All I can say is WOW!
I am very new to this site but very glad i found it! I am SM to a great 8 year old girl and BM to a wonderful 4 year old son! My husband and I have been married for 6 years and together 8. Problem - husband's ex -CAAARRRRAAAAZYYY! When i met my husband shortly after i found out that there was a woman out there pregnant with his baby. They never had a relationship but more of a fling she wanted WAY more and ultimately ended up pregnant...accident? not a chance! Anyway they had stopped speaking with each other about a month after she got pregnant.. he wanting to move but take care of his child, she trying to figure a way to bring him back!
So as a result I am the "homewrecking Wh***" that destroyed what she thought would be a potential marriage. and after 8 years she is still a bitter bit** because he was able to move on and still be a part of his daughters life and her evil little trick to trap him backfired and she is now a lonely hag with severe control issues.
She constantly tries to micor manage my husband in every way shape or form. if he does not do what she wants she will develope an elaborate accusation and harrass him with it.She cant stand that i have a close relationship with my SD despite her constant efforts to destroy it and really hates that my husband and I added to the family as well. When i was pregnant she even went as far as trying to get her then 4 year old daughter to beleive that we would no longer love her because the baby was coming and that she would never get attention from us again.. told her we would abandon her etc etc. Couldnt be farthest from the truth!
Everyone she meets she tells them the whole story - of course her warped prospective. they have been to co-parent counselors, court etc etc etc. NEVER with resolution. it has nearly destroyed my marriage and my sanity... i recently saw a therapist as things have escalated even more than i can remember and after only two appts i cant believe i learned so much.. the best advise ever....
1. you cant rationalize with crazy
2. you cant fight with the same ammo
3. she will never change so you just have to learn to accept that is the way she is and not let it get to you!
4. If i let it destroy my marriage, she wins!
So we are working together to ingnore her once and for all. if she sends a stupid text or email (usually many a day) we ignore it - which is hard but hopefully will work..
Does any one have any other tips?
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Comments
Ignorimg is the best thing.
Ignorimg is the best thing. Not complete, but make sure DH keeps everything short and to the point. Nothing else.
BM (and sometimes DH) thrived on the drama. When I convinced him to keep it short and sweet, it cut the drama by 90%. good luck
half the problem is she is so
half the problem is she is so accusational that there is the constant nagging feel to get defensive. you feel like if you dont defend yourself then you are addmitting to her accusations.. We are learning that that couldnt be the farthest from the truth! her accusations have no merit but are simply done to prvoke a fight.. she loves conflict and also has no sounding board for her everyday problems so my DH has become it! We are learning to refuse to allow that to happen.
My advice? Keep being
My advice? Keep being yourself. If SD asks you questions, don't bash BM, but do tell her the truth in an age-appropriate way. How often do you have SD? Perhaps both of you could start a tradition of doing something fun when you have her, just the two of you.
it is basically a shared
it is basically a shared schedule just about 50/50. I often find myself covering BM's arse when SD asks me questions. I happen to work in divorce law as a paralegal and deal with these things regularly.. and although sometimes my career frusterates the situation sometimes it helps. One thing i know is that as difficult as it can be, taking the high road is always the better option.. so i find myself saying things like "sometimes even parents can say things they dont mean when they are upset" etc etc.. i know one day SD will resent her mother.. very sad but true. She is definately already seeing what her mom is doing.. Great idea about our own traditions.. i have tried to maintain time for just us.. once in a while ill take her to get manicures together or go shopping.. and we will do craft projects together. schedule is very busy but we fit stuff in whenever we can..
I have managed to maintain the great relaltionship with SD but unfortunately the time and effort put in to that and the time our son needs and of course the constant drama of BM has taken a huge toll on our marriage... that is what i truly need to find a way to restore back to the amazing one it once was!
Logiebug13 you rock! Great
1. you cant rationalize with crazy
2. you cant fight with the same ammo
3. she will never change so you just have to learn to accept that is the way she is and not let it get to you!
4. If i let it destroy my marriage, she wins!