family get together's if he comes with his new wife and stepdaughter...my niece would leave. Rather leave than feel uncomfortable with her dad's wife's existence and drama. To complicate matters is my nephew. He doesn't know anything about his stepmom being the mistress. My niece has told me that she will never tell him about it because she doesnt want that info to drive a wedge between my niece and nephew and he and his dad, which is understandable and very mature of my niece. So he goes there and bonds with his stepmom and stepsister and meets the stepfamily as well. For the most part he's happy and they blend well. But I know that the big hole is there with him and his kids.
The tip of the iceberg happened on Memorial Day, my niece was taking her brother to my house as she was on her way to her boyfriend's house. He tried to get her sister to come with us but she said no. Again tell him that she can't be with her dad and as my niece calls his wife ("Her", "She", "That Woman", "Dad's Wife" and a few other phrases that keeps my niece from even uttering my brother's wife's name) The next day my mom and dad got a hold of their granddaughter and they talked. She explained to them why she won't be around her dad. My parents were furious beyond belief. I also talked to my brother about this and his response was as evasive and defensive as he was when my niece confronted him before his wedding. Right now, my parents love my brother as I do. We won't turn our back on him but we are not happy with him about what he did and his behavior at times towards his daughter. He expects her to be happy for him, accept her and be part of his new family. My niece wont for the fact that she feels it is morally wrong how it all happened and for her to accept his wife and love her would be like the equivalent to saying all is forgiven and gives her blessing. Which she is right! It's not and my niece has every right not to associate with her. As far as me, my wife and my parents are with my brothers new wife, we are cordial to her but we keep our distance from her. Her daughter, we treat her like she's part of the family. It's not fair to her, she's innocent.
And to add one more wrinkle to this drama...my brother and his wife are now expecting a child at the end of the year. My niece knows nothing about this and if she does...i'm scared to even think about what would happen. I know this is tearing his family apart now and it could be beyond repair if my niece finds out about this baby. Also a wedge will be driven when my nephew knows about how his dad and stepmom got together. Eventually I know he will find out. Not by my family or his sister, but he will, i just know it.
I see my brother pained by his daughter's exclusion of him and his new family. She doesn't acknowledge his wife or stepsister's existence. I want to help out in someway to get the ball rolling for them to rebuild a relationship again but he insists that she must accept his wife and stepdaughter and bond with them. That will so NOT happen. So my question is after this long story...what should i do or turn to. Praying is a start but after that, what should they or I do?
Much thanks and love for your help!