FOR THE LOVE OF GOD
Well, it's SS9 birthday this Saturday and guess what good ole DH is getting him for his bday....? A god damn Go Kart!!! I already seen how much it cost (1100.00) normally I don't care, but he seems to think this is coming from our joint savings for his gift!!
This is where the fun begins-
DH: "I'm" getting SS a go kart this Friday for his birthday party Saturday.
Me: Oh Wow! That's a huge gift, was it the one you been looking at for 1100.00.
DH: yeah. I think he'll like it.
Me: I bet he will, but when will he ever get to enjoy it. He barely uses the electric scooter and his brand new bike he has already. Plus where will he drive it?
DH: I don't know, I'll take him somewhere where he can use it. Why would you say that about his scooter and bike?
Me: because on the nicest days and the weekends we have him, he rather be on his phone all day or his PS4 and never wants to be outside, and when he goes outside, guess what he's doing?... He's on his phone.
DH: well I'm changing all that.
Me: ok.... (thinking sarcastically and rolling eyes silently to my self) alright we will see what happens. Which account are you using.
DH: BMO account.
Me: our joint account..? Uh, no. You want to get him this rather large expensive gift. I personally don't think he's ready for that. Plus your settings a bar too high and every year he's given a large expensive gift and it never last or gets used. I don't want you using our account for his gift. If you want to spend that much please use your personal account. I rather buy him a different gift.
DH: are you serious??? This is from us!!!
Me: Yes! I'm dead serious, and NO this isn't from us this is from you. You want to buy him these extravagant gifts and I personally don't feel he's grateful for anything he even has now. I rather buy him something that I know it's not so expensive yet he will use more than a Go Kart!
DH: (angry tone) FINE! I'll use my money but I don't want you buying my son nothing!!!
Me: ok no problem! I won't it's expensive anyways and that gift alone should do it and you can say it's from you, that doesn't bother me a bit!
DH was angry I wouldn't let him use the joint account. But, I don't care! That's my money too and I don't feel he "needs" a go kart! He'll never use it and he is not appropriative of what he has and I don't feel he deserve a huge gift like that at the age of 10! Maybe when he gets older like 14/15. I all for buying birthday gifts and etc., I'm just not down to buy him something so god damn expensive. We aren't financially wealthy and this just sets the damn bar high so he thinks he gets gift like this for every birthday or Christmas (oh and trust me DH loves to spend spend spend on SS) and guess what happens to all these expensive gifts...? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!! They barely ever get used and or they are forgotten about! He can use his money for that but not mine.
(rant over) I know I sound like a witch, but I know my limit and also know I don't want to spend my hard earn money on such a gift that expensive!
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You do not sound like a witch!
You do not sound like a witch! You sound like a normal, grounded, practical woman! Good for you for standing up to DH and making him pay for this out of his personal account. I can't imagine spending that kind of money on a 10 year old for a birthday gift - even if it was something appropriate.
I never spent that much on
I never spent that much on gift for my own daughter... So he must be out his damn mind to think I'm doing it for his kid.
I am the only practical being in this household. Lolol
I mentioned this to my own mother and she thought it was ridiculous. He's the only one who thinks this is "cool".
Applause, applause, applause!
It's so nice to read about a SM who's willing to speak up and put her foot down.
Your H needed to hear the truth and learn that you're not going to finance the extravagant, impractical gifts he buys out of guilt. He may not like it, but he'll respect you more now.
If he does buy the go kart, make sure you don't cover for him financially in any other ways. He needs to feel the pain of his poor decisions.
Oh, I definitely won't! He
Oh, I definitely won't! He knows me too well that I will say something to
him if he asked me for financial help with something because of his ridiculous decision to buy a gift like that.
I definitely do put my foot down and I'm at the point where I started to speak my mind because I'm done tolerating nonsense.
It's all out of guilt. The
It's all out of guilt. The moment he thinks SS has a issue he feels soooo guilty and then he starts to talk to him like he 4 and act like his son needs to be coddled in every way imaginable. He tucks him in at bedtime and gives hugs and kisses like he a toddler. It's just so weird how he doesn't treat him like a growing young man. I purely think he's so afraid to parent because he's afraid SS is going to hate him for actually setting any limit, rules, responsibility and or any motivation for anything.
it's rather shameful to watch. But I don't fall into that nonsense. I hear SS when he is gaming and he talks like he is a big shot. When he sees his cousins (around his age) he acts like tough shit cool kid. But with dad he acts like wimp and talks like he can't do nothing for himself. Even when he plays basketball with his dad he cries like a baby cause he can't take what he dished out to his dad. But not like dad pushes him hard or goes hard. It's just that someone else ain't doing what he wants so he cries like a 4 year old.
When it's me I don't put up with that Whitney, crying behavior. My thing is your 10 not 4 you can handle it.
