Happy birthday to me, NOT! Long vent
Happy birthday to me!! NOT
Well, as usual, my December birthday gets overlooked by everyone 
Why is it that people seem to think its OK to give joint Bday and Christmas gifts?
I can understand young kids doing that. But kids can at least say Happy birthday. Adults should know better. I don’t give joint Christmas and birthday gifts for anyone born in December!
My SD12 couldn’t even be bothered with saying Happy birthday to me this year. This is the same girl who recently recited everyone birthday at the dinner table. And did I mention that she has a phone with my phone number in it and could have easily texted me happy birthday. I am so glad we took her off our phone plan cause I would be even more angry since she couldn’t text me happy birthday on a phone we pay for.
Now my birthday fell on a Monday this year and we don’t see the SDs until Wednesday. That day I see DH and SD11 before boys and I go out the door. I had things to do and decided to take my boys to fast food on our way there in my car.
SD11 takes gift from under the tree and writes, Merry xmas and Happy birthday SM and gives it to me. I tell her to put it back under the tree. I appreciate the fact she did it, but I am positive that my DH said something to her about it. Hubby decides to join us with SD11 in his car. While we are eating SD12 calls to get picked up from her school activity, Hubby runs to get here and bring her back to fast food place. She tells DH that she NEEDS muffins for school tomorrow. She FORGOT to mention anything about it.
DH: SD Needs to bring in muffins for school tomorrow
ME: Why doesn’t her stay-at-home mom make for her?
DH: Yeah. Well, she just wont. You know how she is. ~thinking no DH I don’t know. She portrays herself as the BEST MOM EVER with her BFF SD12.
When boys and I leave, DH proceeds to super market to get SD12’s muffins. Wwhen we are all home, nothing from SD12. I wait until the next morning, still nothing. After DH drops off the girls, I text him this;
ME: I did not get even a Happy belated birthday from SD12. And she knows everyone’s Bday and has a phone. But lets reward that behavior by buying muffins for her for school.
DH: Calls and tells me about how she “needed muffins” for school. And how getting her muffins has nothing to do with her not saying happy birthday to me.
ME: no teacher will tell kids they HAVE to bring in something. She volunteered to bring something which her stay-at-home mother should have provided.
DH: OK. Iagree but again that has nothing to do with “rewarding” as you so put it. Do you really Hate SD12 that much??
ME: WOW really?? She does not say HB but now its my fault?? Im the one to blame?? Are you kidding me?? Let me set the record straight; I do NOT hate SD12. Maybe I don’t agree in giving SD12 what she wants without repercussions for bad behavior. You got conned into providing muffins. ~thinking When I buy something for my boys, they con me into it , according to you.~
NO RESPONSE.
Here are my issues with this whole situation;
SD12 is being shown bad manners by not being instructed by DH to at least text HB to SM. I always make sure that my boys show their Stepdad the courtesy of wishing him happy birthday, whether or not a gift is involved. Adults need to teach and reinforce this behavior in kids.
No repercussions for Sd12’s behavior from DH.
Complicating this issue is DHs behavior before my Bday. Yes, he is in the dog house right now. He knows my Bday. He asked me what I wanted. I said something at a spa would be nice. The day of my birthday he tells me that he JUST ordered my gift.( thinking WTF! Really??) I tell him how we just went to the mall to buy you new dress shirts for work and I stayed up late to wash them because you “had to” have them for work. And today you say you don’t have a gift for my birthday??
His reponse...wait for it.....But I love you honey..
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My response isn't going to be
My response isn't going to be very uplifting, probably not even helpful. Here's what a friend of mine told me (she's disappointed a lot too). Lower your expectations of people and you will be less frustrated with life. I've done this lately, and its sad but its helped.
On the other side of things, I've made other people lower their expectations of me. I don't do for birthdays like I used to. I barely care about them after the way I've been treated on mine.
Some may disagree with me, but the birthday thing was between you and SD12 (that's the way DH will see it) so he isn'g going to do anything about it. Sounds like DH doesn't make birthdays very important either, so his kids won't. I've very much come to see this with SO and skids in my situation.
I'm not saying your wrong, but the school responsibility was a separate issue. I think the birthday and muffins are two separate things and should not have been a punishment. She had a responsibility at school and he tried to help her make that (at least). Her MOTHER should have done that. She sounds like a huge lazy ass. Her father should be teaching her to be respectful and about tradition when it comes to personal events. Again though, he's not going to because it doesn't sound like he makes them a priority.
I am sorry you felt so slighted on your birthday. For theirs, I wouldn't put in much effort in the future.
I agree with the above two
I agree with the above two comments. SD didn't even bother to wish YOU a happy birthday? Well, don't make a big stink about her birthday, either. If she isn't going to wish you a happy bday, then, there isn't much you can do about it beyond reciprocating the actions. DH might get a bug up his butt about it, though, but I'd suggest talking to him about it. Let him know that it hurt your feelings that SD didn't acknowledge your bday.
