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Been a while....

loveandfitness's picture

I’m back! I got a new job and it’s been like working 3.   Anyway.... gonna play catch up real quick before I really get into it....   SS is now 13. Unbeknownst to us until we got him this summer, he failed 7th grade and has been in and out of juvenile detention centers with pending cases (multiple), and still wets the bed.  He should’ve had another one against him while he was staying with us for theft but my husband decided to do the disciplining himself, which SS found hilarious and it was a huge waste of time and energy and SS ended up pretty much getting away with it and he knew it and ruining everyone’s summer . 

Moving forward... as we were on our journey to take him home to his mother (a week late because last week she was suddenly “out of town”) DH got a text saying they had to talk.  When we arrived she and her latest victim new husband #3 we’re outside waiting.  I did not get out of the car to enjoy the conversation, but DH filled me in.  

BM said SS had another case against him and depending on the outcome he may need other living arrangements.  (Cue suspicious glance to DH).  BM went inside and new husband #3 introduces himself to DH and goes into further elaboration about “spending money on SS he doesn’t have, new baby is coming, yadda yadda not safe environment, courts may not allow him to live there.  He needs to come live with us.”

DH was cordial, said he needs to be in the loop, had no idea about what’s going on with SS, wish he could’ve intervened sooner, BUT if courts deem it an unsafe place for him to live with younger siblings, why on earth would he be allowed to live with us and more younger siblings.  

Fast forward to today, DH called CPS to get to the bottom of things and yell at someone for not letting us know our children could be in danger.  Turns out there’s no other case.  It very much Seems like BM is finally ready to give DH custody because she needs more room for new baby and doesn’t want to deal with the delinquent behavior.  

Opinions??

Comments

Survivingstephell's picture

Nope, just nope.  Your bios come first and SS sounds like he will torture the little ones daily.  The daily stress will take a toll on the marriage.   What would happen to SS if no one wants him?  Where else could you put him?  

loveandfitness's picture

Not sure.  CPS said if the courts ever do deem it unsafe for whatever reason, then he'd be unsafe here as well and it is BMs responsibility since she is the custodial parent.

notsobad's picture

Sorry, I know this will be very hard for DH but no way I'd let a budding sociopath into my home. Yes, someone needs to stand up for this child but I wouldn't put my children in danger for him.

What a terrible bind to be in.

loveandfitness's picture

Agreed. That is how I feel about it as well.  He needs major help, and it is not help that we can provide.  My IL's are not helping the situation.  They keep telling DH that if he doesn't take the chanc to have custody now that SS will assume noone loves him and DH will "lose him forever".  I really wish i could tell them to mind their own damn business.  DH is really conflicted.  He knows we cant keep  him here but feels guilty, and doesn't understand why I don't.

ndc's picture

If he is such a problem that his own mother doesn't want him, and is willing to LIE to get rid of him, there's no way I'd be allowing him into my house.  In fact, I'd be reconsidering summer visitation in the future.  If his mother is that worried about her younger kids, then I'd be very worried about my own.  SS moving in would be a hill to die on.

justmakingthebest's picture

Oh geezzz... What a terrible place for you and your husband to be put in!! I mean, SS is your husbands son, and all of us as parents and step parents want our kids to grow up and be healthy, happy, successful, and general contributing members of society. SS has been put on a downward spiral path.You guys are coming in late to the game... can he turn around... maybe? Is it worth risking your other kids in trying...nope. As hard as that is to swallow, you guys have to find another option. Maybe group home? Maybe some kind of boarding school that specialzes in kids like him. 

Actually, I remember telling someone else on here about a boarding school in TX that takes on kids like him. It is like living on a ranch and they have therapy and all kinds of things. There are also a lot of scholarships, the woman I talked to who told me about it said that she doesn't have to pay anything but transportation for spring break, christmas and summer. The school is free because of grants and scholarships. If you want me to try and find the name I will see if I can!