Been there done that! For
Been there done that! For special classes and camps and other things that remained unused. Nope, I want no part of it and none of my funds are going to it.
OmG
giving me flashbacks. I'd bet the ranch the go kart will just sit in the shed/garage unused until H finally sells it at a LOSS.
Don't ask me how I know this. Had to chuckle at "I'm changing that." Suuuure you are dadi-i-o.
Sounds like Chef's "YSS is DIIIIIIIIIFERENT from his older siblings...he'll waaant to come liiiiive with uuuussss."
Yeah right. If anything, the feral, spoiled brat was the worst of all three.
Stick to your guns...kudos!
Oh I'm laughing right now too
Oh I'm laughing right now too. Because I definitely know it will sit in my garage and just take up space until he decides to. Guess what he'll say too..." I spend lots of money on a gift he doesn't even use!" Like it's SS fault! He won't blame himself how stupid it was.
and we don't have any land where he can drive it. I don't live in the country or have acres of land to drive it on. We live in the city. Lolol
So, I'm very happy that it's not coming from my account for this!
He will never learn.
You don't sound like a witch,
You don't sound like a witch, you sound like a reasonable person who is probably the reason he isnt bankrupt!
Sell the other expensive
Sell the other expensive gifts not getting used and DH can use the money to offset his cost.
I'd also recalculate my deposits in the joint account. If you have that much extra in it that DH thinks it's fair game that needs to be changed.
I don't worry about that very
I don't worry about that very much. He tried to make purchases a one time without letting me know. He just doesn't realize, given that, I have access to his account and I took his money and placed it back to our account for his stupid decision without asking me to use the joint account. Honestly, DH trust me with all his financials, because I'm the only person who knows how to budget and manage money properly and knows how to save. Let's just say he learned not to mess with my money again. I only use that account for household bills and expenditures for the house or all of us. I have a separate account and savings for me and my personal use. I'm a smart cookie and know me too well to not put all my money in our joint account.
But definitely understand the comment.
I'll take him somewhere where
Do you own a trailer or does the cart come with one? If you live in a city, DH will need one to get the cart to someplace it can be legally driven. Does DH even know someplace he could take it to?
Men and their toys. Practicality doesn't fit into their impulses.
Hopefully, when he realized it was completely coming out of his pocket, some common sense kicked in.
Good for you!!!!!
Good for you!!!!!
Yessss
You are 100 percent right. I have had the exact conversation (almost) with my husband last week for my ss11 bday. Only the gift was about 500. I said oh wow we are spending 500 on bday gifts now. So our daughters bdays are next month. You have an extra 1000? We usually don't spend more than 300 bc we can't and just like you said, my ss would rather stay in front of a screen all day than go outside. My husband bought him a basketball hoop three summers ago. He never played voluntarily. I made him play 3 times and when I watched from the window, he would be sitting down. And then the damn thing fell on my car and caused damage! Unpractical and expensive gifts bother me. I had much better ideas for gifts for him but I've disengaged so didn't bother pushing it. At least he knows to use his money. I hope your ss enjoys the go cart! Make sure to ask for something very nice for your bday!
Totally feel you
This is why mine and hubby's finances remain seperate, I'm not helping buy 300 game consoles or his child maintenance lol. would you consider doing that?
I think my parents probably
I think my parents probably spent $25 on our birthday gifts. $1100?!
Good for you for confronting that nonsense.
Chef bought the HousesHitter
fancy baseball equipment with my account. At the time, non arrears CS was taking away $290 a week of his net income, leaving him bringing home $100 a week to contribute to his free room and board, car insurance, gas, vehicle maintenance (he would do most of this himself but parts still cost money), booze, health insurance, clothing, utilities, laundry and maid services. He provided the labour for rennovations to my house.
YSS did not want to play with his "pitchback" alone. I guess this was Chef's attempt to get a STB 7 yr old to self entertain. HA! At age stb 7, he couldn't even catch a ball from a foot away but that is another story about Chef's dreams of having spawn be an MLB star LOL!
He let it sit out in the rain after playing with it once under Chef's supervision, then back to screens.
I made him break away from vid games to gather up his fancy toys and put them away. I had to pull the "this is not a suggestion...(after he tried to fob me off) this is an ORDER!"
I ended up selling them. Later he had a tantrum in public (while I was out disengaging) because he demanded a go kart. Chef was embarrassed for once and bought him a fancy pedal cart instead then tried to bribe him by promising he could give it a spray paint job.
HousesHitter did a horrendous blotchy blob of paint job, then rejected it.
Shortly after, he PASed out over a home cooked meal. I repainted it and sold it.
Unless the kid was already
Unless the kid was already semi into motorsports and you have land to use something like that.. it is a really unpractical gift... because he won't go somewhere with it.. he will need a truck/trailer for that.. he have that? Also, those things tend to be finicky.. if you don't use non-ethanol gas in them.. the carbs will gum up between uses.. and the thing will never work on tha tblue moon he expects it will be used.
