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THIS CLOSE---to spanking the skid!

Lord help me..'s picture

Ugh!!! This weekend my SS6 came over and as usual..turned my household into a tense, chaotic, war zone. I had him along with my children Saturday and he behaved for about 4 hours. SHORT LIVED! I gave him the responsibility of following my one year old around to make sure he didnt put anything in his mouth or get into anything that he wasnt supposed to while I packed up to take the kids to a birthday party...HE SPANKED MY BABY!! WTF!! And it wasnt a love tap.. it was an out right swat. I was pissed and started to yell at him. I asked him if I let my older boys spank the baby..He said no with a guilty look on his face, then I asked him if I spank him...he said no, the I asked him if we dont do that what makes him think that he can do that to the baby? Especially when he hasnt done a thing wrong?? I contemplating spanking him..but I felt it was over stepping my boundaries. So we went to the bday, and picked up dad later that night from work. I gave him the report..and all my DH did was talk to him. The next day, we decided to take all of the boys (8,6,6,1) to the park for a game of baseball..since all of them play for teams. My DH gave them a catching exercise to do and walked over to me to steal a quick kiss. The SKID yelled "DAD" and THREW the baseball at us. I pulled away from my DH and asked him if he just realized what happened...His response.."He isnt smart enough to have done that". This kid has a LONG history of jumping in between us while we are showing affection to each other and this has also been our(Mine and DH) ongoing argument. DH says I do not show him affection when the skid is around. Well..I dont.. Why should I when I feel robbed of those intimate moments. The skid also cries in the middle of the night wanting to sleep with us. My DH does put his foot down with that one but still.. Im so sick of this kid. I finally told my DH that if he doesnt get control of the situation, then he will have to see his son during his visitations some where else. Or at least leave during the days that he is there. Especially after hitting my one year old the way he did. Im so over it!

Comments

dreamingofhappiness's picture

I always use their actions as examples. You screamed at a 7 year old, (AS I AM SCREAMING AT THE 13 year old who thinks she is mommy)... How do you like it... Once she (SD13) smacked SS8 across the face because he would not listen to her... I slapped her across the face because she was not listening to me. She slapped SS7 on the ass (bare ass mind you) because he was not getting dressed fast enough after his bath.... She got slapped on her ass as well...

I have a few really good friends that are law enforcement, whether that be local police, County, or State boys.... and they have all told me, as a step parent, you are with in your legal realm to DISCIPLINE your step children, with or with out BIOLOGICAL parents permission because you are MARRIED to the BP....

Just so ya know, you were not gonna cross any boundaries, I would have slapped his ass so quick he would not have known what the heck just hit him...

Lord help me..'s picture

I think that if this ever happens again I will. But Im also gonna be on DH's ass to make sure this doesnt happen and loud and clear will not be tolerated! Thanks for the comment. Makes me feel better than if I have to spank him..I can!

Totalybogus's picture

This is not true. Be very careful. The BM CAN have you arrested for domestic violence or child abuse. The charge may or may not stick, but you will suffer the indignities of being arrested and the giant hit on your checkbook defending it.

If the child needs discipline outside of time out or taking away a favorite toy, leave it to his father for your own protection

Lord help me..'s picture

Yikes! I hate for things to get like this. This kid is seriously out of control. He lacks structure from BM and is shell shocked when he comes to our house. Its not the kids fault.. ITS HIS PARENTS!! lol. But still.. Yeah I have done the time out thing for years. He still doesnt respect the authority that I have.

Totalybogus's picture

This is your DH's fault. He has to support you. The next tine the kid disrespects your authority you AND DH need to have a conversation with him and dole out the punishment. Your DH needs to tell him that in his absence you are the boss and what you say goes.

Lord help me..'s picture

I AGREE 100%! That is our motto.. "We are the bosses of this house". That is why I gave him the ultimatum of either getting the situation in control, or having his visitations some where else. I cannot have this kid come in every other weekend and cause drama in my peaceful home. It is a fight every visitation weekend. It sucks.. My DH buckles down.. then when he doesnt see the kid for a while he starts feeling guilty.. BM won every holiday with the skid so he hadnt seen him through the holidays. I gave DH a whole ear full Sunday night. The kid may be his kid forever... But I on the other hand...wont deal with the bull.

newbie88's picture

So I will start with the opinion about the spanking, BM very well may spank your SS. If BM does use spanking as a means for "punishment" then you just need to explain to your SS that you don't spank in your house. If you do use spanking then it needs to be explained that only mum's and dad's spank. Spanking your SS for spanking your baby wouldn't have solved anything. Spanking is not a way to correct negative behaviors. Spanking a child for spanking somebody doesn't correct the behavior, to me it just confuses the child. This is just my belief and I am not pressing anything onto anybody so please so harsh feedback for that one. If a child hits or throws something at you, spanking back only shows the child that spanking is allowed...but only for certain things. So I personally dislike the whole spanking thing but to each their own. Just make sure it's explained to your SS that he is not the one allowed to do the spanking and that it is you and his BF are the one's in charge there.

As for the SS stepping in when the two of you are being intimate, maybe this is a big issue for him. I don't know how long the two of you have been together but maybe to SS you and his BF aren't a forever thing and he wants his parents back together. I of course don't know for sure but there is a possibility that this could be whats going on. It takes some children a long time to get past the fact that their parents are no longer together, even after years I find it can still bother them. I know a friend of mine's BD hated when an ex boyfriend of her's would hug her. She would squeeze in between them pushing him away saying that he wasn't her dad and that wasn't allowed. Lets keep in mind here she hasn't ever actually met her BF. It is possible that this is whats going through your SS's head when he see's the two of you hugging or kissing or knows your sleeping in the same bed.

Maybe it would benefit you to have your DH talk to his son and just asking him why he doesn't like it when the two of you hug. There's no harm there, and also explaining to him that he needs to be sleeping in his own bed when he's there. If he doesn't like it start a sticker chart (I LOVE THEM) for each night he sleeps in his bed when he's there he gets a sticker, with 5 stickers he can turn them in for a prize (something as simple as ice cream for desert) if he comes in to sleep with you guys then he doesn't get a sticker and so on and so forth.