I've had to start doing similar with my SD. The first year SO and I were together, he called her on my bday and told her to wish me a happy birthday and put her on the phone with me. Couldn't have been anymore snide when she said it if she was trying really hard - I don't really blame her, SO and I had only been together about 6 months at that point. Although, I got her a small inexpensive gift and a card and gave them to her on her bday that year; it was obvious that she felt bad about the less-than-stellar birthday greeting she gave me months before.
Last year, SD didn't acknowledge my bday at all (SO didn't see it as being necessary to remind her), and, so, I didn't bother wishing her a happy bday personally even though SO and I "gave" her gifts (i.e. he bought two things and put my name on one of the gifts). This year, however, I still didn't get any acknowledgement from her and, so, when SO called her on her bday and asked if I wanted to wish her a happy bday, I just told him to tell her "Happy bday" for me. If he didn't ask me, I probably wouldn't have even said that much.
And, in regards to what alwaysanxious said above, you have to be willing to lower your expectations sometimes, but, you also have to be comfortable doing so. As my sister's marriage counselor said to her: If your expectations are very high, and your partner can only meet you about halfway, you have to decide if that is going to be acceptable or not. If it is, then great, make it work. If not, well, then that is not a problem, but, you can't keep making someone who consistently fails to meet your expectations try to meet them consistently; it would be like setting them up to fail.
Every year I had sure the SDs
Every year I had sure the SDs had a birthday party complete with cake, gifts and friends. Guess what?
that ends this year. If they can't be bothered to ever say Happy birthday, then I can't be bothered to do ANYTHING on their birthday.
Oh, yes, I would stop all of
Oh, yes, I would stop all of that if it were me. That's the responsibility of DH and BM - not you. Even though you are married to BD, it still does not mean that YOU have to shoulder that responsibility. And if you do all of this each year for them and DH still sees no issue with SD not acknowledging your birthday by even wishing you a happy day? Yea, screw that. I'd say, at most, expend some energy to sign a card for her, but, don't go out of your way to buy it.
FYI...I dont expect to be
FYI...I dont expect to be treated like a queen on my birthday. However, I do expect, at a minimum, for those closest to me to acknowledge my birthday by saying SOMETHING. Because I always make sure to acknowledge their birthday.
I also expect the same consideration that I give to others to be given back to me on my birthday. My DH has a gift on his birthday. He is an adult and I expect him to have something for me on my birthday.
Needless to say, Birthday celebrations this year in my family will be very minimal.
Unfortunately she's 12. She
Unfortunately she's 12. She probably didn't think about it. If her parent's don't make a stink about birthdays the children aren't likely to either.
Matter of fact I cannot recall one time in which skids have gone out of their way to say Happy Birthday to me or even said it on their own, it's only been when SO has prompted them to and I've asked him before not to make them say or do things where it involves me because I don't feel it's genuine, rather him making them do it, so it's not actually coming from the heart. Anyways my point of mentioning that is I have never even thought much about it until now, it's not a big deal to me, but then again, are you close with SD12? I could see how that would stink if you have a good relationship with her, if not I wouldn't worry two much about it, she's a 12 year old girl, often they don't think or remember these things.
The muffin issue is separate. She volunteered at school for this, she obligated herself and her mother should have taken care of it.
Anyways, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I hope besides this you made a good day out of it!
I feel your pain. My
I feel your pain. My birthday is 12/23. However, this year it turned out pretty good.
Also, it seems that Dh thinks that I always have it in for Ss. He always feels the need to take sides against me. Even when I'm totally in the right (which I am occasionally)
For example, the other evening I was wrapping Ss's presents and I was running out of boxes. I mentioned that maybe I could combine a couple of the shirts that we bought for Ss in the same box. Dh threw this fit that I was making it less fun for Ss because it's fun to open MORE presents and I would be taking one present away. Really?? Wow!! He's 16 and we spent hundreds of dollars on his gifts!!
O_o That would be the point
First off . .happy Birthday!
First off . .happy Birthday!
You were blessed to see another year, don't let anything rob you of keeping that in perspective.
I've also had this issue with SD and have learned to lower my expectations, and I stopped caring. Last year SD forgot my b-day and wished me a happy belated b-day a few days later. I told DH that my feelings were hurt and he mentioned it to her. Her excuse was she was busy, etc. I'm not too sure he actually mentioned it because he lacks assertiveness with her because he doesn't want to hurt her feelings. But of course she always gets DH something really nice for his b-day.
So this year for her b-day I decided to give her a taste of her own medicine. The entire family took SD to dinner to celebrate. I told DH I had to work, but I was really at the shopping mall. The message was clear . . I didn't give a !@ that it was her b-day. So when my b-day came around . .she called and wished me happy b-day. She's finally getting it. It doesn't feel good when the shoe is on the other foot.
I too think the muffin issue was a separate issue, but it was good that DH stepped up.
Give SD a taste of her own medicine and I think she'll make some changes.
I totally understand...my
I totally understand...my bday is the 15th and i always feel like everyone is just annoyed to have to get me something or remember because of Christmas...DH was a love last year at least and threw me a big surprise party which was definately the most attention I've ever got on my bday since I was a kid.
And poor unlucky BS will be 2 on the 28th. I think I go a little overboard for him just because I don't want him to feel shafted.
Sorry your bday sucked