Honestly... if he has 1k to blow on a present for the kid.. he needs to probably ask the kid what HE would like... I'm betting some new gaming gear would be preferred...
I have a feeling that this gokart is what your DH would have wanted as a 10 yo.. but he doesn't get his son isn't him.
My DH did buy the girls kind of expensive things over the years.. but that level gift would have been a joint gift... he bought them a golfcart.. like 15 years ago..my FIL now uses it to make his rounds in the neighborhood because he has some mobility issues and sight issues.. driving a real car is no longer a good option (slower golf cart on the margins is ok). I bought them a pony... we got them a computer and a few bikes etc.. over the years.
My DH's dad was the kind who would use his whole paycheck on his kids (my FIL).. My husband remembers the time his dad came home with two new dirt bikes in the back of his truck.. his whole paycheck spent. Now.. they live in a home on land they were gifted by my FIL's parents.. in a home that cost 20K to build and borrowed the money from those same parents.. they didn't have big bills... so splurges like that .. it was a feast or famine thing to an extent.
But, we have acreage.. we could use things like the golf cart... if you don't have that kind of land.. it is not a good choice.. and your neighbors do not want to hear the kid on it in your backyard.. promise you.
Oh no, SS has never been into
Oh no, SS has never been into or nonetheless semi into Motorsport!! That is why I'm floored he's buying him one! It's all dad and also purely CLOUT, over his BM because it seems like they try so hard to ONE UP each other. SS sees this all the time and gets away with getting what he wants because if one parent doesn't the other will. We both make good money BUT never to make a stupid ass large purchase for birthday gifts like this! DH feels he needs to redeem himself because SS has been "acting distant"... I mean we both work long hours and he isn't the only kid who is in this house who doesn't see us all day. His problem is he needs to spend time with him vs allowing SS stay glued to a screen and actually spend real time. Not both be on the couch both on their phones!
SS barely can ride a bike YET is getting him a go kart to DRIVE! Ugh, I'm so dumbfounded.
Why doesn't he actually ask
Why doesn't he actually ask his son what he'd like for his birthday rather than assume he has the same fantasies as he has? Chance are he'll be shocked at how far he is from reality.
THIS!
THIS!
I'm not against buying kids expensive gifts, but they should be expensive gifts they'll use and want. If SS were into rookie karting, that would be one thing. But it doesn't sound like he would even care.
Cause that would be too easy
Cause that would be too easy to ask him what he wants. DH wants to get him this and when he realizes it's not going to get used he will find out the hard way that he should have never bought it.
Let's just say, I was told he
Let's just say, I was told he has been "asking for one"... SS can't even ride a bike, even though he has one. Why the hell is he "asking" about a go kart? It's all dad! He's doing this so he can buy his love, because lately SS has been giving him "attitude" and doesn't talk much! I'm like are you effin kidding me, kid gives attitude here and there and your freaking out. He doesn't talk because his eyes are glued to a phone screen and PS4 all day! Maybe take that all away and spend some real time with your kid!!?!?
we don't have any land for this child to remotely drive it, also we do have a large pick up truck. But, nevertheless he's still buying it and not with my money! I'm disgusted at this purchase. I don't feel he deserves something this big that won't be able to be used all the time. It's a waste of money!
The amazing thing about this
The amazing thing about this (sarcasm) was that before he was just looking at one. DH said one day he wanted to get him one. My response was, "ok well when he's at least 14 and he is into it, also he has to learn to even ride a bike first before even getting him something that requires him to DRIVE".
DH made this decision on his own until I found out where the funding for this was coming from. He didn't ask for my opinion or thoughts or anything! It was all DH being really selfish. So in turn, I told DH he needs to figure out where he's storing this go kart because it's not going to be in my garage!!!
DH was upset because he said "why can't I put it in the garage?" I responded, "well given you didn't ask for my thoughts nor opinion of this huge purchase. You just decided on your own this is what you are doing. Well I decided you won't store it in the garage! You better find a storage facility to put it in until you actually decide to use it. Otherwise it's just a piece of machinery sitting in the garage collecting dust and in my way!"
DH thinks I'm being petty. LOL! Well it's not petty it's realistic! He could have very well bought SS the new PS5 and I know it would have been what he wanted. Keeps SS out my way and DH know it would be awesome for him to have the "latest and greatest" but noooooooo lets get in 1100.00 gift! THE HELL! Haha
So he made arrangements and bought a storage unit large enough to keep it in and he pissed he has to pay monthly for it! I truly don't care, it's his problem. He bought this gift and this will be the gift that keeps on giving until he sees how much it isn't being used and that he pays monthly for each month just to SIT IT IN! Lmfao I'm dying of laughter because it won't take long for him to know how much this was a waste of money!