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I can't stand my 4yr old stepdaughter!!!

lostkitty's picture

Ok, so I end up feeling like a monster over this, but my stepdaughter is a nightmare. We only see her two days a month but sometimes I pray that she doesn't want to come over because I know what's in store for us. She was a product from an accident. Her mother was slutting herself around my husband's family trying to get pregnant and my husband was the winner. He feels obligated to take care of his daughter because his mother is close to their family. She is only 4 but is rude and has absolutely NO manners what so ever. I have NEVER in my life encountered a child who argues with adults (as if she is an adult, she doesn't even argue like a child). She plays her dad all the time and I feel like smacking my husband for not seeing it. My m-i-l and my husband rather than discipling will try to talk to her nicely and make a game out of it if she refuses to listen to them. She absolutely hates my husband giving anyone elses child attention. If he does she will jump on his lap nearly knocking the child over(this happened while he was holding a 3 week old baby). Meanwhile she could care less about him if he's alone. This worries me because we plan on having children. She will pee and poo herself everytime she's with us even though we ask her to use the bathroom. And if I try to insist she goes she screams and cries and then I look like the bad one. One time she was playing outside and refused to go potty. Then she tells me about an hour later she has to go potty. So she goes inside and is taking a long time. When I go to check on her she's put her poopy underware in my bathroom sink and changed into a new pair!!! Another time we were in the midst of moving and she had to sleep on our $1000 couch one night. Well she had to use the bathroom which was 5 feet away from her. She instead decided to hold it, started to pee herself, then got up and finished it on our rug. Oh but the best part was instead of calling for help SHE WENT BACK AND LAID IN HER PISS!!! Then I see my husband telling her the next morning "it's ok, it was an accident." No, it was not and I yelled at her, so she cried and he got mad at me. When we go to visit people at their homes she will pretend not to hear them and turns her face away when they speak to her. We can't go out to eat anywhere with her because she doesn't listen and i'm tired of feeling embarrassed. One day I was out buying laundry detergent and she purposely walked into a woman and said to her in a snotty little voice "why don't you watch where you're going?!?!" I almost died!
We have two small kittens which she tortures when she comes over. I almost wish I hadn't declawed them so that they could fight back! I can't take her!! Can't stand the way she looks, the attitude, or anything else about her. and I feel it will just get worse as she gets older. And my husband is useless because he feels guilty if he yells at her because then she won't want to come back to our house. UGGGGH!!!!!

Comments

goodmom's picture

You only have to deal two days a month which is nothing. A d your DH SHOULD damn well feel obligated to take care of her whether she was an oops or not. It is his child and the circumstances really mean squat. His penis entered BMs vagina resulting in a kid.....that's all that matters. If he was dumb enough to fall for her trickery it's his fault.

She sounds like a handful for sure but it's your guilty DH who is the real problem. He needs to start setting up guidlines and rules and there needs to be set consequences to breaking them. He needs to be consistent also. Y can't let the behavior slde at all. SD sounds like a mess but truth be told she is only four so the parents should be controlling her behavior and TEACHING her acceptable behaviors. She is too young to figure it out on her own.

Having a baby does not make you a mother.

artsymom's picture

Hi ! I feel the exact same way about my sd, I was just talking to my sil about how I need to take some sort of pill ot drugs before she gets here. I cant stand my sd and feel like a monater as well, but I got over that part. At least you only have her once a month it could be worse.
As for your H, Im sorry to say if he is anything like mine, nothing will change. DENIAL! Guilt parenting, H thinks sd is the cutest smartest kid in all the world, even when she threw her brother down a flight of stairs, he thought her brother must have provoked her in some way. I think she should be comitted, locked up and throw away the key. My problem is that kids do have a sense of right and wrong, yours knows she should not pp on the couch, talk to adults that way,etc. So does mine. I hate when H says she does not know any better, yes she does. She likes to inflict pain on other people whether it be emotional or physical. I know bm puts stuff in her head, but this child is pure evil with or without her mothers help.

goodmom's picture

Kids only know right and wrong when they have an adult to teach them and give them consequences. You are not born with a sense of morals....you have to be taught. If your DH is making excuses for a child throwing another down a flight of stairs well, there's your problem. Your DH is clueless and raising a nightmare as a result.

Having a baby does not make you a mother.

Amazed's picture

"Kids only know right and wrong when they have an adult to teach them and give them consequences. You are not born with a sense of morals....you have to be taught."

someone has to teach it, otherwise kids run wild with no morals to keep them in check.

The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children. ~Edward, Duke of Windsor, Look, 5 March 1957

goodmom's picture

Yes Ma'am. Had my daddy not set my little butt straight every time I got out of line as a kid I would have been a nightmare too. You can't give a child permission to get away with murder and then not expect them to behave.

There are alot of things that I as an adult I would have done if I knew I would not be arrested for it. It's the consequences that make me keep in check. If an adult would be tempted you KNOW a kid is going to reak havoc. LOL.

Having a baby does not make you a mother.

melis070179's picture

A child has not reached the age of reason at 4 years old, they have to be taught between right and wrong. At this age, a child's behavior is reflective of the parents.

"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"

Abigail's picture

It worked. But it will only work if your husband does it too. Tell your husband that he needs to do this for SD's own good. It's unfortunate that her mother doesn't discipline but you can teach her how to behave with you in your home.

"Evil Stepmothers aren't born, it comes with the territory"

starfish's picture

your lucky stars it's only twice a month......... we get skids EW, EOT, and EOW --- freaking seems like they are always at my house....... i get borderline in a bad mood every time they are coming --- like now, they should be here in about an hour..... anyhoo, i side tracked..... she is only four, but with the mil and dh enabling the behavior --- it will only get worse....... my mil has no life dh father died when he was a teen and she has NEVER remarried and her life solely revolves around the f'n ass gnats..... which i use b/c that's what they remind me of --- irritating gnats shoved up mine or my dh ass.....hence the term......... i suggest you get dh on track and start on mil ---- i should have done something about her a long time ago ---- she is super jealous of skids relationship with bm's mom and always trys to buy their affection.......... and she makes them call dh all the time when they are with her.......... and when we are all there she makes sd12 climb all over dh who has a bad back...... like "sit in your daddy's lap" "go give your daddy a hug" --- makes me want to fucking puke! and you can see the discomfort in both of their eyes..

anyway --- good luck with your little snot nose, poo pant brat! hope the couch cleaned up nicely........... side note, my ss9 still pees in bed ---- he's sure to turn out ot be a winner too