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Can’t believe this

luwh033's picture

Step daughter went out of state with some other family for a bit to visit more family and just got back yesterday. Me and partner agreed she would stay with her mom for a bit to quarantine since I am 8 months pregnant with asthma just to be safe. I guess she was upset that she had to stay with mom and was crying so her dad gave in and told her she could come tomorrow without talking to me about it then just randomly drops the bomb on me casually while we are snacking and watching tv. I’m upset because we made an agreement and decided what would be best together and he just turns around and changes that without talking to me. Putting me and the baby’s safety at risk. I said absolutely not. She needs to quarantine and then come or we can get her a test if we need to so it’s faster and he’s flipping out telling me I can leave if I don’t like it? I’m sorry but this is my house. I still have to go to work and I’m about to give birth. I am livid. Why is it so hard to understand I’m trying to be safe? Am I wrong? He lied to me in the first place and told me the family she was with had been tested when they hadn’t he admitted that he didn’t know and didn’t even remember saying that. I was saying that she shouldn’t go because it wasn’t safe and he went against that so why should our safety be put at risk because of a decision he made. I told him he could leave if he’d like because this is my house and I’m not going anywhere. Not right. Feels like we don’t matter.

Comments

Aniki-Moderator's picture

He lied to you. He made a unilateral, crucial decision that affects you and your unborn baby's health. He told you that you could leave.

Unfortunately, you and baby are not his priority. 

It's your house, your choice. Tell him to find a hotel, motel, or Airbnb. 

YOU take care of your and your baby's health. 

JRI's picture

Your husband is wrong,  He sounds like a Disney dad, wanting everything to be pleasant for her and afraid to say the word "no".  He also lied to you.

If he is wanting you to leave, or threatening to leave, over a disagreement with a 8-mo pregnant wife over a health issue, that is a serious problem.

After my experience with my ex, I always say that you find out what kind of person you married when you have a baby.  I'm hoping for the best for you.

VioletsBlu's picture

Its because Princesses matter more than ANYONE else.....Get realdy for a whooole LOt more of that kind of treatment...these men are spineless when it comes to theor SDs ...They will lie...and break promisses and agreements just as longs as their sweet SDs dont get mad at them...its pathetic

ndc's picture

If your husband had discussed this with you before doing his about face, I would feel differently.  Under the circumstances, where he LIED to you about an important health-related matter, then went against your agreement without so much as letting you know, and had the nerve to give you grief and tell you to leave, as if this was YOUR fault, I think this is a Hill to Die On issue.  DO NOT allow the SD to enter your home before the quarantine period ends.  Your husband is obviously an idiot who has no regard for you and your unborn baby.  Not to mention that he's not even remotely trustworthy based on recent behavior. So no precautions he promises are acceptable.  It has to be no skid.  And if you give in on this, I think you can expect a lifetime of giving in to accommodate the little princess.

If he absolutely MUST see his kid, then both of them need to go elsewhere for the quarantine period. And you will for sure know where you stand in the pecking order and can either decide that's a life you're willing to live or start getting your ducks in a row.

I totally understand your position, because my baby was born a couple months before the lockdowns began.  We had the same situation, where BM was not social distancing, and at one point we told BM keep the skids if she was not following the stay at home order.  She had them for a couple weeks straight, during which they begged DH to let them come over, but he held firm until our stay at home order was overturned and he didn't really have a leg to stand on with BM (they have 50/50, so he's not a NCP who can just decline visitation).  At that point we mutually agreed they could come back, but they weren't permitted near the baby and there was a lot of handwashing and sanitizing going on.  A few months later, I'm still not thrilled about it, but our DD is a bit older so her immune system is more developed, so I live with it.  If she was a newborn, I'd probably be staying with my parents so as not to expose her to skids.  Of course, my husband has behaved decently - if he had lied and been a jerk about it, HE'D be the one staying elsewhere.  

Please take care of yourself and your baby, since your husband doesn't seem willing to do so.

shamds's picture

He made an executive decision affecting you and your baby without you!! That is never ok!!

my almost 3yr old son was rushed to hospital in a priority 1 ambulance from the common flu/cold or respiratory infection going around when first outbreaks of covid happened in australia. He started coughing with flu symptoms etc that morning and by noon trouble breathing a little and that evening a house dr called an ambulance as his oxygen levels were in the low 80s and he guaranteed me they would plummet to the 70s very soon.

he got given ventolin via the oxygen mask and plenty rounds of ventolin. This is from the common cold/flu or virus.

a pandemic is way worse and i would be furious about this!!! 

Op you need to figure out beforehand because I suspect your partner will still go behind your back and pick up his daughter and expect you to comply!! So what happens if he brings her over and tells you to get out!! What do you do?? Call the police because hubby told a heavily pregnant woman she is kicked to the kerb?? Because rhis is heading already into domestic violence territory over Princess precious sd...

you need to pre-empt his bs behaviour. Don’t trust him then have a locksmith change the locks whilst he is at work and message him to say locks have been changed, your daughter is not entering, stay with your parents or somewhere else!!

the fact this idiot is putting you in this situation is mind boggling and tells you to leave... f*ck no!!

BethAnne's picture

 It is sad when we find out that our partners will say one thing to our face and then do something else behind our back. Well now you know not to trust him when it comes to quarentening and his daughter. Conveinience trumps caution in his mind. 

I am sorry he put you in this position. 

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

What an A&& !  I'm angry for you!!!!!!!  I have a brand new just born baby nephew!!!  Am I missing all the new baby smells?  YES!  Am I missing how babies sleep with their cute little butts up in the air?  YES.  And it sucks but it is what it is.  I haven't seen my brother or sister in law or nieces or nephews in a while now cause my then pregnant sister in law and now the baby must be protected.  He is selfish!  

Cover1W's picture

Call your doctor!  Ask them about it. I guarantee they will say quarantine. If you can get it in writing via an email as well, even better - and if it's a call make sure your husband is there for it.

CLove's picture

I would REALLY conk him over the head with some hard truths:

1. He is risking YOUR health and the health of unborn BABY. Many have reported (I dont have numbers) that miscarriages and stillbrn babies due to blood clots in the umbilical cord.

2. He will be kicked to the curb, with his skid, if he doesnt comply with quarantine requirements.

3. Lies and half truths and trickle truths are not to be tolerated.