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Ongoing battle of the wills with SD13 - what to do?

luchay's picture

Just quickly as I have to go out.

Have been having issues with SD13 - we have a rule of no food upstairs - they tend to leave plates, wrappers, mess and I don't want ants etc or rotting food in the upstairs family room or kids bedrooms.

Have had this rule always, we've been in this house 18 months now.

SD13 KNOWS the rules.

Wednesday afternoons she has been bringing a friend over after school, I say to them EVERY WEEK - no food upstairs.

BM ALWAYS send a huge amount of junk food for SD to hoard and gorge in her room - I am talking boxes of crackers, packets of chips, family blocks of chocolate, bags of lollies (all of this for one weekend - not just ONE item) juice boxes etc) SD has been told OVER and OVER no food.

But there are always packets, half eaten food, wrappers everywhere. So OH "talks" to her, and on we go, no changes.

There was a rotting apple and other assorted packaging in a zip lock bag on her shelf for a month - while I waited for one of them to
DO something. Eventually my DD11 was in there with her one day and saw the apple, was grossed out (I was leaving it there FFS!) and bought it down totally EEEUUUUuuwwwing LOL SD claimed no knowledge of it and of course OH couldn't call her a liar now could he???

Two weeks ago, friend came over, "no food upstairs" was said. After they left I went up to say goodnight to mine. In SD's doorway, chocolate wrappers and a chunk of chocolate, middle of the floor one of those cheese and crackers packets - open, crackers eaten half cheese gone left on the floor... looked further - under the bed - big packet of rice crackers (empty) 2 half drunk juice boxes, lolly wrappers and lollypop sticks and chocolate wrappers... In the cupboard half a box of shapes crackers.

Shut the door and left it. Last Weds, OH calls "can SD friend come over" I say NO, will tell you why when you get home.

He comes home, I show him the mess and food crap everywhere. He is pissed. He calls SD up and makes her clean it all up. The rubbish is left in the bathroom in a plastic bag...

After they leave I check the room. Under the bed - another empty rice crackers packet (we're talking family size pack not a snack pack) another half box of shapes, more lolly wrappers etc. On her bookshelf she has ripped the insert out of a gift set box - the box is there and the insert with the toiletries is next to it... odd! So I look in the box, filled with lollys, chocs, chips and crackers.

OH and his talking is getting nowhere. She KNOWS I check her room, she KNOWS I will find the shit under her bed again.


1. ignore (not keen - this is MY home and I don't want bugs etc or mouldy carpets etc)

2. leave it all and show OH - possible but his methods are NOT working.

3. Remove it ALL (even the hidden stuff in the box) and not say a word. (not like she can complain about food she is not supposed to have going missing?)

Ok, it's obvious what I want to do.

Quick poll - should I????


IslandGal's picture

I would also do what Echo said - absolutely! NO WAY would I allow her to bring that crap into my home - if she wants to eat it, she can bloody well eat it at BM's.

The only thing she'd be able to bring over with her are her clothes -that's it. How would BM like it if you packed an esky with fresh vegetables & fruit and sent it back with SD to eat over there? She'd probably have a goddamn cow!

Obviously your DH is being wishy washy and doesn't really care - although he might if he was the one to clean all her shit up..

Check her things when she walks in the door, put her junk in a separate bag (or throw it out - which is what I'd probably do) and tell her to learn to abide by the rules.

With her friends? Same thing - if they get busted with one rice grain up there..send her friend home immediately, and ban others from coming over for a whole entire year (where hopefully, SD will learn to respect the rules of your home).

luchay's picture

Smile ok - sorry - was rushing earlier, one thing I forgot to say - I am not allowed to discipline his kids.

But as you all say his way is getting us nowhere, and she knows I can't do anything.

So.... I have gone with number 3. It's ALL gone, I searched every nook and cranny and removed every food item. Even the unopened stuff. And I threw it away in the big skip and dd's dancing school.... just so there is no evidence here.

I am not discussing it with OH and having an argument. If SD mentions it; as the saying goes "I know nuthink!" If she has the balls to say "All my hidden secret stash of food is missing" I will claim ignorance and OH will call her out on having food there (ok - that last bit was a dream...)