You are here

Just a little message of encouragement..mainly to myself! :)

Lord help me..'s picture

Submitted by Lord help me.. on Sat, 01/21/2012 - 2:02pm

I think we can all agree that step parenting must be the most difficult thing in the the world. We have up's and down's, week points in our relationships, week points in our souls. But when things get extremely hard, just know that all things happen for a reason. You are placed in your Skids life for a reason. And hopefully you will be able to teach them something that they would have never been taught, or give them a different kind of love that they wouldn't necessarily get from their own parents. It is truly a labor of love. When the going gets tough, give it to God and have faith that things will be exactly how he wills it! Make it a point to keep your relationships a priority, and let nothing get in between. Have compassion on your SO's because they are just as clueless on raising a child as a co-parent just as you are as a step. Take breaks when you need to, and always keep the kids best interests at heart. They will grow up, and fly the nests.. Nurture the relationships you have with them as much as you can. And always be the BIGGER person. Smile

I find that when I write down encouragement and advice, it is easier to acknowledge and make the choice to humble myself and act upon it, then to hear the criticism from someone else.

Comments

misscinna's picture

Submitted by misscinna on Sat, 01/21/2012 - 2:49pm

thank you, I feel like its very easy to lose sight of this, and that we as step moms forget that just as we get used as a scapegoat that we sometimes use our steps as a scapegoat. That's right, we sit and think to ourselves our marriage or relationship would be great if ss or sd Xyears wasn't in the picture. While a step certainly changes the family dynamic its important to remember that all marriages will weather storms. Children pose such a difficult challenge, and really I think the war is a point of control and feelings of helplessness.

Lord help me..'s picture

Submitted by Lord help me.. on Sat, 01/21/2012 - 3:03pm

I think that you hit the nail on the head. As much as I despise the situation that I have chosen to get into, at the end of the day this is the man I love. And he loves my children as if they were his. The least I can do for this man is to do the same. So I have decided to keep reading, keep praying, and venting on "Step-talk" when I need to. lol. It helps knowing that you can say what you feel without any judgement or criticism. We are all human. I wish I were this super mom that were able to emotionally deal with it all..but reality is.. No one can. And if ya claim you can.. it was because you have already plowed through the crap! Smile Thanks for the comment!

dalhia's picture

Submitted by dalhia on Sat, 01/21/2012 - 3:47pm

those were wise words, thank you. it is importantot always remember that. i do pray, i do put love and compasion int othe mix and always try my best. for example: i always encourage my DH's relationship with his daughter, i.m always giving him the best and objective advice i can when he asks. i dont poison relationships or things between memeber so the family. i try to always be the bigger person and offer my best forward. humility and compasion go a long way, i agree.
let's keep venting in here for all the annoying and all the extreme hard situation we all go thru, but lets breathe deep, take the next srtep, keep calm, love you DH and do the best for the children yours or his. keeping hte marriage strong and the kids respectful.
good luck to all the wonderful women in this forum

Lord help me..'s picture

Submitted by Lord help me.. on Sat, 01/21/2012 - 5:18pm

Thanks for the post Smile Yea in a perfect world we would have great relationships with BMs BFs SSs SDs. 50% of marriages end in divorce. Im sure that is because there are no examples of healthy ones to follow. Kids learn how to love based on their parents relationships. DH and I had talked early on about modeling a healthy relationship for skids/bk's. It definitely isn't easy and a lot of times we find ourselves on different pages. We take time to cool down and talk it out after the blow ups. I read a lot. I read parenting articles, self-help books, step parenting books, relationship books. And I am always trying to figure out what works for us. I havent hit my wall yet, and I hope not to. When i get knocked down.. I get right back up and dust my self off.